Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act? - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 03:54 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Met future wife > kissed > we both want sex - we both have sex > Dating > fall in love > marriage



I like this. Since I was inexperienced like @lovelygirl, was more like:

Met a cute girl > had to ask her out > went to my dorm room > kissed passionately > spent as much time together as possible and talked and listened > made out and experimented sexually > became a couple

So I don't think sex has to be immediate but sexual attraction should be. The sexual tension creates interest. Interest promotes communication. Communication creates closeness. Closeness manifests in sex.

Trust will come with dialog and opening yourself up to the possibility of a relationship.

Any sexual contact within the framework above is MORE than welcome and will be fabulous.



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post #122 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:23 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Yep... it can work in many different ways. But if no steps are done, or they are repetitive and not advancing... nothing happens. Man or woman will get bored and just move on.

Same chart for getting laid once.

Met a woman after club closed talking casually - fun > I was horny and slightly drunk nothing to do next day so said in a joking "I never had sex with your ethnic type" her reply: "Let's get that taken care of" > followed her to her place and did fun nasty things.

There was no kissing before to lead up for sex.

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post #123 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:36 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

@lovelygirl

I almost posted on the FWB thread on this, but it belongs here.

I have not changed my mind on my suggestions to you... make it into something that works for you. I meant it that I understand where you are coming from. I really have no regrets from the good and bad experiences of being a party animal. Many of my friend and buddies know of my antics - hell, they have video or pics (as I do on some of them) - which is like "HEY! Send me a copy!" You are still young, you are single. You are pretty much free to do what you want, your fantasies are open to you - just use protection and be safe. My sex number is well north of 100, actually, it is likely north of 200. I used to keep count until about 150+. Do math: club/party everyweekend (2 days a week) x 4 weeks, may result in 1~6 new sex partners a month. x 52 weeks a year = 50~300 new sex partners a year... right? well, not exactly.
So yeah, even I may not get laid at all for a month or I may have sex with 6 different women over one weekend. I maybe in a relationship with a woman, even OR - means I'm NOT so active for others. I did have GF here and there.

You can meet a very nice and honest man at an orgy as well as you can meet a jerk child molester at a church... A lot of people have fake fronts. Or a "work face" - like when you buy stuff from a store and everyone is nice, etc. But if you meet them on the street, they would be indifferent to you and walk on by.

Why fo I know where you are coming from?
From age 20~30, I had a single ONS and dated 3 women. Out of those, I only had sex with two of them (ONS, of course, is one of them). The one I dated - we had sex 5 times. I only wanted to date someone that would be a GF - just the ONE woman for me. Sound familiar? Why were all these guys getting laid, getting GF, getting wives - but not me? Some of these guys were big, or fat or not all that attractive - yet had nice or even hot women. Turning 30 was a wake up call. I wasn't getting anywhere, I was lonely and I wanted to be in love. Had a miserable GF at 31... little sex, but I was "in love" for the wrong reasons and thought I was in love... My lack of relationship experience blinded me from reality, but still - she was a part of my history of learning how to date.

So it took me about a year to re-program myself as best I could to NOT be shy, to start talking to women, to open myself to date women who did not fit my "perfect ideal". With that I found out that all kinds of different people like different things - yet have feelings and desires and drama like everyone else. So from age 31~40, I had 200+ sexual partners, I still had dates that did not result in sex or relationship, each failure was a learning lesson. I would think of where I went wrong. Each positive thing I liked, I filed in my memory of what I would like in a girlfriend. When I met my wife, she blew me away. Was she my "ideal woman" I spent my 20's and early 30's looking for? Nope. Not even close. Why? Because my fantasy partner did not exist. It never does, for anyone.

Even when my wife cheated on me, it broke my heart. I did start dating when we broke up, meet some good but also and scary women, I had sex with some. But I still wanted my wife - I gave her a chance and we are doing good today.

Go out... meet guys. Learn what you like.

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post #124 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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You are making it way more complicated than it should be - overthinking it. Have you attempted to look for a therapist?
Not yet.
I don't even know what to talk about with the sex therapist.
Probably I'd need a psychologist or something ...who'd help me be more carefree.

Actually, now that I'm thinking...I'm very carefree as a person but when it comes to sex with a guy I date.. I start detaching.

Quote:
You:

Met guy > Date & prove your intentions > prove your intentions > we both want sex - but I deny both of sex > Date & prove your intentions > we both want sex - but I deny both of sex > prove your intentions > we both want sex - but I deny both of sex > guy is bored - seeks other women > You angry with self.
Because the guy doesn't inspire me to go on further so I go back to square one.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #125 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:00 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

I would like that she is at least trying.

especially when all I get is duty sex.
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post #126 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:14 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

@lovelygirl Wait - why are they not worth pursuing further. Please talk about what makes it all meh after being with them. Why don't they inspire you? No mystery? Boring? What?



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post #127 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 07:25 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Not yet.
I don't even know what to talk about with the sex therapist.
Probably I'd need a psychologist or something ...who'd help me be more carefree.
Okay, start with a psychologist / therapist. You can also ask them to refer you to a sex therapist as well.
You talk to them about relationship issues. Tell them a guy 8000 miles away in America told you to see a doc. Tell them what you want to do, why you aren't doing it, tell them what you told us. Cause you're not getting anything.

Quote:
Actually, now that I'm thinking...I'm very carefree as a person but when it comes to sex with a guy I date.. I start detaching.

Because the guy doesn't inspire me to go on further so I go back to square one.
And you don't know why... and perhaps you don't inspire the guy to go further either... think about that? You only hurt you.
Either do something about it, or stay the way you are and plan this way of living will continue for another 10~20~30 years... maybe until you meet a guy whose penis doesn't work.
Also, maybe you like women?

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post #128 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 06:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Okay, start with a psychologist / therapist. You can also ask them to refer you to a sex therapist as well.
You talk to them about relationship issues. Tell them a guy 8000 miles away in America told you to see a doc. Tell them what you want to do, why you aren't doing it, tell them what you told us. Cause you're not getting anything.


And you don't know why... and perhaps you don't inspire the guy to go further either... think about that? You only hurt you.
Either do something about it, or stay the way you are and plan this way of living will continue for another 10~20~30 years... maybe until you meet a guy whose penis doesn't work.
Also, maybe you like women?
No. That's not the case at all.

But I'll see what I can do with the psychologist.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #129 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 01:16 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

I think that is your best bet. Don't forget books at the same time or before you see a doc.

Only person that can change YOU.... is YOU. You want to get this sorted out now, not when you are 50.

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post #130 of 144 (permalink) Old 05-04-2017, 07:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

@TaDor I'm seeing a guy from the gym. We've had crushes on each other for more than a year now...but he was already in a relationship until a few months ago.

So, apart from the fact that we see each other 3 times a week at the gym, we've gone out on dates 2 times until now and we've made out (just kissing and touching/no sex) in his car.

Last night, we were drinking coffee and during a discussion about sex experiences he said .."..you're already experienced now and you know what you want. There's nothing to explore about your self in respect with a guy. But for guys, they're quite curious until their 30s. After that age, they're able to know themselves better.."

He's 4 years younger than me (26). He assumes I already know my self and my sexual needs when I'm with a guy. This made me feel like I wanted to run away. If we happen to sleep together, I'm afraid he'll get disappointed.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #131 of 144 (permalink) Old 05-04-2017, 07:41 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

He might be disappointed. His attitude is really weird, in my opinion.

Also, maybe you are in too big a hurry. Although, so was I.

You only need to find one good man. Perhaps you need to spend more time vetting men to find one who may be a possible lifetime mate before having sex again. Casual sex may not be right for you.

A guy should be adventurous, inquisitive, and not opinionated about your sexual adventures. You sure don't want him thinking you are a woman of low morals after you get married, and have him loose respect for you. It sounds like he already thinks you are pretty wild. I would love that about my wife, but many men would not.
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post #132 of 144 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 12:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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He might be disappointed. His attitude is really weird, in my opinion.

Also, maybe you are in too big a hurry. Although, so was I.

You only need to find one good man. Perhaps you need to spend more time vetting men to find one who may be a possible lifetime mate before having sex again. Casual sex may not be right for you.

A guy should be adventurous, inquisitive, and not opinionated about your sexual adventures. You sure don't want him thinking you are a woman of low morals after you get married, and have him loose respect for you. It sounds like he already thinks you are pretty wild.
I'm very flirty around him and kinky as well. He thinks I'm quite confident in bed or even "wild".
I am flirty by nature, but not necessarily confident in bed because of my lack of experiences.

He doesn't think I'm loose but surely there's a part of me that he finds attractive and sexy.(He said so.) This gives him the idea that I know what I want. (Which isn't true yet...)

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I would love that about my wife, but many men would not.
Strange how you say that. Most men complain and wished their wives were wilder and dominant.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #133 of 144 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 12:24 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Sadly, men say they want a wife who likes sex, but when the wife wants sex they call her sex crazed. They say she is a woman of low morals, and they are ashamed of her. It happens over and over. It's just weird.

It's called the Madonna complex.

https://sites.psu.edu/aspsy/2015/10/...*****-complex/

They want a woman who likes sex, but if their woman likes sex, she must be a woman of low morals. It's a terrible circle.
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post #134 of 144 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 12:28 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Sadly, men say they want a wife who likes sex, but when the wife wants sex they call her sex crazed. They say she is a woman of low morals, and they are ashamed of her. It happens over and over. It's just weird.

It's called the Madonna complex.

https://sites.psu.edu/aspsy/2015/10/...*****-complex/

They want a woman who likes sex, but if their woman likes sex, she must be a woman of low morals. It's a terrible circle.
I know nobody who thinks this way. Every man I know would praise/be thankful a woman with high drive and express nary a bit of judgement for them being that way (so long as that drive was reserved for their husband and their husband only)
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post #135 of 144 (permalink) Old 05-05-2017, 01:06 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

There are dozens of posts on this site from women whose husbands have insulted them by saying they are oversexed.

There's a recent thread on this site by a man who is ashamed of his wife for her past sexual encounters, when he was fully aware of them before he married her.

There are threads on this site by men who have complained their wives are oversexed.

Just because some people chose to ignore those posts does not mean they do not exist.

That's this site alone. The awareness of the complex is as old as the study of psychology.
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