Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 06:01 PM Thread Starter
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Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

So..in reference to another thread in the "Sex" department where I posted, I thought I'd ask men (women are welcomed as well) over something that has been bothering me lately. I used to be more careless at a younger age...but now something has changed...

I'm 29, haven't really had any stable (or lasting) relationship. I've dated guys for 1-2 months and then it was over. The only lasting relationship that I had was 9 months (but with no sex at all and it was my first relationship when I was around 22).

With some of the guys that I've dated, I've had an OK sex [as I wasn't in love with any of them and I didn't feel comfortable.] These guys were interested ONLY in sex and given that I've always wanted more than that, I stopped seeing them. Also, I wouldn't give them any oral sex as I didn't consider them emotionally close to me. I see giving/receiving oral VERY intimate and I'd like to share it with someone that I'm in an exclusive relationship. So, out of all the guys that I've dated, I've given oral only to one guy...a couple of years ago. (Don't ask me why I date guys who want just sex. I actually want a stable relationship, but for some reason I always end up with the wrong guys... )

I think I am HD and If I could, I'd have no problem having sex everyday, I like to experiment with positions, I like to talk about sex and do things very openly with my partner.

The only problem that I've been having lately is what the guy might think of how I perform in sex with him. Am I good/bad? What he thinks....etc.
A few months ago I dated a guy who was into BSDM. He said he was very experienced in this type of sex but I was hesitant to have sex with him in the first place, as I didn't feel confident I'd satisfy him enough, starting even from oral [which for him was the minimum].
I was afraid he'd make fun of me for not performing right in the bedroom so I let him go at all. We went out several times and he was expecting us to try things, but then I didn't feel comfortable and ended things with him.

Unless I find someone stable, I feel like I will remain sexless out of fear for being considered "inexperienced" compared to the guys/girls of my age. Plus, I'm tired of meaningless dating. I want something real.
I swear, if I had a stable partner, I wouldn't mind giving him any kind of pleasure, although I know I need some more practice.

Were there times that you dated a girl you thought would be a "beast" in bed but turned out to be the opposite?
Did you make fun of her (in your mind?)
Did you feel disappointed?
Did you comment it with your friends?

These are my concerns. Probably, you'd make fun of them too haha..

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #2 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 06:16 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
So..in reference to another thread in the "Sex" department where I posted, I thought I'd ask men (women are welcomed as well) over something that has been bothering me lately. I used to be more careless at a younger age...but now something has changed...

I'm 29, haven't really had any stable (or lasting) relationship. I've dated guys for 1-2 months and then it was over. The only lasting relationship that I had was 9 months (but with no sex at all and it was my first relationship when I was around 22).

With some of the guys that I've dated, I've had an OK sex [as I wasn't in love with any of them and I didn't feel comfortable.] These guys were interested ONLY in sex and given that I've always wanted more than that, I stopped seeing them. Also, I wouldn't give them any oral sex as I didn't consider them emotionally close to me. I see giving/receiving oral VERY intimate and I'd like to share it with someone that I'm in an exclusive relationship. So, out of all the guys that I've dated, I've given oral only to one guy...a couple of years ago. (Don't ask me why I date guys who want just sex. I actually want a stable relationship, but for some reason I always end up with the wrong guys... )

I think I am HD and If I could, I'd have no problem having sex everyday, I like to experiment with positions, I like to talk about sex and do things very openly with my partner.

The only problem that I've been having lately is what the guy might think of how I perform in sex with him. Am I good/bad? What he thinks....etc.
A few months ago I dated a guy who was into BSDM. He said he was very experienced in this type of sex but I was hesitant to have sex with him in the first place, as I didn't feel confident I'd satisfy him enough, starting even from oral [which for him was the minimum].
I was afraid he'd make fun of me for not performing right in the bedroom so I let him go at all. We went out several times and he was expecting us to try things, but then I didn't feel comfortable and ended things with him.

Unless I find someone stable, I feel like I will remain sexless out of fear for being considered "inexperienced" compared to the guys/girls of my age. Plus, I'm tired of meaningless dating. I want something real.
I swear, if I had a stable partner, I wouldn't mind giving him any kind of pleasure, although I know I need some more practice.

Were there times that you dated a girl you thought would be a "beast" in bed but turned out to be the opposite?
Did you make fun of her (in your mind?)
Did you feel disappointed?
Did you comment it with your friends?

These are my concerns. Probably, you'd make fun of them too haha..
Have you ever heard a man say let's **** first,then we'll make love.He gets what he wants and you get what you want in no particular order.Dont worry about doing anything wrong,there is no wrong way there is just YOUR way.People overthink sex,instead of just having a good time.
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post #3 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 06:28 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
The only problem that I've been having lately is what the guy might think of how I perform in sex with him. Am I good/bad? What he thinks....etc.
You're an honorary guy, you are overthinking. You are dating, testing, if you or he are unhappy with the "performance" move on, no biggie. So, you have had sex , good first step, you will figure it out. Will you be judged, yes. Will you judge, I hope so. Just don't let yourself be abused. Also do not think of what a guy may (or may not) be thinking of how you "perform". Be yourself, be open and you'll be good.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #4 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 08:15 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
So..in reference to another thread in the "Sex" department where I posted, I thought I'd ask men (women are welcomed as well) over something that has been bothering me lately. I used to be more careless at a younger age...but now something has changed...

I'm 29, haven't really had any stable (or lasting) relationship. I've dated guys for 1-2 months and then it was over. The only lasting relationship that I had was 9 months (but with no sex at all and it was my first relationship when I was around 22).

With some of the guys that I've dated, I've had an OK sex [as I wasn't in love with any of them and I didn't feel comfortable.] These guys were interested ONLY in sex and given that I've always wanted more than that, I stopped seeing them. Also, I wouldn't give them any oral sex as I didn't consider them emotionally close to me. I see giving/receiving oral VERY intimate and I'd like to share it with someone that I'm in an exclusive relationship. So, out of all the guys that I've dated, I've given oral only to one guy...a couple of years ago. (Don't ask me why I date guys who want just sex. I actually want a stable relationship, but for some reason I always end up with the wrong guys... )

I think I am HD and If I could, I'd have no problem having sex everyday, I like to experiment with positions, I like to talk about sex and do things very openly with my partner.

The only problem that I've been having lately is what the guy might think of how I perform in sex with him. Am I good/bad? What he thinks....etc.
A few months ago I dated a guy who was into BSDM. He said he was very experienced in this type of sex but I was hesitant to have sex with him in the first place, as I didn't feel confident I'd satisfy him enough, starting even from oral [which for him was the minimum].
I was afraid he'd make fun of me for not performing right in the bedroom so I let him go at all. We went out several times and he was expecting us to try things, but then I didn't feel comfortable and ended things with him.

Unless I find someone stable, I feel like I will remain sexless out of fear for being considered "inexperienced" compared to the guys/girls of my age. Plus, I'm tired of meaningless dating. I want something real.
I swear, if I had a stable partner, I wouldn't mind giving him any kind of pleasure, although I know I need some more practice.

Were there times that you dated a girl you thought would be a "beast" in bed but turned out to be the opposite?
Did you make fun of her (in your mind?)
Did you feel disappointed?
Did you comment it with your friends?

These are my concerns. Probably, you'd make fun of them too haha..

I feel like your focusing on the sex to much and not the issue with why you don't seem to be able to develop intimacy and long term bonds.

I think some introspection is required. stop sleeping with people, frankly stop seeing people, and really figure out who you are. It maybe, after a bit of self assessment, you are not who you believe yourself to be. If you are a great,warm,feminine,loving,warm woman, men should be beating down your door. Sometimes, the hardest thing in life, is accepting that others do not see us the same way we see ourselves. Get a therapist, might be able to help you work this out, also stop sleeping around, it isn't helping you sexual market value and with you approaching 30 that is going to take a hit quickly as your fertility diminishes, high quality men who might have been into you are going to head for more fertile younger females.
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post #5 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 08:56 PM
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Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

@lovelygirl these are probably normal feelings so don't worry.

Guys will make offhand comments without thinking sometimes because we're generally not emotionally connected right away. So even if someone does say something, it probably wouldn't mean anything

I don't know where you're from or what the social norms are in your area. Some places are pretty conservative and you can date a while and not jump into bed - and then can get to know a guy and vice versa - then you'll be more likely to have the emotional connection and the sex will be lower stress and better for you.

In some areas and with some groups, if you don't have sex people will move on.

Look for a better match of people for Yu to take it a bit slower maybe. That could be church or friends of friends, etc. These types of situations lend themselves more for a closer match sometimes.

Btw I would never intentionally ridicule a woman for sexual performance and I would expect the same from them. Inexperience is normal. Sometimes if you get that out at the start, your partner will work with you.

The first night I met my W I told her I was a virgin because I was concerned (but I also wanted to get laid). She laughed and said so am I. Then the pressure was off and we took the time to develop a relationship and explore things together.


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post #6 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 09:07 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Want to know what the guy who received the worst BJ in the history of sex said to himself afterward?

"Wow, that was AWESOME."

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #7 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 09:14 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Any sex is better than no sex. There are times when we tried something that just did not work but we never made fun of each other, just a failed experiment. We experimented a lot with each other and outsiders. Some things worked and some did not but I never made fun of a woman who tried. Some girls are better at certain things than others. What my wife lacked, our girlfriend made up for. Together they were everything you could ask for sexually. We experimented a lot and had a lot of laughs at failed or hopeless attempts at things we saw in porn. Someone losing their balance and taking two others with them is funny but we laughed at what happened, not each other. No matter how bad a girl was I never made fun of her or spoke ill of her to anyone. The fact that she shared her body with me implied a trust or at least that is how I view it. Nothing to laugh about.

Great sex comes from great communication. If you tell someone you want to try something new, I do not know how they could laugh at you for trying it. If you do not tell then and fail, I can understand why they may think you are not good at sex because they will assume that what you tried is your normal way of having sex. Communicate and you can avoid any problems like you mentioned. I love to make people laugh, even at my own expense. I like laughter to be part of sex. Sex should also be fun as well as intimate and a physical display of love. Getting them to laugh was the easy part; I just took off my clothes. Bada bing.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #8 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 09:25 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Don't worry about being judged. You sound like you'd be a good lover - but you need the connection first. The only caveat is this - regarding oral...out of all the women I've slept with post divorce, only one wasn't into oral - and I don't know her reasons, I never asked. All the others were enthusiastic about it - and it's very important to me (I enjoy giving it as well). I ended up resenting her for it and eventually lost attraction. It can be a real put off for a guy. Anyway, the caveat: communicate that you're not comfortable with oral unless you're in a more established relationship, but that it is something you enjoy in serious relationships. No oral is a deal breaker for a lot of guys.
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post #9 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 09:35 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

The answer really depends on the guy. If the guy has an easy time finding partners to have sex with then performance will matter more to him than a guy that isn't as successful. However, most guys enjoy showing a woman the ropes, and as long as she's enthusiastic and willing to try new things they don't think poorly of her. The more sexual hangups you develop (e.g. lack of oral) the less likely a sexually confident man will stay with you.
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post #10 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 09:37 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
(Don't ask me why I date guys who want just sex. I actually want a stable relationship, but for some reason I always end up with the wrong guys... )
.
Yes, there are many guys who will only be looking for sex. The problem is that you are having sex with them before you know that they are only looking for sex. If you are looking for a relationship, then weed out the guys who are only looking for sex by not not having sex with them early in the relationship.
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post #11 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 11:52 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
Were there times that you dated a girl you thought would be a "beast" in bed but turned out to be the opposite?
Did you make fun of her (in your mind?)
Did you feel disappointed?
Did you comment it with your friends?
I'll answer this from a different point of view than you may be expecting. Even when you have been with a partner for over 20 years, sex can at times be awkward, turn out the opposite as expected, and completely fail. But you know what? The best part is having someone that still makes you feel loved and you both know that neither of you are perfect, but that you will each keep trying.

Oddly enough, the only time I think I joke about my wife sexually is when something actually was so good that I almost couldn't believe it.

The only person I joke about for being bad in bed would be myself, but I make those jokes combined with unreasonable confidence that I'm actually proud of my failures, which can be fun!
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post #12 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 12:15 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

I'm not a guy, but I will chime in anyway.

I have learned that when you're the female partner, enthusiasm goes a lot farther than knowledge or skill. You can always learn how to do something better, and you get better with practice. You can fake it till you make it, in other words.

But you can't fake enthusiasm, and all men want their partner to be enthusiastic. Enthusiastic sex is always the bext sex, even when everything else goes wrong!

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #13 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 12:23 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Unless you are heartless most guys won't make fun of someone doing sexual acts with them. Hell most throw a parade.

OP it's not just a women's worry. Guys too worry about it. Are we satisfying our partner? Are we turning her on? Are we big enough? Will she tell her girlfriends what we do wrong. So don't get hung up on this. Chances are the guy you are with is thinking same thing.

Just relax and enjoy the experience
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post #14 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 05:31 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

I have had disappointing sex and bjs for sure. Mostly due to woman over talking her abilities and finding out it's all talk. But I have never made fun of them. That part makes so sense
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post #15 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 06:13 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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..... also stop sleeping around, it isn't helping you sexual market value and with you approaching 30 that is going to take a hit quickly as your fertility diminishes, high quality men who might have been into you are going to head for more fertile younger females.


I bet that makes you feel so much better......right @lovelygirl ?
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