Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce? - Page 12 - Talk About Marriage
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post #166 of 171 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 08:38 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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Originally Posted by MrsHolland View Post
MrH does a lot around the house, washing, cooking (we cook together often), anything that needs doing. He works out of the house in a high level white collar career and looks hot hot hot in his suit and tie. He will help me with anything I ask for help with and will go up to the supermarket even if it is just one ingredient I need.

We have sex at least daily. I have never thought as him as a female, sorry that is such an odd suggestion. If anything, his doing so much makes me adore and love him even more, to me he is all man.

Give me a capable, energetic man that participates in running the household, he is the one I want to have sex with not a lazy little man/child.
I think the difference, in your case you 1) appear to be high drive and 2) are attracted to your H. His participating in the household activities only helps strengthen your appeal towards him.

On the flipside, take a W who is on the lower drive side, or isn't physically attracted to her H anymore. Doing chores is going to do very little in the sex category.

That is my issue with the HWHL (i.e. along with doing chores will get you sex), since it is stated on a general basis as the fix for any relationship where sex is an issue. There are so many other variables involved, and it is very likely that a guy taking this advice at face value is going to end up frustrated/resentful.

Separately, and not just you MrsH, but why is it that it seems like the two extremes are always pointed out. You equate that a man who isn't energetic about participating in running the household must be a lazy little man/child. I would bet most people fall somewhere in the middle.
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post #167 of 171 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 09:30 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
I think the difference, in your case you 1) appear to be high drive and 2) are attracted to your H. His participating in the household activities only helps strengthen your appeal towards him.

On the flipside, take a W who is on the lower drive side, or isn't physically attracted to her H anymore. Doing chores is going to do very little in the sex category.

That is my issue with the HWHL (i.e. along with doing chores will get you sex), since it is stated on a general basis as the fix for any relationship where sex is an issue. There are so many other variables involved, and it is very likely that a guy taking this advice at face value is going to end up frustrated/resentful.

Separately, and not just you MrsH, but why is it that it seems like the two extremes are always pointed out. You equate that a man who isn't energetic about participating in running the household must be a lazy little man/child. I would bet most people fall somewhere in the middle.
Emily Nagoski has an analogy that talks about this situation. She says to imagine that the woman has a gas pedal and a brake. In a HD woman, the gas pedal is floored, and as long as nobody applies a brake, things are good. Things that might apply the brake might be a lazy husband for instance. Applying both the gas and the brake at the same time results in a burnout. You don't go anywhere.

For the LD woman, there may not be any pressure on the gas pedal, so whether you release the brake or not, you still may not go anywhere. Or if you do, it will be a slow journey.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #168 of 171 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 09:35 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

I do at least half the housework and work 50 hrs a week. My wife works about 14 hrs a week. A high schooler and middle schooler. When I finally divorce her it'll be because my kids are grown and I'm not taking her crap sandwich anymore. 👍
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post #169 of 171 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 02:04 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

There's a difference between a Husband doing a few things to help around the house vs the husband doing everything around the house.

A husband who puts dishes away, loads the dish washer, does a load of laundry here and there, cleans toilets is helpful and not a turn off. If I were to come home from work and see my husband dusting, and vacuuming on the regular to me this isn't sexy. So to me it's not whether the husband does chores or not, it's how many chores he is doing. I'm sorry but a wife is not a maid. A husband HAS to help out around the house.
There is a difference imo between chores and picking up after yourself aka cleaning your plate and cleaning your clothes.
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post #170 of 171 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 02:10 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

It depends on what you consider chores vs cleaning up after yourself.

To me, cleaning up after yourself is not a chore. It's life. You wear clothes, you take them off and put them in a hamper. You eat dinner, you clean your plate. Your clothes are dirty? You clean them and put them away.

Chores to me are like vacuuming, moping, dusting, cleaning the sinks and bathrooms, making the bed, washing the sheets/drapes. Cleaning the carpets, mirrors blah blah blah.
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post #171 of 171 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 10:36 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Does not make any difference,in fact,doiing chores actually makes it worse(if that is possible)

Be Yourself,Everyone else is taken.
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