Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:14 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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The problem I see with this article is the whole correlation vs causation thing.

Yes, there appears to be a correlation between men doing more housework and divorce, but correlation does not imply or guarantee causation. Within this study, how many of the men doing more housework were "Nice Guys" and were damaging their marriage in other ways that were unreported? And the women that were doing more housework and had correlative happy marriages--there's no clear argument that their marriages are happier because the woman does more housework. Maybe the woman is inclined to do more housework as a result of being happy in her marriage, and vice versa? (I know, in my personal experience, that if I am happier in my relationship, then I am more likely to take care of these little things and pay attention to the housework BECAUSE I want to gift that to my partner; if he's making me miserable and I'm unhappy in my relationship, I'm going to tell him to **** off an make his own damn dinner.)

And, as another TAMer commented, they don't provide info on whether both partners are working, or if there's one breadwinner, etc.

There are way too many variables to establish causation. Correlation, perhaps. Causation, no.
EXACTLY what I was thinking.

I will add, though, that in my marriage there is sometimes a balancing act. I sometimes feel like telling my husband to 'act like a man' when he does stupid **** like asking me whether the house needs vacuuming or what fridge dish he should put leftovers in or totally misses the fact a sink is plugged. You have EYES, dude, figure it out for yourself. I HATE it when I am supposed to 'assign' chores to do around the house. Why am *I* the one to do that? Why doesn't HE?? I also have it in my head that the womans domain is the kitchen and house, the mans is the yard and repairs, because that's how I grew up, and when he doesn't know how to do simple handyman tasks it sometimes turns me RIGHT off. But overall, we do have a pretty good balance.
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post #17 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:16 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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I load the dishwasher. I don't know if it's OCD-like or I'm just better at geometry and spatial awareness but my wife just can't load the dishwasher "properly". (Anyone else notice this too?) So I do it, and she doesn't mind. It's not a source of contention, rather more a humours thing. We usually tag team unloading, I do the high stuff, she the lower.
Totally. She overloads it , puts the bowls in face up and the plates face out.

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post #18 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:17 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?






Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #19 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:19 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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Refresh my memory. Does she work?
She does. She also takes night classes two nights per week. She is NOT lazy. She's just convinced herself that she's alone in the house I guess.

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post #20 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:20 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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EXACTLY what I was thinking.

I will add, though, that in my marriage there is sometimes a balancing act. I sometimes feel like telling my husband to 'act like a man' when he does stupid **** like asking me whether the house needs vacuuming or what fridge dish he should put leftovers in or totally misses the fact a sink is plugged. You have EYES, dude, figure it out for yourself. I HATE it when I am supposed to 'assign' chores to do around the house. Why am *I* the one to do that? Why doesn't HE?? I also have it in my head that the womans domain is the kitchen and house, the mans is the yard and repairs, because that's how I grew up, and when he doesn't know how to do simple handyman tasks it sometimes turns me RIGHT off. But overall, we do have a pretty good balance.
This post has merit. I do want to point something out, however.

Did he ask you:

A. Because he truly does not know.

B. Because you are particular about how you want it done, and criticize when not done to that standard.

I would tell you that for a while, there was a lot of B in my household. Now if she complains about how I do something (obvious exception being if I miss something, etc.), I give her two options:

A. The she does it herself.

B. That she keeps her unnecessarily critical commentary to herself.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #21 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:20 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

When we tried to have a contemporary marriage with both of us working and sharing chores, for some reason there was fighting over silly things and the sexual interest decreased.

So we went back to traditional and it works out better perhaps because we were brought up in traditional marriages, it seems to work for us, we know our roles.


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post #22 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:23 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

This is a more recent study, far:

Couples Who Share Chores May Have Better Sex, And Sex More Often | The Huffington Post

"A new study from the University of Alberta found that male-female couples had better and more frequent sex when men chipped in with the chores. The findings revealed that when a man felt he was making fair contributions to household chores, the couple had more sex and each partner reported more sexual satisfaction.

Matt Johnson, a family ecology professor in the university’s department of human ecology at the University of Alberta, set out to debunk a 2012 study that concluded when men helped out with chores traditionally regarded as female housework (duties like cleaning the dishes, cooking and doing laundry), the couples had less sex. Johnson said the findings didn’t fit in with his intuition and background experiences as a couple’s therapist.

Analyzing data from a five-year study of 1,338 German couples, Johnson found his intuition to be correct. Helping out with household work doesn’t detract from a couple’s sex life, it enhances it, the data showed."

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #23 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:25 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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This is a more recent study, far:

Couples Who Share Chores May Have Better Sex, And Sex More Often | The Huffington Post

"A new study from the University of Alberta found that male-female couples had better and more frequent sex when men chipped in with the chores. The findings revealed that when a man felt he was making fair contributions to household chores, the couple had more sex and each partner reported more sexual satisfaction.

Matt Johnson, a family ecology professor in the university’s department of human ecology at the University of Alberta, set out to debunk a 2012 study that concluded when men helped out with chores traditionally regarded as female housework (duties like cleaning the dishes, cooking and doing laundry), the couples had less sex. Johnson said the findings didn’t fit in with his intuition and background experiences as a couple’s therapist.

Analyzing data from a five-year study of 1,338 German couples, Johnson found his intuition to be correct. Helping out with household work doesn’t detract from a couple’s sex life, it enhances it, the data showed."
I know there are plenty of contradictory studies for this subject.

As stated in the OP, I do not necessarily agree with the assertion. It is but one piece of a 100 piece puzzle that equals a marital dynamic.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #24 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:26 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

I just think this means people who are more traditional are less likely to get divorced. As traditionally divorce had a much greater stigma associated with it.
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post #25 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:28 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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I know there are plenty of contradictory studies for this subject.

As stated in the OP, I do not necessarily agree with the assertion. It is but one piece of a 100 piece puzzle that equals a marital dynamic.
I have never understood how a man's doing more housework would lead to less sex. Had never even heard that idea before reading it on TAM.

Anytime Dug helps out, especially in an unanticipated way, I really appreciate it. It makes me feel loved. And when I feel loved . . .

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #26 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:28 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
This post has merit. I do want to point something out, however.

Did he ask you:

A. Because he truly does not know.

B. Because you are particular about how you want it done, and criticize when not done to that standard.

I would tell you that for a while, there was a lot of B in my household. Now if she complains about how I do something (obvious exception being if I miss something, etc.), I give her two options:

A. The she does it herself.

B. That she keeps her unnecessarily critical commentary to herself.
It's a two way street and I've been on both sides of it. IME, it's amazing how quickly this can make things become toxic.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #27 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:30 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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I would tell you that for a while, there was a lot of B in my household. Now if she complains about how I do something (obvious exception being if I miss something, etc.), I give her two options:

A. The she does it herself.

B. That she keeps her unnecessarily critical commentary to herself.
Letting negative commentary roll off your back (while actually learning to do it the way she wants), and later maybe teasing her a bit about it, might yield more sex, far.

That is what Dug would do, anyway.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #28 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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I have never understood how a man's doing more housework would lead to less sex. Had never even heard that idea before reading it on TAM.

Anytime Dug helps out, especially in an unanticipated way, I really appreciate it. It makes me feel loved. And when I feel loved . . .
There is a difference between more chores equals less sex and more chores does not equal more sex.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #29 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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Letting negative commentary roll off your back (while actually learning to do it the way she wants), and later maybe teasing her a bit about it, might yield more sex, far.

That is what Dug would do, anyway.
I do it often as well.

However, some occasions, especially in something physically demanding, = do it yourself or go pound sand.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #30 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:37 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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I do it often as well.

However, some occasions, especially in something physically demanding, = do it yourself or go pound sand.
Hearing "Go pound sand" would guarantee arctic winds in the bedroom here.

YMMV.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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