Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce? - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 11:27 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Seems overly philosophical or complicated.

I don't think there is a direct correlation.

Maybe wimpy men doing chores?

The whole sexual frequency think is kind of weird too.

A few touches and softly spoken words and Mrs. Conan is an open book ready for reading.
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post #47 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 12:04 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
Hire a maid to clean the house then take your wife out to dinner while the maid is cleaning. It's a guaranteed panty dropper.
Or take the maid out to dinner.Either way is good.
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post #48 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 02:18 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Men acting more beta increases divorce.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #49 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 02:26 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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Originally Posted by MEM2020 View Post
My observations:

- Basic chores: Cleaning / laundry etc. do not create desire in most women. However, slacking in your overall contribution to the marriage can create enough tension to harm desire.
- Splitting responsibilities is great - provided you act like a boss and do your stuff. Acting like a subordinate who needs direction (this is not design/build of a rocket nozzle - its kind of basic stuff).

Handy man stuff - this appears to produce an explicitly sexual response in many/most women. This is a certain and immediate path to bed with M2.

In general, it is honest when a wife says: I am angry at you because you are not overall pulling your weight in the marriage and that is why our sex life sucks.

And in general it is a total deflection when a wife says (to a husband who IS generally already pulling his weight): I feel so overwhelmed and stressed out by life. If you did more housework I would feel less stressed and we 'might' have more sex.
I agree with this 100%.
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post #50 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 06:58 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Well, the article didn't specify if the subjects were strictly Norwegiian which could have bearing on the relevance to other cultures. However; it did state that a study conducted by Cambridge at roughly the same time and included data from 34 countries found the opposite.

So who knows how relevant the study was in 2012 or is today. One thing is for sure: each couple has to sort this out for themselves. There is no 'right' and no 'wrong' way to go about dividing housework.
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post #51 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 07:05 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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I agree with this 100%.
Yep, MEM knocked it out of the park.
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post #52 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 08:14 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

I liked your answer a lot Blondi.

If people watched us at home in different contexts - they might frown a bit.

In the kitchen - while I'm finishing up dinner, generally I tell M2 to relax and play on her iPad or chat with me - either is fine. But after dinner I mostly clean up. I LIKE doing kitchen stuff. Always have. She has never liked kitchen stuff.

But sometimes on the weekend she's doing vacuum/dust/cleaning/organizing and I'm slacking during some of that time. In both cases we offer to help the other - and usually get a smiling decline.

I don't know if this is fair. Not inclined to towards a 'time and motion study' to determine if we are doing equal units of work

Then we have a weird time of day skew. M2 is far better in the morning and I'm more energetic at night and so we sort of help each other accordingly.




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Yep, MEM knocked it out of the park.
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post #53 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 08:31 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

I have a boyfriend. He is a single dad of teen kids and his mother lives with him full time. He is the hardest working guy I know.

Every morning he pops out of bed to throw in a load of laundry, gets his kids up, gets breakfast for everyone, gets mom to the mom sitter, gets kids to school, goes to work, then has to leave in the middle of the day frequently to get someone somewhere or meet an appointment of some kind, gets home, gets kids to sports, gets mom from sitter, gets everyone dinner, gets mom her meds and puts her to bed, does more laundry, does the dishes, cleans up the kitchen, makes sure kids do homework....not to mention making everyone's doctor appointments and other arrangements for school and sports, takes care of his cars and the home he owns, does the shopping for everyone's wardrobe needs and groceries, and everything else you can think of that a household needs. His job is somewhat stressful and he works his ass off to provide for his family. Not to mention the cost of the dozen or so hungry teens that are his kids' friends who come and regularly empty his refrigerator.

His ex has custody a few days a week, but since his kids' school is closest to his house, they always come "home" after school even if it is her night. She picks them up at his house and so they end up there every day of the school week, meaning they make the same messes and they and their friends eat all the food every day, even on her days.

How busy he is makes my head spin!

But it also makes me admire and respect him. It makes me swoon, too. To see him handle all of this, without complaint and almost always with a great attitude and love for his family.......so sexy. I feel lucky that he can make time for me. My life is no cake walk (especially right now) but I am never, ever as busy as he is, not even close. But yet when he does make time for me, he has plenty of energy for me and is never, ever whiny about his life. He is engaged with his own life and is very good at it. He needs no one....what I do add to his life is just icing for him, and he appreciates it so much....but as far as "needing" me or anyone, nope. He's in charge of his life and family and he takes care of all of it.

He only has a couple of really great dishes that he makes from scratch...but good lord are they GREAT.....he cooks for me usually when I go visit him and I've never loved eating home cooking as much in my life! Prepared for me by this excellent family man in his own home...and then he cleans up the kitchen!

When he comes to my place, we are safer if I order him food than if I make him anything, so I treat him well in the fact that I lavish him with any expensive restaurant food of his choice and serve it to him with love and appreciation for how much he does for everyone else.

Does his household habits get him laid more?

All I know is that he turns me on greatly, and his attitude and fortitude make him even more attractive to me. The way he loves and takes care of his kids and mother make me feel all warm and fuzzy for him, which do also increase my attraction. Him doing these things has NOTHING to do with me, and yet they make me want to boink him every chance I can get.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #54 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 08:33 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

As the resident expert in soft sciences let me add to Mem's post about correlation vs causation.

To better understand what's going on you need a few added variables such as employment status of both partners.

If the husband works and wife doesn't, IMHO it's a stretch to expect the husband to do a whole lot of housework. If he does, it may come out as weak.

If both work, he has to do a lot of the work. But a working wife may feel she can do better or be less accomodating or flexible or a myriad of other working couple things. She's not tied to the money side so she can walk.

If she works and he doesn't... That is often a recipe for marital issues in itself.

If neither works, well... Tell me how you did it 😁
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post #55 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 08:55 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Yes - employment status is key

I only cooked on the weekends when M2 was a sahm. I worked a much more demanding job back then and did almost no housework.

And John I know that finances can make the marriage more stable - but I could not remain emotionally engaged in a marriage that mainly existed due to the 'mechanics of life'.

I need to know my partner WANTS to be with ME. My goal was to create financial stability so that the 'mechanics of life' were fairly easy and not a steady source of anxiety.

98% of what we do isn't expensive - walking - crossword puzzles - racquetball - movies - back scratches - sex. Ok - maybe we are a bit casual about restaurants....

But the couple things that are pricey - season tickets to the theater - a couple vacations a year - don't create stress because they are the exception.



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As the resident expert in soft sciences let me add to Mem's post about correlation vs causation.

To better understand what's going on you need a few added variables such as employment status of both partners.

If the husband works and wife doesn't, IMHO it's a stretch to expect the husband to do a whole lot of housework. If he does, it may come out as weak.

If both work, he has to do a lot of the work. But a working wife may feel she can do better or be less accomodating or flexible or a myriad of other working couple things. She's not tied to the money side so she can walk.

If she works and he doesn't... That is often a recipe for marital issues in itself.

If neither works, well... Tell me how you did it 😁
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post #56 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 09:57 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

If you do too much it's a problem. Marriage should be balanced @ 50/50.
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post #57 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:11 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

There's labor and there's labor. Those with a course or two in Work Design understand this well... My wife considers washing the dishes as work similar to building a retaining wall out of C-blocks. Definitely not the same. I just spent 2 hours washing 1000 sq ft of carpet with my pride and joy (Bissell Big Green Machine). She spent 20 minutes heating dinner and washing dishes.

It's more a "to each according to their abilities" type thing. Not 50/50.
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post #58 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:17 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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It's more a "to each according to their abilities" type thing. Not 50/50.
Yep.
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post #59 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 07:34 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Yesterday, my husband did laundry and cooked dinner. And we had great sex.

It's probably not causation, but it is correlation.
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post #60 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 08:03 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

I would think it would also depend on how the man feels about doing those chores. There are still plenty of men out there who deeply resent having to do any housework at all, as they consider it all to be the wife's job even if she is also working full time outside the home. They consider any chores they do as "helping" her with her job, so they eventually start to resent "having to help" with something they view as not their responsibility. For these men, the more they're asked to do in regards to chores at home, the more they resent their wife. Resentment makes for a very unhealthy marriage, which would necessarily be more prone to divorce.

Bottom line: every couple needs to figure out what works for the both of them. If their ideas regarding division of labor don't mesh well and one or both aren't willing to completely re-think their position, then there's a real point of incompatibility that may eventually be a deal-breaker for the relationship.

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
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