Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce? - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 08:35 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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They consider any chores they do as "helping" her with her job, so they eventually start to resent "having to help" with something they view as not their responsibility. For these men, the more they're asked to do in regards to chores at home, the more they resent their wife. Resentment makes for a very unhealthy marriage, which would necessarily be more prone to divorce.

Bottom line: every couple needs to figure out what works for the both of them.
Early on we both worked full time but keeping up with chores was difficult. No resentment yet, but it just wasn't working. We talked and decided she would cut back her hours so she could have more time to handle specific things. I would resent it if after that I wound up having to help with those things. She's not lazy or shirker, I learned if found myself doing laundry or food shopping often I needed to check on her mental state, she was likely depressed.

We still routinely check in with each other, is the balance OK. But as we are getting older things that she used to physically be able to do are now falling on me. I'll gladly move laundry but fold it, not happening.

ETA: I forgot about this, that was in the days before online banking and paying the bills was a time consuming task. That, and we only had 1 car.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #62 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 08:56 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

I think that whoever is home more should be doing more of the household chores.
In our house, I work from home about 60% of the time, so I always take small breaks to do dishes, laundry, vacuum, etc.
Odo is more of a mess-maker, but he will spend some time on the weekends clearing away his things, particularly if I ask him to. He always has so many projects going on, I only ask if I think he's done with a particular task and doesn't need his tools out any longer.

The way I see it, a man is going to be doing chores no matter what. If his wife divorces him, he's going to be washing his own underpants and taking out the garbage filled with paper plates.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #63 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 09:55 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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Originally Posted by john117 View Post
It's more a "to each according to their abilities" type thing. Not 50/50.
This is a good attitude to have about marriage in general, john.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #64 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 03:49 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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Does his household habits get him laid more?

All I know is that he turns me on greatly, and his attitude and fortitude make him even more attractive to me. The way he loves and takes care of his kids and mother make me feel all warm and fuzzy for him, which do also increase my attraction. Him doing these things has NOTHING to do with me, and yet they make me want to boink him every chance I can get.
But @Faithful Wife the dynamics there are different because he is your boyfriend and you see his level of care and attention to needs unrelated to yours.

Imagine if he were to step into your life, marry you, and begin providing that level of service for everything that has to do with you. At first it would likely be awesome, but over time perhaps he would feel more like a maid or chauffeur. I'm not sure what it is about our society, but more often than not we tend to place ourselves above those that fit the description of "the help." The average wife would likely not respond well to this sexually, and seek out another partner equally as privileged as she perceives herself to be.

Ideally there has to be a balance of chores so that there is equality in a marriage. This allows both people to feel appreciated, respected, and part of the team.

BUT there is one huge dynamic overlooked here. Women often do the bulk of household chores when it comes to nurturing the kids. The moments that the man steps in and helps with the smallest thing, he demands to be treated like a freaking hero for all the help he just provided. I am guilty of that big time! My wife will do four loads of laundry. Perhaps I'll help shift one load from the wash over to the dryer while she is cooking something, then I demand all the credit for helping out around the house. Now I realize that is not good, but yet I still catch myself doing it. My wife gives me an angry stare, and I just smile back and warn her that she should know that I am just too darn proud of myself and that she should learn to do the same!

Regards,
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post #65 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 05:01 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

I really should not have read this thread but I did pick up some insight. My first reaction was that the title was obviously written out of order and it should have read "Divorced men Do more Chores".
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post #66 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 07:33 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

@badsanta, your wife needs to copy Happy on Scorpion. She made a gadget for Doc that he can click and hear her voice saying "Attaboy!". Cause she sure wasn't going to be patting his head every time he wanted validation.
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post #67 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 07:42 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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@badsanta, your wife needs to copy Happy on Scorpion. She made a gadget for Doc that he can click and hear her voice saying "Attaboy!". Cause she sure wasn't going to be patting his head every time he wanted validation.
She never gives me any validation for helping around the house. I have to seek that from within myself, and I have to admit that when I do some laundry and I no longer have to go commando that it actually does feel satisfying!
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post #68 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 08:50 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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She never gives me any validation for helping around the house. I have to seek that from within myself, and I have to admit that when I do some laundry and I no longer have to go commando that it actually does feel satisfying!
I've done laundry at home for decades... But there's chores and chores. It took us three months to put the lower level in place after having the cat roam for 5 months... Nearly all the work was my doing.

You do things because it's the right thing to do, not because you want accolades. Same reason I raised my daughters. Mom was too busy saving the whales so I did it.

As Devo put it, "duty now for the future".
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post #69 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 10:33 PM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
The More Chores A Husband Does, The More Likely The Marriage Will End In Divorce

I don't know if I necessarily agree with this, but what the heck...I felt like stirring the pot.

Ladies are encouraged to comment as well, please.

Discuss.


I do some chores every day before and after work because it must be done and never piles up. Do I want to spend 4 hours doing chores or 30 minutes? I'll take 30 minutes a day.

By me doing more than my share of the inside and outside chores, this has not increased Mrs.CuddleBug's sex drive at all. She is happy and greatful but the sex doesn't increase or improve.

I could do no chores all week, she would freak because we now have to spend 4+ hours one day....

If doing little to no chores or doing most of the chores got Mrs.CuddleBug to want sex most of the time, I would of been all over that long ago.

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.
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post #70 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 06:01 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

While doing laundry or dishes I used to sing and hum Castle on a Cloud pretending to be a male Cosette from Les Miserables. It didn't work. 😆

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post #71 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 06:11 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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We usually tag team unloading, I do the high stuff, she the lower.
Brief hijack - my daughter thinks she's 5 feet tall, but isn't and I never let her get away with that bold lie. Anyway, if I dropped something I asked her to pick it up because "she's closer." That might have something to do with why I didn't get help in the kitchen.

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post #72 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 06:31 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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My own experiences make me suspicious of the underlying assumption that people are telling the truth about division of labor.

I do the cooking, all of the dishes, trash, yard work, and vacuuming. I also pick the kids up from school every day and help them with their homework. My wife does laundry and occasionally cleans a bathroom. Yet if you were to ask her, she does the lions share of the housework. She's not intentionally lying either--she really believes it.
That matches my own experience and it seems to be cultural. In a household where the man normally cooks, the question as to who usually cooks might typically be answered in three ways:
Scandinavian lady: "He normally does the cooking." No need for excuses as no judgement is attached.
American lady: "He likes to cook so he ofter does it, to relax after work." Feels the need to excuse it so that she is not an evil scorpion ***** wife from hell.
British lady: "I always cook, you could not trust him in the kitchen"
I remember reading a story in Denmark about research that showed the Scandinavians were unusual in only slightly exaggerating what they did proportionately. I have also read that while women grossly overestimate the time they spend on housework and work they also slightly overestimate the amount their partner does, men tend to underestimate both what they are their partner does.

And all three will be sincere. I suspect in a house where the man is doing almost all of the housework and working hard at work, it will be reported as splitting the housework about evenly and he might well lose patience.

I also had the acquaintance of a lady who left her husband who consistently and willfully earnt less money that her (there were other reasons too). She felt shallow for letting it bother her, and he had tried to compensate by doing most of the housework. Considering that he was a poet who wrote about feelings, that was brutally insensitive of him.
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post #73 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 06:32 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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She never gives me any validation for helping around the house. I have to seek that from within myself, and I have to admit that when I do some laundry and I no longer have to go commando that it actually does feel satisfying!
Blimey, if you need validation from your wife, things are going to be difficult.
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post #74 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 06:35 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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Honestly, any guy who thinks that doing more chores at home is going to get him laid more is just going to end up frustrated when he finds out that one does not necessarily correlate to the other.
^THIS^

it sounds like a guy is trying to friend zone his wife into having sex with him. We know THAT does not work when dating, why would it work when married?
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post #75 of 155 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 08:05 AM
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Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

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Blimey, if you need validation from your wife, things are going to be difficult.
In the few instances I actually have felt the need for validation from my wife, I have only found myself in a world of hurt.

...as for when I do a small chore around the house and I feel like a super hero, well that is just because I'm easily astounded and cheerful of my abilities to accomplish even the smallest tasks! My wife accuses me of taking her for granted when this happens... from now on I'll tell her if she wants to feel like a super hero for rinsing the dishes that she needs to start rinsing them like me (a super hero that is!)!

Cheers,
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