Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce? - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

User Tag List

 307Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #121 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 08:53 AM
Member
 
BetrayedDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 3,098
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
Why in the hell so many men think they should be rewarded with sex or a standing ovation for doing what most women are stuck doing every day of their lives - while working a full time job on top of it - makes my head explode. I have YET to see a man bring a woman a gift every single day for doing all this crap, yet men are supposed to be rewarded.

As IF.
So apparently for you, sex with your husband is not something you WANT to do but rather some type of reward for him exclusively?!?

That the equivalent for you is not reciprocal sex but instead him giving you an "object" like a gift because that's apparently more valuable.

When sex is a chore for your spouse gents, file for DIVORCE. I'd rather have an enthusiastic right hand than a dead star fish in the bedroom.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
BetrayedDad is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #122 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:03 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: California
Posts: 2,480
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
You refuse to connect emotionally with her, john. The most important part of modern marriage, and you stubbornly refuse to do it.
With respect, jld, you appear to have abandonment issues. In every scenario, you picture a little girl looking for firm but loving guidance. You do not tackle these as you see it as reality. But accept what you see as stubbornness in others can be seen as stubbornness in yourself.
Mr The Other is offline  
post #123 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:21 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: California
Posts: 2,480
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
European men might be better husbands than American men. Not sure if this is true, but it does make me wonder.

Glad to see you understand the importance of the right kind of sensitivity.

Disappointed you seem to have broken some hearts, though.
The patriotic part of me would like to agree, but I am not sure.

Thank you.

And, yes, it is a shame. Fresh out of a divorce, I was not ready to settle down, but that is still a deep shame.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
This is flattering, MTO, but I do not think I bring more than other wives I know do. I could easily be persuaded I bring less.

My husband is an undeserved gift in my life. I am not sure why he loves me so much, but I am very grateful he does.
Indeed, not that I agree as such, but I understand exactly where you are coming from. I do think you bring deep empathy to the situations you read. You immediately feel a sense of abandonment and disconnection. I suspect this does sometimes mean you do not see all sides.
Mr The Other is offline  
post #124 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:26 AM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,496
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr The Other View Post
With respect, jld, you appear to have abandonment issues. In every scenario, you picture a little girl looking for firm but loving guidance. You do not tackle these as you see it as reality. But accept what you see as stubbornness in others can be seen as stubbornness in yourself.
I certainly have abandonment issues. I also feel powerless in many ways, including in my marriage.

I just called Dug to read him your comment about stubbornness. He said he does not see me as stubborn.

He said I have strong opinions and I am going to defend them. He said I am not simply going to bow down to another when I believe in my position.

I absolutely believe in what I have told you, john. You could right this marriage. You are smart enough and I believe strong enough. But you would have to humble yourself and acknowledge your wife's pain first.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #125 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:29 AM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,496
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr The Other View Post
The patriotic part of me would like to agree, but I am not sure.

Thank you.

And, yes, it is a shame. Fresh out of a divorce, I was not ready to settle down, but that is still a deep shame.
Thank you for acknowledging this.

Quote:
Indeed, not that I agree as such, but I understand exactly where you are coming from. I do think you bring deep empathy to the situations you read. You immediately feel a sense of abandonment and disconnection. I suspect this does sometimes mean you do not see all sides.
That might be true. For sure, I do not weigh all sides equally. I do not think they are equal.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #126 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:38 AM
Member
 
Holdingontoit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: In the woods
Posts: 1,381
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
I do not trust men who demand "equality."
Not the men, the women. As my mother said "I will never accept equality because I have no intention of stepping down off my pedestal."

When you can see it coming, duck!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Holdingontoit is online now  
post #127 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:39 AM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,496
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Holdingontoit View Post
Not the men, the women. As my mother said "I will never accept equality because I have no intention of stepping down off my pedestal."
Smart woman, your mother.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #128 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:45 AM
Member
 
Holdingontoit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: In the woods
Posts: 1,381
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

See, but my wife didn't like being put on a pedestal. Until recently. When she was healthy she thought it was insulting and a sign of weakness that I wanted to put her there. She felt she had huge value and deserved to be treated well so she gave me no credit for doing what she felt she was entitled to. Now after the cancer and recovery she sees herself as having less value. At this point she feels I treat her better than she deserves. She appreciates that I did not trade her in for a car that hadn't had so much body work. I think she was wrong both times. But fighting with her over it is pointless. So I just enjoy being more appreciated.

When you can see it coming, duck!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Holdingontoit is online now  
post #129 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:56 AM
Member
 
john117's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 11,827
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Ah, jld..

This is one of those "you oughta be a fly on the wall" moments.

This weekend was a classic example. We're going to DC to renew wife's passport. The picture requirements are such that a Walmart type passport picture will not do. We use Sears or JCPenney photo studio instead. Alas, they either closed down or don't do passport pictures​ any more. Needless to say she goes into full scale emotional convulsions while I quickly find a local pro photographer who's open on Sundays​ and does this kind of work. $30 later problem addressed.

Was this appreciated? Expletive deleted not. There simply is no place in some people's​ mind for "appreciation".

You seem to have a very narrow set of behavior expectations based on what you consider typical and atypical behavior. In reality, the bounds of atypical behavior are leagues apart.
john117 is online now  
post #130 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 10:00 AM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,496
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Holdingontoit View Post
See, but my wife didn't like being put on a pedestal. Until recently. When she was healthy she thought it was insulting and a sign of weakness that I wanted to put her there. She felt she had huge value and deserved to be treated well so she gave me no credit for doing what she felt she was entitled to. Now after the cancer and recovery she sees herself as having less value. At this point she feels I treat her better than she deserves. She appreciates that I did not trade her in for a car that hadn't had so much body work. I think she was wrong both times. But fighting with her over it is pointless. So I just enjoy being more appreciated.
The bolded sounds like pride. Ugly in both sexes.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #131 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 10:02 AM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,496
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by john117 View Post
Ah, jld..

This is one of those "you oughta be a fly on the wall" moments.

This weekend was a classic example. We're going to DC to renew wife's passport. The picture requirements are such that a Walmart type passport picture will not do. We use Sears or JCPenney photo studio instead. Alas, they either closed down or don't do passport pictures​ any more. Needless to say she goes into full scale emotional convulsions while I quickly find a local pro photographer who's open on Sundays​ and does this kind of work. $30 later problem addressed.

Was this appreciated? Expletive deleted not. There simply is no place in some people's​ mind for "appreciation".

You seem to have a very narrow set of behavior expectations based on what you consider typical and atypical behavior. In reality, the bounds of atypical behavior are leagues apart.
What did you say or do to reassure her emotionally?

This is for an American passport, correct? We always go to Walgreen's for that.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #132 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 10:37 AM
Member
 
john117's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 11,827
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

No, it's for her Frigidistan passport.

Nothing I said alleviated her concerns, in fact, I got blamed because the first set of pictures we got at another place with her "guidance" did not match the requirements. Then she went postal, and went thru her usual meltdown routine while I was busy calling places.

As I said, you should have been there 😁
john117 is online now  
post #133 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 11:52 AM
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 5,396
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by john117 View Post
Ah, jld..

This is one of those "you oughta be a fly on the wall" moments.

This weekend was a classic example. We're going to DC to renew wife's passport. The picture requirements are such that a Walmart type passport picture will not do. We use Sears or JCPenney photo studio instead. Alas, they either closed down or don't do passport pictures​ any more. Needless to say she goes into full scale emotional convulsions while I quickly find a local pro photographer who's open on Sundays​ and does this kind of work. $30 later problem addressed.

Was this appreciated? Expletive deleted not. There simply is no place in some people's​ mind for "appreciation".

You seem to have a very narrow set of behavior expectations based on what you consider typical and atypical behavior. In reality, the bounds of atypical behavior are leagues apart.
How are WalMart passport photos not acceptable?

If you go to the Passport Office in DC, there used to be a place right next do to buy pictures. The Passport Office moved to a new location about 3 yrs ago, and I don't know if the picture place followed suit, but it's pretty likely. But even if they didn't, I swear there is a CVS on every corner in DC, and most of them do passport photos, too.

Let me know if you need food recommendations!

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is online now  
post #134 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 11:59 AM
Member
 
john117's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 11,827
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

This is for a passport from the Republic of Frigidistan... Not a US passport. Not every country has the same picture requirements.

My birth country requires that pictures be taken at a specific photo place 😁 near the consulate so they're known good... You'll be amazed at the crazy requirements some countries pose.
john117 is online now  
post #135 of 171 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 01:10 PM
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 5,396
Re: Men Doing More Chores Increases Divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by john117 View Post
This is for a passport from the Republic of Frigidistan... Not a US passport. Not every country has the same picture requirements.

My birth country requires that pictures be taken at a specific photo place 😁 near the consulate so they're known good... You'll be amazed at the crazy requirements some countries pose.
Ah, I see. CVS definitely won't do, then.

Does it have to be one of those photos that has the face both forward facing, AND in profile? That's got to be a PITA.

But why the hell are her pictures YOUR problem? She's an adult, she should act like one.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Are there that many Jack A$$ men think positive The Ladies' Lounge 106 01-11-2017 01:23 AM
Wife left, pushed the divorce and ever since I agreed, she's dragging her feet? whatisluv Going Through Divorce or Separation 52 10-25-2016 10:44 AM
My wife is having an online affair with a convicted child killer (and many other men) Betrayeduser Coping with Infidelity 132 07-11-2016 06:47 PM
Article: Why Women Leave Men They Love MAJDEATH General Relationship Discussion 54 03-29-2016 12:59 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome