The bath mat example (they're supposed to get wet!) and son smoking pot in the house (pot never killed anyone) are both examples of disrespect. The responses divert attention away from the real issue which is showing respect.
When your son has his own home, then he can smoke whatever he wants, whenever he wants and for how long he wants. But, until then, he needs to show respect to others.
You can laugh about the silly bath mat 'til the cows come home but it won't stop her feeling disrespected. So, get your ass down to Bed Bath & Beyond and buy another damn bath mat and let her see that you do consider her wishes. And, if you're too proud to bend in this area then get out.
Hey, the pot smoking thing...yea, when he has his own place, he can do what he wants. I've told him that (in addition to telling him I don't like him doing it in the first place). Some have suggested that I just toss him to his mom lol. Yea, that's really nice. The kid would feel great that his dad doesn't want him around. Easy peasy. If that's what you'd do, then by all means, do it. Not my thing. And I would just like to add something about my son. He may be a bit hard to handle at times at home, but when he is outside of the house, he is highly liked and respected by others, and I hear about it. Even a local police officer who knows him thinks he is a great kid, and that says a lot, especially with the teens you have these days. So, am I ok with a little back-and-forth with him at home? Yup. Do I get mad at him and ask him to do things, yup. Does he get mad at me, yup. Sounds pretty normal to me. In fact, I know lots of families that go bat **** crazy at each other, police coming to the house all the time, things being thrown, fights getting physical, etc. And here I am, having discussions with my son, in an intelligent and caring way, listening to his story, and adding my two cents on the matter -so that he sees that I respect him and his opinions and issues at hand and not just treating him like a toddler. IMHO, this will teach him to be that way to others, and maybe even a future wife and children. Believe me, I could just put my fist up and tell him that if he does X he will get Y. Nah, I'm all good with that.
No, I will actually go and buy a bath mat. I actually am interested in what kind of drama THAT will bring! Ugh, now she has to wash TWO bathmats...(she doesn't let me do our laundry for some damn reason) why do we need TWO bath mats!? It's a vicious cycle of do good, not good enough, whelp so much for that. If someone feels that they are being "disrespected" because the bath mat gets wet, then their priorities are all messed up. Anyways, since I've had this conversation about the mat, I've heard some of you say I just need to be respectful and buy another one for everyone else's use -that's what I'm going to do. I guarantee, if I do this without her knowledge, and carefully place the mat over the edge of the tub in a nice and neat manner, I'll be asked why I purchased another bath mat. That will itself become disrespectful...her: "was there something wrong with the one we had?" me: "nope, just trying to keep yours from getting wet". her: "well that's just stupid." ahh, I can see the convo now.