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post #16 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 02:16 PM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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Well if he is "divorced" and a "prayer leader" in a "Catholic" church... well I can see at least a few conflicts he struggles with! That may also be one of the reasons he does not let you get too close! Perhaps he is somehow chastised by the church because in the eyes of his religion, he is still married.
Wrote my previous post before I saw the most recent replies. I should have refreshed my browser...

Yeah, as a Catholic who takes the faith seriously, him having a prayer room isn't unusual at all. Very common among Catholics who have the space to make a prayer area.

Whether or not the Church still considers him married depends on whether or not he has obtained an Annulment of his first marriage. If he has, he's considered never married by the Church and is free to date and marry. If he has not, he is supposed to be conducting his life as a married man would (chastely) unless/until his exW dies or he obtains an Annulment.

Either way, as a practicing Catholic, dating is taken seriously and slowly. Heavy petting is highly discouraged and sex before marriage is verboten. If he's really a practicing man of the faith, he's going to take things super slow and spend a LOT of time getting to know prospective mates before getting serious with anyone.

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Red flag alert! He showed you his closets the 2nd time he was with you? WTH? Who does that? lol Definitely bats in the belfry.
I kind of like it. "Here I am! This is what you get if you take me on!"

The first time I went to DH's house was completely unplanned. We were going out together and, rather than be late, he picked me up directly after work and needed to go home to change. I went in with him and saw not only his closets, but his laundry area, too! He kept his keepsakes and papers in his dresser and his clothes in a large laundry hamper. When nothing in the hamper could pass the smell test, he'd throw it all in the wash on warm. I was horrified! At least no one can say I didn't know what I was getting into!

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #17 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 02:20 PM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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Red flag alert! He showed you his closets the 2nd time he was with you? WTH? Who does that? lol Definitely bats in the belfry.
Even Christian Gray took more than two dates...
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post #18 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 02:25 PM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

Did you have sex with him? If yes, he got what he really wanted. If no, perhaps that is why is is not that interested anymore. I had a friend who women just loved to talk to and do things like you described. Could not figure out why the relationships never lasted. When he asked the girls they all said that they loved him like a brother. He asked me and my wife to double date with him and a new girlfriend. I saw the problem immediately, he never once did anything physically intimate. Did not try to hold her hand, put an arm around her, kiss her or even dance a slow dance with her despite being in a dance club. He never verbally let her know that he found her sex and desirable. He was in the friend zone and that is a bad place to be.

Sounds like you are a good friend but men and even women need more than that. A man needs to know that you are interested in being physical with him. Most adult men expect sex at some point or at least sexual interest in them. Sounds like all that the two of you did is just like what friends would do. Women who date me will know that I am sexually interested in them quickly. Not in a crude way, but because I will interact with them as a lover, not a good friend. If you did have sex with him, there might be a reason why he would not drive 45 minutes for more.

The internet is filled with people stuck in the friend zone wondering why the other person left or why they cannot take it to the next level. You sound like a great friend, but that is all that you seem to be. The friend zone does not make men drive 45 minutes. Your entire post sounds like a friendship and once you tell your life story to a girl, what is left to discuss? If there was a physical attraction he would have pressed for a physical relationship or at least asked about the possibility. I never had a girl as a friend. I went out with girls to see if they were going to make a good mate for me. I treated tham as a potential lover, not someone to share my emotions with until after we have been intimate. I am not looking to be a friend first and lover second, quite the opposite. Examine your relationship and find why he has lost interest. Your entire post sounds like a friendship and that is the kiss of death if it comes before love.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #19 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 08:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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Red flag alert! He showed you his closets the 2nd time he was with you? WTH? Who does that? lol Definitely bats in the belfry.
I thought it was strange too! I would not even consider showing someone my clothes closet. That's just odd!
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post #20 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 08:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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Did you have sex with him? If yes, he got what he really wanted. If no, perhaps that is why is is not that interested anymore. I had a friend who women just loved to talk to and do things like you described. Could not figure out why the relationships never lasted. When he asked the girls they all said that they loved him like a brother. He asked me and my wife to double date with him and a new girlfriend. I saw the problem immediately, he never once did anything physically intimate. Did not try to hold her hand, put an arm around her, kiss her or even dance a slow dance with her despite being in a dance club. He never verbally let her know that he found her sex and desirable. He was in the friend zone and that is a bad place to be.

Sounds like you are a good friend but men and even women need more than that. A man needs to know that you are interested in being physical with him. Most adult men expect sex at some point or at least sexual interest in them. Sounds like all that the two of you did is just like what friends would do. Women who date me will know that I am sexually interested in them quickly. Not in a crude way, but because I will interact with them as a lover, not a good friend. If you did have sex with him, there might be a reason why he would not drive 45 minutes for more.

The internet is filled with people stuck in the friend zone wondering why the other person left or why they cannot take it to the next level. You sound like a great friend, but that is all that you seem to be. The friend zone does not make men drive 45 minutes. Your entire post sounds like a friendship and once you tell your life story to a girl, what is left to discuss? If there was a physical attraction he would have pressed for a physical relationship or at least asked about the possibility. I never had a girl as a friend. I went out with girls to see if they were going to make a good mate for me. I treated tham as a potential lover, not someone to share my emotions with until after we have been intimate. I am not looking to be a friend first and lover second, quite the opposite. Examine your relationship and find why he has lost interest. Your entire post sounds like a friendship and that is the kiss of death if it comes before love.
NO!!!!! I did not know this man well enough for anything like that!
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post #21 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 08:23 AM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

Sounds to me like the distance was an issue for him so he emotionally backed out. I have experienced this as well when first dating And was dating women out of town. Finally found one I really liked but problem was she was where she wanted to be and me the same. We would always have that distance between us. That didn't both her but did me, I was looking for more of a couple times a week contact.

You didn't do anything wrong. Just not the guy for you. Will be others.
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post #22 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 08:48 AM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

I think he was interested in you that is why he showed you more intimate things of himself- prayer room, closets etc.He also included you in what was going on with the phone calls he received while with you. I have nuns back in my family we are so deeply catholic and I assure you a "prayer room" is very common though we never called it a prayer room.

He was just being honest with you and I think everyone here should appreciate that he didn't have sex with you before telling you, he didn't drag down your time with him talking about his ex or why he divorced or even get too deep with his personal beliefs. He spent honest time with you getting to know you at things you were comfortable with and was honest enough to acknowledge and accept that both of your busy schedules along with the distance was going to be a problem. He should be on here giving advice on how to be honest and treat people!

I would continue a friendly relationship with him if both of you want to and who knows what may happen one day. He doesn't appear the type to lead you on or lie to you. Just enjoy each others company when you can for now
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post #23 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 04:30 PM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

AVR... Im a little late to the party here, but I think you dodged a bullet on this one! He sounds like a weirdo to me! Having a prayer room would have made me beat feet for the door!

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #24 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 04:40 PM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

(Woman's point of view here) If a guy is interested in a woman and has amazing chemistry with her, he'll swim ten miles to get to her. The fact that he brought up distance as a factor, tells me he's not interested and it's time to move on. You did nothing wrong. That's what dating is all about, finding out if there's chemistry, to go further into a more serious relationship.
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post #25 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 04:49 PM
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Cool Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

@AVR1962 ~ I personally would like to think that he was originally interested in you, but that you were squarely behind the eight ball going in!

I really believe that your only chance with this good doctor was only if you happened to "knock it out of the park!"

IMHO, although despite the fact that you hit a bases loaded triple, it was not nearly enough for him! It is not your fault; it is his! Not your loss ~ only his!

Just chalk it up to experience! And trust me when I say that there will be an even greater guy waiting for you out in the wings!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 03-21-2017 at 07:23 PM. Reason: Edification
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post #26 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 06:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

I think I am even more confused that I was before. So I made no contact. We had left it that we would be friends and that we would contact each other from time to time. He left a message on my phone that a friend of his had passed, we had talked about how sick he was previous. In the message he left he told me that we agreed to be in touch from time to time. I texted him let him know I got his message and told him I hoped he was not beating hisself up for not getting the see his friend earlier. He said he was not, said that he had talked to his friend, friend knew his plans but they had not worked out like they planned. So several days go by, I figured the funeral was over so I text him saying I was thinking of him, that was all. In response he tells me he was thinking about me too and tells me all these wonderful things about me....how sweet I am, on and on about my good qualities....nothing said about physical or sexual stuff (thank goodness). I am just totally flabbergasted. This man writes like a poet, seriously. The last text of the night he tells me that he wants to give himself fully to me but that he has someone conflicting him and he needs to deal with it. I did not ask what it was. I figure he is the one that needs to figure this out. My reply was "time will give you answers, sweet dreams."

Of course my head has been swimming wondering what he is being conflicted by but when we talk again I will ask him if he minds sharing.
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post #27 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 06:23 PM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

It sounds like there really wasn't any chemistry between the two of you. You did absolutely nothing wrong, nor did he. The two of you just aren't a "fit".

To put things into perspective, my girlfriend and I have a six and a half hour drive between us, and we see each other every single weekend. Chemistry.
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post #28 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 06:30 PM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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I think I am even more confused that I was before. So I made no contact. We had left it that we would be friends and that we would contact each other from time to time. He left a message on my phone that a friend of his had passed, we had talked about how sick he was previous. In the message he left he told me that we agreed to be in touch from time to time. I texted him let him know I got his message and told him I hoped he was not beating hisself up for not getting the see his friend earlier. He said he was not, said that he had talked to his friend, friend knew his plans but they had not worked out like they planned. So several days go by, I figured the funeral was over so I text him saying I was thinking of him, that was all. In response he tells me he was thinking about me too and tells me all these wonderful things about me....how sweet I am, on and on about my good qualities....nothing said about physical or sexual stuff (thank goodness). I am just totally flabbergasted. This man writes like a poet, seriously. The last text of the night he tells me that he wants to give himself fully to me but that he has someone conflicting him and he needs to deal with it. I did not ask what it was. I figure he is the one that needs to figure this out. My reply was "time will give you answers, sweet dreams."

Of course my head has been swimming wondering what he is being conflicted by but when we talk again I will ask him if he minds sharing.
Honestly, it sounds like he is otherwise occupied. You sound like a distant "plan B" to me. I really hope that you won't settle for the drips and dregs he is giving you. Move on.
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post #29 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 07:03 PM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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AVR... Im a little late to the party here, but I think you dodged a bullet on this one! He sounds like a weirdo to me! Having a prayer room would have made me beat feet for the door!
Oh God yes...me too!

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The last text of the night he tells me that he wants to give himself fully to me but that he has someone conflicting him and he needs to deal with it. I did not ask what it was. I figure he is the one that needs to figure this out. My reply was "time will give you answers, sweet dreams."
There's your answer right there - he's either married, involved with someone else or there's an ex hanging around.

You did nothing wrong. He considers 45 minutes distance? Lol. I lived 45 mins from my husband when we met. I only "ticked some of the boxes" on his list, lol. I certainly didn't live within 5km of him! He saw something in me that he thought was worth pursuing anyway...the right man will move mountains to see a woman he loves.
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post #30 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 10:59 PM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

He did nothing wrong either... he was simply himself.

This was simply not the connection you were looking for, nor he... think of it as a disguised kindness for you both.

नमस्ते 🙏
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