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post #46 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 06:26 PM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

@MJJEAN just as a point of reference I was married in a conservative Catholic Church almost 30 years ago. The precana priest talked about having to sign something about raising our kids catholic in the past but that some Christians were offended. He seemed surprised by that but I laughed and said of course they were offended.

I had to provide a baptismal letter and a letter of reference as to my character. The family priest suggested my mother. I did and I assume the priest did the rest. But we dated 6 years prior to marriage so there were no surprises and the Catholic Church was actually pretty open to marrying me with a joint catholic / Protestant service.

So while your views are valid based on your experience, I believe it varies by region as to the level of conservativeness one will find in "a good catholic". Assuredly the priests, bishops and possibly cardinal (sorry not sure of the ranks) who were likely Involved in allowing my W to marry a "non-catholic" as many Catholics amusingly call other christians were good Catholics.

I've run into many Catholics who will swear on a stack of bibles that the church wouldn't allow a Protestant minister to jointly perform a service. It's funny how strongly people believe what they do about the complex laws of the church.




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post #47 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 06:40 PM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

I think he told you what his issues are. You two have difficult schedules and live too far apart for his liking. His mother is against him getting involved with a white woman.

He seems to like you a lot, but it's awfully difficult for someone to start a relationship with someone who they think will not be accepted by his family. I wonder why he even considered you to begin with. Probably because he thinks you are pretty and you caught his eye, based on what he said.

Let go. This man is not for you. He may have no problem whatsoever with your color differences, but clearly his mother does and he cares very much what his mother thinks. If you two were to try to make it work, I have a feeling there would be a lot of difficulty and you would not be happy.

I have no problem whatsoever with mixed "race" marriages. But I would not recommend any of my children marry into a family that would not accept them due to "race" or any other matter. Having your spouse's family against you if your spouse is close to their family can be really hard and demoralizing. I have a friend whose in-laws use racial slurs when referring to her. It hurts her feelings. She is a good wife and mother, yet they can't see past the color of her skin. It's pretty ugly.


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post #48 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 07:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
He's a nut job.

He keeps texting you back as you text him, because he likes your admiration. But, notice he doesn't text you first--- because you are NOT on his mind. If he liked you like you liked him, he WOULD be communicating that to you.
You HAVE done something wrong. You let yourself develop feelings for someone before they earned your trust. I've done it as well.

Now you are going to have to deal with forgetting he exists. That's what I'd do if I were you. Move on to the next man. The relationship with this one is a dead end.
Sorry, but there's plenty more men where he came from.
You'll find a good one if you keep looking and don't settle for less than a man who is completely crazy about you.
He IS the one texting me first, and get long text messages. He IS the one calling and we talk for hours. I think I have called him once. The rest of the time it has been him. He has been very open. This man can express feelings. He has a real sincere heart. He is intellectual but he can laugh and let go too. Absolutely courteousness and quite the gentleman. I think it is his religious believes and possibly his thought how I would fit into his family that has him conflicted. I could be wrong. And if that is the case, it is what it is. I now see that men can have these wonderful qualities in them, something I have not seen in a very long time!!! Even if this man does not ever contact me again my life goes on and I know what an absolute A-hole my ex was and realize I put up with far too much for far too long!!! It has been nice to be treated with dignity and respect and I will take all this as a learning lesson if it goes no further than this.
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post #49 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 07:38 PM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

LOL, nutjob. I'm going the other way, but can I ask a question?
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I think I am even more confused that I was before. So I made no contact. We had left it that we would be friends and that we would contact each other from time to time. He left a message on my phone that a friend of his had passed, we had talked about how sick he was previous. In the message he left he told me that we agreed to be in touch from time to time. I texted him let him know I got his message and told him I hoped he was not beating hisself up for not getting the see his friend earlier. He said he was not, said that he had talked to his friend, friend knew his plans but they had not worked out like they planned. So several days go by, I figured the funeral was over so I text him saying I was thinking of him, that was all. In response he tells me he was thinking about me too and tells me all these wonderful things about me....how sweet I am, on and on about my good qualities....nothing said about physical or sexual stuff (thank goodness). I am just totally flabbergasted. This man writes like a poet, seriously. The last text of the night he tells me that he wants to give himself fully to me but that he has someone conflicting him and he needs to deal with it. I did not ask what it was. I figure he is the one that needs to figure this out. My reply was "time will give you answers, sweet dreams."

Of course my head has been swimming wondering what he is being conflicted by but when we talk again I will ask him if he minds sharing.
You guys are older than me, but he'd be in my sphere. Is this your first interracial dating attempt? You made a comment which I found amusing, not in a bad way, but kind of piqued my interest.
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post #50 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 09:25 PM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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Hold out for a NORMAL guy! You have already put in your time with a NOT normal man, time for some FUN!


Yes, a normal guy that eats at Golden Corral, but doesn't take his date there.
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post #51 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 09:46 PM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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I think I am even more confused that I was before. So I made no contact. We had left it that we would be friends and that we would contact each other from time to time. He left a message on my phone that a friend of his had passed, we had talked about how sick he was previous. In the message he left he told me that we agreed to be in touch from time to time. I texted him let him know I got his message and told him I hoped he was not beating hisself up for not getting the see his friend earlier. He said he was not, said that he had talked to his friend, friend knew his plans but they had not worked out like they planned. So several days go by, I figured the funeral was over so I text him saying I was thinking of him, that was all. In response he tells me he was thinking about me too and tells me all these wonderful things about me....how sweet I am, on and on about my good qualities....nothing said about physical or sexual stuff (thank goodness). I am just totally flabbergasted. This man writes like a poet, seriously. The last text of the night he tells me that he wants to give himself fully to me but that he has someone conflicting him and he needs to deal with it. I did not ask what it was. I figure he is the one that needs to figure this out. My reply was "time will give you answers, sweet dreams."

Of course my head has been swimming wondering what he is being conflicted by but when we talk again I will ask him if he minds sharing.
I'd honestly go no contact with this guy, now. He seems like he wants you to guess what is going on, and keep you around while he figures out if this someone else is worth more of his time, and if not...then, he'll ''give himself fully to you.''

I would highly recommend going no contact. He wants you wondering who has his attention and why you don't. You want to be with someone who is into you. Don't settle to be someone's plan B, when you don't have to. This early on, you shouldn't be confused, you should be having fun if it's the right guy.

Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown

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post #52 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 11:18 PM
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Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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I'd honestly go no contact with this guy, now. He seems like he wants you to guess what is going on, and keep you around while he figures out if this someone else is worth more of his time, and if not...then, he'll ''give himself fully to you.''



I would highly recommend going no contact. He wants you wondering who has his attention and why you don't. You want to be with someone who is into you. Don't settle to be someone's plan B, when you don't have to. This early on, you shouldn't be confused, you should be having fun if it's the right guy.


Funny but I don't see him being manipulative like that based on the posts so far. But he's older and older people sometimes are a bit more aware of the long game, so to speak. It sounds like he is earnest and sincere, but has issues that must be addressed before he gets too serious. Who knows... perhaps his family has negatively impacted prior relationships and he's learned not to drag anyone new into that mix without resolving the issues first.

Of course we're all speculating but I'm glad you found that there are men out there that will treat you with dignity and respect


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post #53 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 12:05 AM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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I think I am even more confused that I was before. So I made no contact. We had left it that we would be friends and that we would contact each other from time to time. He left a message on my phone that a friend of his had passed, we had talked about how sick he was previous. In the message he left he told me that we agreed to be in touch from time to time. I texted him let him know I got his message and told him I hoped he was not beating hisself up for not getting the see his friend earlier. He said he was not, said that he had talked to his friend, friend knew his plans but they had not worked out like they planned. So several days go by, I figured the funeral was over so I text him saying I was thinking of him, that was all. In response he tells me he was thinking about me too and tells me all these wonderful things about me....how sweet I am, on and on about my good qualities....nothing said about physical or sexual stuff (thank goodness). I am just totally flabbergasted. This man writes like a poet, seriously. The last text of the night he tells me that he wants to give himself fully to me but that he has someone conflicting him and he needs to deal with it. I did not ask what it was. I figure he is the one that needs to figure this out. My reply was "time will give you answers, sweet dreams."

Of course my head has been swimming wondering what he is being conflicted by but when we talk again I will ask him if he minds sharing.
How old is this guy? How old are you?
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he has someone conflicting him and he needs to deal with it” To me that sounds like he is dating some other woman and he’s keeping you on a string incase that does not work out.
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So several days go by, I figured the funeral was over so I text him saying I was thinking of him, that was all.”
You would do better to not contact him. If he texts you again, answer but not too quickly… wait a few hours or a whole day.

He is stringing you along for some reason and you don’t want to someone who is treated this way.

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post #54 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 07:48 AM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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I started communicating with a man (51), I am 54. both of us divorced. He is a doctor with a very busy schedule and I run my own small business and too tend to have long hours. We talked on the phone and texted for a couple weeks. I liked him well enough to meet and suggested this. He was up for it, I was busy and told him to choose the place and I would be there, he did. We ended up talking for 3 hours over breakfast. Very much a gentleman, insisted that he would pay, opened the doors for me. We continued to talk and text, learning about likes of music, talking career, places we had lived before. No mention about his past or why he was divorced and the conversations never went that direction, it was all surface stuff.

He went out of town one weekend, sent me a pic of him and his friend. I went out of town to visit family another weekend. We live about 45 minutes from each other and with our schedules weekends are really the only time to see each other.

I asked him if he liked to hike, he said he did so we set up to meet at this park. The weather changes on my way to the park, he calls and suggests I go to his place so I did. This is our second time together and I was certainly dressed for hiking, not for anything else. He shows me his house....closets are neat as a pin, he has a prayer and meditation room with a kneeling prayer bench, he tells me he is a prayer group leader (all of this is blowing my mind but I am happy to meet a man with faith), he shows me pictures of his mom and sister, tells me about his mom's health. He then says he is hungry and suggests we get a pizza. He drives me thru his town and shows me around, we stop for pizza and by this time weather had improved so we did a quick hike.

While hiking his phone starts ringing continuously. He answers and learns security on some of his accounts have been jeopardized. He talked (brain storms) all this thru with me on the walk....what he is going to need to do and how this could have happened. To me it showed a great deal of openness on his part. We spent hour hours together that day.

Again telephone conversations, none leading to anything personal, no mention of feelings towards me. I ask him if he likes to dance, send him links to some places that I had been that I enjoyed. He said he liked to dance but no mention of wanting to go. He would say things like "maybe we could hike closer to where you live next time."

Two months into this and it seems like we are just spinning our wheels with a bunch of surface chit chat. We had two weekends where we were both in town and he made others plans. At this point I am wanting to know if he is eve interested. I feel like I am getting mixed messages. I tell him what I like about him. He apologizes for not expressing his feelings about how he feels for me. Tells me I am very kind, caring, that I communicate well, pretty and that he likes the idea of my spiritual side. He follows that up with he feels the distance of 45 minutes and our schedules are not going to allow for us to have a relationship and get to know one another. We spent hours on the phone and the conversations never went in the direction of getting to know one another beyond surface every day life events. So I took it to mean that he was finding a nice way to say good-bye. Got off the phone feeling a bit bewildered and not really knowing what he was trying to say. he said he we were neighbors he could see us furthering the relationship but the distance was a problem. He tells me that he finally has found someone he feels he could actually have a relationship with but he has no time yet I saw him making no time.

Maybe an hour after the call he sent two more texts....one thanking me for my honesty with the conversation and another to say he was exhausted and feels like he is getting old. I replied and told him he was great and just needed to get a little more and breathe some fresh air.

Ok, give it to me? Was he ever interested in me? I actually like this guy but I have a tendency to like men who are not emotionally available. He does verbalize issues at work and can express himself. It is obvious he is educated and is diplomatic. But until I opened up to him on how he felt he had not expressed his feelings about me. I do not want to chase any man and that's kind of how this has felt with the exception that he is the one calling me and not me calling him.

I will say this as a Dominant, if a man truly wants you, he will walk on the surface of the sun to have you.
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post #55 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 08:00 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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LOL, nutjob. I'm going the other way, but can I ask a question?

You guys are older than me, but he'd be in my sphere. Is this your first interracial dating attempt? You made a comment which I found amusing, not in a bad way, but kind of piqued my interest.
I have not dating a black man before. I have black friends, some close. Somewhat new to the dating scene after 27 years!!! I have met several other men, been on dates with them too....dating after 50 is not a real pretty scene!!!! I cannot tell you how many men over 60 have shown interest in me.....60??? If I go too young they still have kids at home and really really don't want to deal with that. Alot of the men my age have not taken care of themselves and they have their eyes on the younger chicks....kind of the men over 60 chasing me. I have learned to ask if the man is married....you'd be shocked what's out there. Makes me even more aware what my ex was up to for the many years we were together.
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post #56 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 08:03 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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How old is this guy? How old are you?



You would do better to not contact him. If he texts you again, answer but not too quickly… wait a few hours or a whole day.

He is stringing you along for some reason and you don’t want to someone who is treated this way.
He is 51, I am 54. And stringing along does feel like the right word. I give your advise a try.
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post #57 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 08:08 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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Funny but I don't see him being manipulative like that based on the posts so far. But he's older and older people sometimes are a bit more aware of the long game, so to speak. It sounds like he is earnest and sincere, but has issues that must be addressed before he gets too serious. Who knows... perhaps his family has negatively impacted prior relationships and he's learned not to drag anyone new into that mix without resolving the issues first.

Of course we're all speculating but I'm glad you found that there are men out there that will treat you with dignity and respect


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If nothing else a good friendship has developed between us. I feel I can tell him just about anything. I sure wasn't wanting to get into anything fast, I need my space and I don't need anyone that is clngy, I have a life and very busy one at that. His schedule is even busier than mine, continual patients all day. Unfortunately the stuff at home doesn't get done by itself and like me sometimes I feel I have more than I can handle so I understand that part of it. He did tell me this morn he is having a hard time dealing with the death of his friend. They were neighbors and friends since childhood.
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post #58 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 08:08 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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Yes, a normal guy that eats at Golden Corral, but doesn't take his date there.
Love it!!!!!!
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post #59 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 08:43 AM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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Yes, a normal guy that eats at Golden Corral, but doesn't take his date there.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #60 of 85 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 08:44 AM
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Re: Men, What Did I Do Wrong

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He IS the one texting me first, and get long text messages. He IS the one calling and we talk for hours. I think I have called him once. The rest of the time it has been him. He has been very open. This man can express feelings. He has a real sincere heart. He is intellectual but he can laugh and let go too. Absolutely courteousness and quite the gentleman. I think it is his religious believes and possibly his thought how I would fit into his family that has him conflicted. I could be wrong. And if that is the case, it is what it is. I now see that men can have these wonderful qualities in them, something I have not seen in a very long time!!! Even if this man does not ever contact me again my life goes on and I know what an absolute A-hole my ex was and realize I put up with far too much for far too long!!! It has been nice to be treated with dignity and respect and I will take all this as a learning lesson if it goes no further than this.
While in a different vain, I recently dealt with some very significant attractions and feelings during my separation from my wife and it made me want to reconcile, but that is not what your feeling. Yes some men are decent and respectable, I would suspect this man has been hurt significantly by the prior relationship in some way, and is unable to move on or combat his feelings of loyalty. It could also be that he is shy in regards to physical contact, and or that he is aware as many men are of how powerful sex can be at making you feel love emotions and he wants to make sure before he takes that plunge that your worth the trip down the rabbit hole. then again, maybe he's just not that into you.
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