Men, What Did I Do Wrong
I started communicating with a man (51), I am 54. both of us divorced. He is a doctor with a very busy schedule and I run my own small business and too tend to have long hours. We talked on the phone and texted for a couple weeks. I liked him well enough to meet and suggested this. He was up for it, I was busy and told him to choose the place and I would be there, he did. We ended up talking for 3 hours over breakfast. Very much a gentleman, insisted that he would pay, opened the doors for me. We continued to talk and text, learning about likes of music, talking career, places we had lived before. No mention about his past or why he was divorced and the conversations never went that direction, it was all surface stuff.
He went out of town one weekend, sent me a pic of him and his friend. I went out of town to visit family another weekend. We live about 45 minutes from each other and with our schedules weekends are really the only time to see each other.
I asked him if he liked to hike, he said he did so we set up to meet at this park. The weather changes on my way to the park, he calls and suggests I go to his place so I did. This is our second time together and I was certainly dressed for hiking, not for anything else. He shows me his house....closets are neat as a pin, he has a prayer and meditation room with a kneeling prayer bench, he tells me he is a prayer group leader (all of this is blowing my mind but I am happy to meet a man with faith), he shows me pictures of his mom and sister, tells me about his mom's health. He then says he is hungry and suggests we get a pizza. He drives me thru his town and shows me around, we stop for pizza and by this time weather had improved so we did a quick hike.
While hiking his phone starts ringing continuously. He answers and learns security on some of his accounts have been jeopardized. He talked (brain storms) all this thru with me on the walk....what he is going to need to do and how this could have happened. To me it showed a great deal of openness on his part. We spent hour hours together that day.
Again telephone conversations, none leading to anything personal, no mention of feelings towards me. I ask him if he likes to dance, send him links to some places that I had been that I enjoyed. He said he liked to dance but no mention of wanting to go. He would say things like "maybe we could hike closer to where you live next time."
Two months into this and it seems like we are just spinning our wheels with a bunch of surface chit chat. We had two weekends where we were both in town and he made others plans. At this point I am wanting to know if he is eve interested. I feel like I am getting mixed messages. I tell him what I like about him. He apologizes for not expressing his feelings about how he feels for me. Tells me I am very kind, caring, that I communicate well, pretty and that he likes the idea of my spiritual side. He follows that up with he feels the distance of 45 minutes and our schedules are not going to allow for us to have a relationship and get to know one another. We spent hours on the phone and the conversations never went in the direction of getting to know one another beyond surface every day life events. So I took it to mean that he was finding a nice way to say good-bye. Got off the phone feeling a bit bewildered and not really knowing what he was trying to say. he said he we were neighbors he could see us furthering the relationship but the distance was a problem. He tells me that he finally has found someone he feels he could actually have a relationship with but he has no time yet I saw him making no time.
Maybe an hour after the call he sent two more texts....one thanking me for my honesty with the conversation and another to say he was exhausted and feels like he is getting old. I replied and told him he was great and just needed to get a little more and breathe some fresh air.
Ok, give it to me? Was he ever interested in me? I actually like this guy but I have a tendency to like men who are not emotionally available. He does verbalize issues at work and can express himself. It is obvious he is educated and is diplomatic. But until I opened up to him on how he felt he had not expressed his feelings about me. I do not want to chase any man and that's kind of how this has felt with the exception that he is the one calling me and not me calling him.