Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness. - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 05:39 PM
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

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Let me preface this... this is my believe for what I think works for me and the type of marriage I want. I don't apply this To all men and women!

I expect men to be the head of the house. I expect him to work hard and put the family first. I expect him to be the moral hierarchy. The person to go to for the best advice, the most moral advice. I expect him to live a moral ethical life in the way he speaks, and in his actions. He should respect his wife. He should see things in terms of us and we. He should see the house as our house, and if he sees something needs to be done... I.e. The laundry, he does it because he sees these things as items that need to get done, and nothing else. He is aware that he is a man, bigger and stronger than his wife, therefore he should treat her so, like carry heavy items, be protective of her. And he does all these things because it's who he is, not because his wife is good to him.

I am huge about people doing what they should do because it's the right thing to do. Not because their spouse is good to them but because of who they are. Because they are a good person with good character. If that makes sense.

To me... there is nothing better than a respectable man. I am all about character.
If that is all you expect and something you appreciate, you should have no problem finding someone and should make them happy.
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post #47 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 05:45 PM
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

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Can you remember 89? It was a serious question. Your dad gave you advice. How does it work in practice?
Well.... I have ADHD and autism. My IQ is 172 but I have to check the front door to see if

it is locked multiple times. As it is a blessing to recall almost everything, it is also, to a degree,

a curse. 1st love and I never M, nor had kids "per say." Pop warned me she was damaged.

As usual, he was right.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #48 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 05:46 PM
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

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If that is all you expect and something you appreciate, you should have no problem finding someone and should make them happy.


Haha ur funny.
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post #49 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 05:47 PM
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

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Haha ur funny.
?
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post #50 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 05:50 PM
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

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?


This doesn't fit many men I know. I love my husband but he doesn't always give the most moral advice and often is quit negative.
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post #51 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 05:51 PM
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

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Haha ur funny.
I'm happy to see that you have your feet firmly on the ground.

I'm sure you also understand the incompatibility of asking a man to be the Moral authority, and to kill Bugs and cook meat over fire.
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post #52 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 05:57 PM
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

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This doesn't fit many men I know. I love my husband but he doesn't always give the most moral advice and often is quit negative.
I do not know your marriage! As Mr. Nail alludes to, the correctness of the morality of advice is debatable. I could also be quite negative when I was married and my wife did not feel I appreciated she was making most of the effort in the marriage. Of course, from my point of view, it looked quite different!

I hope you have a fun evening either way!

For my part, I have an unreasonable standard for women, so I am a poor judge.
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post #53 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 06:30 PM
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

What's your expectation for women? @Mr The Other
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post #54 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 08:03 PM
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

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Well.... I have ADHD and autism. My IQ is 172 but I have to check the front door to see if

it is locked multiple times. As it is a blessing to recall almost everything, it is also, to a degree,

a curse. 1st love and I never M, nor had kids "per say." Pop warned me she was damaged.

As usual, he was right.
Was you father aware of your unusual gifts?
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post #55 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 08:26 PM
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

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Was you father aware of your unusual gifts?
Yes..... I was a lil hellion. Never anything bad.... just enough to cloak the radar for an old

school arse whipping. 95% I deserved and another 75% I talked my way out of.....

least I'd like to think I did.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #56 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 08:44 PM
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

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This thread is a complete SNAFU. As I've read it I've had several comments to make, but as soon as I think of one the topic shifts to something else. So in a foolish and vain attempt to catch up, I'm going to ask some questions that truthfully I don't expect satisfactory answers to.
- What is emotional intelligence? How is it measured? How do you test it? How and where is it taught?
- Why is it considered inadequate to make decisions based on numbers rather than on feelings?
- If men are the same as women, what is the big deal with same sex relationships? Cross dressing?
- And Why am I only attracted to one sort?
- It's Cunningham, not Cuttingham.
- How does @lifeistooshort 's model fit with Jamaica?

Good luck!
As I remember it.... there several types of intelligence. Intellectual is one and emotional is another. I have since read that there are nine more types which I can not recall at the moment.

Intellectual is obvious. Emotional is the ability to interact with people. Some people are genius at it. They can tell what you are feeling by a look on your face or a tone in your voice. It seems much harder to do on the net. Genius emotional people can manipulate others easily because of this talent. The thing I remember from the Dan Goleman book was a question: Smart people often have a boss. The Boss may not know what his employee knows but knows how to get the employee to do what he needs.

I don't know how you test it. Emotionally smart people are often the happiest people you meet. Not because they have money or power but because they have satisfaction.

I'm sure the book, Emotional Intelligence is still available but I suppose that the ideas set forward in the book have been updated.

Numbers over feelings is fine in the right circumstances. Logic is great. Humans are not necessarily logical all of the time. It is the result of evolution I believe. Everything we are is the culmination of trillions of choices. We and our feelings are a result. Intuition is an example of non logic. How does one pick a life partner? In some cultures it is the parents choice. In others we are left to discover the intuitive part of ourselves. Emotions seem to be intuitive. Compound that with rational and irrational intuition. Betting on horse because you like the jockeys shirt is irrational. Sifting through the odds and picking two horses you are left to choose between 2 equal possibilities. Use your best guess.

If men are the same as women, what is the big deal with same sex relationships? Cross dressing?


Human sexuality is the most difficult of all subjects to understand for me. I have thought a lot about it. First of all it takes place entirely in the mind. The body is the vehicle to manifest sexuality. Why the non-standard sexuality? I think it a combination of factors. I like the concept of imprinting. Like a new born duckling immediately bonds to the first thing it sees, humans also imprint. Sexuality involves arousal and at an early age arousal is associated with various triggers. When combined with a flood of hormones pumped into our systems there is a stronger than normal link made between various triggers and memory. In other words a touch resulting in sexual arousal yields a forever connection. We know that strong memories of anything are associated with a hormonal surge.

I'm still working on the above.

The only thing I remember about Jamaica is the ganja.
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post #57 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 09:37 PM
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

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I am not sure if you are a man or a women. To add to your point. I had another discussion with someone on here about emotional intelligence and how men are less emotionally intelligent. Which is not a fact, however it is the stereotype. But this idea boomerangs because it is also just assumed that women are much more emotionally intelligent. But reading on here and other posts this is in no way true. For instance so many women expect their husbands to just assume what they are feeling and then get upset when they don't.
Maybe if men were emotionally intelligent enough, they'd know what the woman is feeling
(only joking. I feel your anger
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post #58 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 09:48 PM
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

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Indeed. I'm not sure why but it's almost comforting to hear this intolerance coming from a male.

Just yesterday I was having a conversation with my partner about him possibly mentoring 2 young boys (11 and 14) whose parents were close family friends. Their father walked out about a year ago to move in with his 20-something year old gf who's now pregnant. He has not made any contact with the boys since he left. Because this has been a common occurrence among my partner and his schoolmates, he was of the view that this must be some mid-life crisis or something that happens in the man's head after being with the same woman for an extended period of time. Some need to prove their youth and somehow the kids end up getting the short end of the stick. But in my mind, this kind of behaviour must point to a fundamental flaw in these males. I refuse to accept that the average man has the ability to simply walk away from his children. Why do I see this but my male partner does not rationalize it this way? It's like he too has these ingrained biases towards failings of men.
It could be because your partner probably finds it hard to imagine doing the same despicable act and tries to find some possible rationalisation (such as midlife crisis/insanity) rather than choice. It doesn't mean he's excusing or siding with this behaviour. probably the opposite, if anything. (But then I also am finding myself siding with your partner disproportionately too much! There is probably a name for this condition...I just hope it's not male chauvinism
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post #59 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

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I go back and forth. I for sure feel like men haven't evolved much compared to women, I don't think men in general have stepped up to the plate in many areas. I have a picture in my head with men in the 1940s-50s and the men today and how different they have became in a negative way.
Have you read any women's magazines lately? There is plenty wrong with today's women... Kardasians anyone? I would say the worst of today's sexes pretty much deserve each other.

You read my post wrong if you think it is about putting down men today, it's about the stereotype of men and it's impact. There are plenty of good men out there.
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post #60 of 92 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 10:30 PM
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Re: Tired of failings being blamed on Maleness.

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Have you read any women's magazines lately? There is plenty wrong with today's women... Kardasians anyone? I would say the worst of today's sexes pretty much deserve each other.

You read my post wrong if you think it is about putting down men today, it's about the stereotype of men and it's impact. There are plenty of good men out there.


Yea the stereotype that men aren't or are a certain way because they are of male gender. Thanks I got it.

However stereotypes exist for a reason. I do not think men and women are equal with the exception of their physical strength.
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