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post #16 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 08:01 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

JLD,

This would be the perfect sequence with me. Regardless of who asked, I would pay for a first date. Would politely insist on paying for the first date.

That said - some type of reciprocity in later dates, would be very welcome. But generally, I wouldn't be looking for financial reciprocity, just some type of reciprocity.



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Just thinking some more about this, arb . . . If I enjoyed the time I spent with him, the next date would be my inviting him to my place for a home-cooked meal. Dating does not have to be expensive.
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post #17 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 08:09 PM
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Cool Re: Who should pay on dates?

Regarding the fine art of dinner dating, Ol' Arb is a "male chauvinist" from all the way back whenever Tyrannosaurus Rex's freely roamed the earth with resounding authority!

It's just ingrained in my inner being to pay for both the dinner tab and the movie tickets, more especially if I have done the "inviting!"

Now if she absolutely puts her foot down and says that this is on her, then just who in the hell am I to remotely argue with that logic?

Trust me! It's overwhelmingly appreciated and I'll make it up to her in many other appreciative ways!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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Last edited by arbitrator; 03-26-2017 at 08:14 PM. Reason: Edification
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post #18 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 08:09 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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JLD,

This would be the perfect sequence with me. Regardless of who asked, I would pay for a first date. Would politely insist on paying for the first date.

That said - some type of reciprocity in later dates, would be very welcome. But generally, I wouldn't be looking for financial reciprocity, just some type of reciprocity.
I agree, MEM. Both people want to feel respected and appreciated.

I bought a book back in the early 90s called What Smart Women Know. It's still on my bookshelf.

The authors, one male and one female, and both feminists, I believe, said that the man should at least offer to pay for the first date.

When even feminist *men* are advising that, I think it is only wise to listen.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #19 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 08:09 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

https://youtu.be/71o3hq6iSPM

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post #20 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 08:10 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Ol' Arb is a "male chauvinist" regarding dinner dating from way back when Tyranasaurus Rex's freely walked the earth with resounding authority!

It's just ingrained in my being to pay for the dinner tab and the movie tickets, more especially if I do the inviting!

Now if she absolutely puts her foot down and says that this is on her, then just who in the hell am I to remotely argue with that logic?

Trust me! It's overwhelmingly appreciated and I'll make it up to her in other appreciative ways!
I am just amazed you are still single, arb. You are such a charmer!

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #21 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 08:33 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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I watched the video. I did not agree with it. Why should she pay?

If you invite a friend, I would agree you should share the bill. But this is not called dating.

Even if she invites you, the gentlemanly way is to offer to pay. If she wants to pay because she did the inviting, I would insist at a minimum to pay for my half.

Maybe I am old fashioned. I do not want to give women too much power .

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post #22 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 08:46 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

I am all for women wanting to not feel slighted that they are equal. But I'm old school I pay in the early going and after if she insists than have her do what she wants.

I feel the world is progressing and that's a good thing. But I like the old school process early on a man treating a woman.
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post #23 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 09:09 PM
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I am just amazed you are still single, arb. You are such a charmer!
Thanks, @jld ~ but its largely my own fault! After being twice-divorced from heartless, cheating wives, "mutual trust" just doesn't come my way all that easy anymore!

I know that it's largely nothing more than "stinkin' thinkin'," but a lot of times I've told myself that even if I married someone as virtuous as say, Mother Teresa, she probably would end up cheating on me because there's probably something within my mental makeup that would make them cheat exactly like the other two!

But hope does spring eternal!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 03-26-2017 at 09:24 PM. Reason: Edification
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post #24 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 09:15 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

I figure whoever picks the venue or chooses the activity or does the inviting should be the one to pay the bill. Ideally, they would take turns, and be likely to choose dates in keeping with their financial situation. If one person is controlling and dictates everything the couple does, then that person is going to end up paying more often!
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post #25 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 09:18 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Thanks, @jld ~ but its largely my own fault! After being twice-divorced from heartless, cheating wives, "mutual trust" just doesn't come my way all that easy anymore!

I know that it's largely nothing more than "stinkin' thinkin'," but a lot of times I've told myself that even if I married someone as virtuous as say, Mother Teresa, she probably end up cheating on me because there's probably something within my makeup that would make them cheat like the other two!

But hope does spring eternal!
Oh, I don't think there is anything wrong with your makeup, arb. And I absolutely have hope that a lady as good and kind as Mother Teresa will someday be by your side.

Actually, have you looked in your church for any interesting ladies? I bet many Methodist gals would consider you a fine catch.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #26 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 09:21 PM
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I watched the video. I did not agree with it. Why should she pay?

If you invite a friend, I would agree you should share the bill. But this is not called dating.

Even if she invites you, the gentlemanly way is to offer to pay. If she wants to pay because she did the inviting, I would insist at a minimum to pay for my half.

Maybe I am old fashioned. I do not want to give women too much power .
I know that I ended up literally paying through the nose (not exactly my choice) in two different Texas District Courts whenever I divorced both my cheating XW and my RSXW! That's kind of like expensive dates!

And let's just say that both of those lying, cheating skanks came out smelling like roses!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #27 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 09:30 PM
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Originally Posted by jld View Post
Oh, I don't think there is anything wrong with your makeup, arb. And I absolutely have hope that a lady as good and kind as Mother Teresa will someday be by your side.

Actually, have you looked in your church for any interesting ladies? I bet many Methodist gals would consider you a fine catch.
Oh, hell no! One church member/choir lady who was interested in ~ sweet on me, happened to jump my a$$ one Sunday morning because I had walked over and congratulated another woman lay leader on a mission project! I had only been on one prior date with this woman! I had never been out with the lay leader!

Let's just say that I "shut her water off" in no uncertain terms! At my fragile age, I absolutely don't need crap like that!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 03-26-2017 at 09:33 PM. Reason: Edification
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post #28 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 09:32 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Oh, hell no! One lady who was interested in me happened to jump my a$$ because I congratulated another woman lay leader on a mission project! I had only been on one prior date with her!

Let's just say that I "shut her water off" in no uncertain terms! At my fragile age, I absolutely don't need crap like that!
Lol, arb. I hope something works out soon!

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #29 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 09:36 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

If she insists on paying for her (not your) meal, wouldn't you assume that the date didn't go that well? That she wasn't that into you? I wouldn't expect a second date if that happened to me (wouldn't ask for one either). Back when I was dating, I never even considered that there would be dates I didn't pay for. I guess times change.
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post #30 of 515 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 09:50 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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If she insists on paying for her (not your) meal, wouldn't you assume that the date didn't go that well? That she wasn't that into you? I wouldn't expect a second date if that happened to me (wouldn't ask for one either). Back when I was dating, I never even considered that there would be dates I didn't pay for. I guess times change.
I think it could mean she does not yet trust you. So she does not want to feel obligated to you in any way.

If you are patient, and work on earning her trust, that apprehension could evaporate.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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