Who should pay on dates? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 09:58 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
I friend of mine, 35 y.o. is single and hasn't been in a realtionship for 3 years now. During one of our discussions, she said "I don't need just a guy in my life... I need a man. But where are men today? To even think that they can't even pay you a dinner? A real man wouldn't allow me to pay for the dinner, even if I insisted on doing so...".

This got me thinking if men here agree with this saying or not.

Do you think you should pay most of the time or you dislike it when you're the one paying most of/all the time?
Would you prefer she paid most of the time?
or you think both partners should take turns?
Is there any difference if you're at the early stages of dating/relationship ?

I will say my opinion later.
I don't think there are hard and fast rules about this.

I am old school enough to appreciate what your friend is talking about and am definitely "that" man who will fund whatever date I ask a lady out for.

That being said, I think if a woman wants to ask a man to do something with her where she is choosing the events for the date, she should probably be ready to fund it.

Maybe whoever is asking and planning the date should pay until you are into a relationship far enough to plan it together.

I will say that a man who can't pay for dinner from his mid twenties on is probably not a good choice of mate unless there are special circumstances.
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post #32 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 10:03 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

P.S. I did ask Mrs. Conan out for our first date and of course I paid.

She was very appreciative and still is over 25 years later.😉
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post #33 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 11:24 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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I think it could mean she does not yet trust you. So she does not want to feel obligated to you in any way.

If you are patient, and work on earning her trust, that apprehension could evaporate.
When I asked my first date to the movies a long time ago my Dad asked me had I enough money to pay for both of us.I said I had and then he told me to always pay if I was taking someone out because girls have to buy stuff that boys don't and if I got a reputation for being mean I would never get any dates.I think that is still good advice.
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post #34 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 11:41 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Oh, hell no! One church member/choir lady who was interested in ~ sweet on me, happened to jump my a$$ one Sunday morning because I had walked over and congratulated another woman lay leader on a mission project! I had only been on one prior date with this woman! I had never been out with the lay leader!

Let's just say that I "shut her water off" in no uncertain terms! At my fragile age, I absolutely don't need crap like that!
i don't think people understand how hard it is being a chic magnet.
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post #35 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 03:46 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
When I asked my first date to the movies a long time ago my Dad asked me had I enough money to pay for both of us.I said I had and then he told me to always pay if I was taking someone out because girls have to buy stuff that boys don't and if I got a reputation for being mean I would never get any dates.I think that is still good advice.
Very good point from your dad, Andy. I am impressed by his sensitivity.

That is the kind of man who can be trusted.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #36 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 04:50 AM
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Cool Re: Who should pay on dates?

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i don't think people understand how hard it is being a chic magnet.
I only wish, Mark, my man!

In the infamous words of the late, great Rodney Dangerfield, "I always seem to be able to attract the women who can do me the least possible bit of good!"

That's why I'm just literally scared "crapless" of ever hooking up again, no matter how vivaciously-beautiful, humble and heartly, and intelligent that they might present themselves to be! They all seem to have an agenda, with a clip-on "ball and chain" that they can affix to your sorry a$$ in one stroke, and a cheat-o-meter in their other hand that they can use for their very own edification!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #37 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 05:33 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

On a first date I would offer to pay for half of the dinner, but would be turned off if he accepted on the first date. If the relationship continued than I would be more than happy to pay for half off our dates and depending on whether he made more money than me I would not take no for an answer half the time or be the one to set up the date and pay for it before hand.

I know some men might feel bad letting a woman pay at anytime but I would feel like I was taking advantage of him if he always paid, especially since I make a decent wage.
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post #38 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 08:18 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

I dated a girl once for about 2 weeks. We went out a handful of times and she never once offered to pay. This is a sensitive area for me - I'm overly concerned about being taken advantage of- and so I said "when do you think it's appropriate for the woman to offer to pay?". She said "I'm an old fashioned girl, I expect the man to always pay".

She was a cutie and we had chemistry but after she said that I knew I'd never ask her out again.

Lots of posts about who pays on the first date.

There should never be dinner on the first date unless you've already met in real life and you know there's good potential.

First "meetups" especially with the ever so common internet "blind" date should be scheduled as something fast and cheap, a coffee or maybe a drink in a local pub, because the odds are there won't be a second date, why spend time and money on a person with whom there is a small possibility that things will click and you'll see them again?
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post #39 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 08:22 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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@jld, I'm curious... what is it about a man not paying that brings about mistrust? Can you be more specific?
Because IHO women are weak and need to be taken care of by men. Nothing wrong with that. It was the prevailing thought for basically the last 3000 years.
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post #40 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 08:24 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

I always did cheap inexpensive non dinner dates after a few times being take advantage of. I never liked the concept of let's split things down the middle. Would rather work it out like I'll pay for dinner and you get the movie afterward or whatever. A woman who worked but expected to have all dating paid for would be a complete turn off for me.
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post #41 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 08:38 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Because IHO women are weak and need to be taken care of by men. Nothing wrong with that. It was the prevailing thought for basically the last 3000 years.
No reason to speak (falsehoods) for me, blue. I already replied to Satya.

I am not the only person who thinks a man should at least offer to pay. The seemingly feminist male author of the book I mentioned said the same thing.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #42 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 08:53 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

"There are two things a woman should never touch on a date: The door, and the cheque."

https://jamesmsama.com/2016/04/23/he...pay-for-dates/

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #43 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 08:55 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

I'm in the dating world now and have always been relatively traditional in my thinking. I like to be in charge of the dating process so I am the one to ask the woman out and I am the one to pay. If she occasionally offers to take me out, I'd graciously accept it, but I consider that the exception and not the rule. I've found that most women are quite receptive to this style, and even those that consider themselves to be feminists like a man to take the lead, plan the date, and cover the expense. A big part of dating is building attraction, so following a traditional male role makes it easy to do since each side knows what to expect.
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post #44 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 09:01 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

But everyone is Equal..

: popcorn:
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post #45 of 628 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 09:50 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

If I asked a woman out for dinner or whatever for a date I would be expecting that I would pay. She is gracing me with her company so IMHO its the least I can do.

I think going Dutch is something for more established relationships like when you're living together.

jld in the quote above sums it up best.

Quite happy to be called old fashioned....
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