Who should pay on dates? - Page 40 - Talk About Marriage
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post #586 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:28 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by heartsbeating View Post
My husband winces when the man doesn't take care of the bill. Asked why he feels the man should pay and he just feels it's the way it ought to be... regardless of whether it was a good/enjoyable/compatible date or not... and done so with grace.



Good man you have there, hearts.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #587 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:39 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by musicftw07 View Post
You asked, "Why would they adjust for you?"

My response is a question: "What entitles them to my money?"

If all men stopped paying their way during dates, then they'd have two choices: 1) not date, or 2) pay their own way.

I care not which choice they make.

And yes, I have stayed home instead of dating many times. My savings skyrocketed as a result of that decision. To the point where this past year I've paid off all my debts and put in thousands of dollars into my house in the form of a bit of remodeling and repairs. I paid cash for it all. Just this last weekend I bought a brand new car and put down a substantial down payment from my savings.

Oh, and when I shattered my femur in a four-wheeling accident in 2015, I was off from work for over a month. And yet, thanks to my savings, I was able to pay my mortgage and utilities on time until my short term disability claim arrived.

There is literally nothing you could say that would ever convince me that spending that money on dates with random women is better spent.

(I have no problems spending that money on my girlfriend, mind you. But we go dutch more often now, and it works great for us.)
No man has ever said on his deathbed that he wishes he had worked harder and went out at night less.

Last edited by Andy1001; 05-19-2017 at 05:56 PM.
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post #588 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:40 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by musicftw07 View Post
On the contrary. I'm in a monogamous, committed relationship with a gorgeous woman who is highly sexual.

I just don't place sex above money. Nor do I dole out my hard-earned money on those who are undeserving.

Shaming tactics don't work on me, btw.

And yes, my girlfriend is happy with coffee and a donut. I've also paid for an entire weekend vacation together, but that was after she proved to me that she was worth it.

Fun fact: our very first date was coffee. She offered to buy my coffee, and I allowed it.

ETA: I find any person who forgoes saving money in lieu of using that money for dating expenses to be financially irresponsible.
You paid for an ENTIRE weekend vacation when she proved she was worth it.
Wow!
The last of the big spenders.
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post #589 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:42 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by musicftw07 View Post
On the contrary. I'm in a monogamous, committed relationship with a gorgeous woman who is highly sexual.

I just don't place sex above money. Nor do I dole out my hard-earned money on those who are undeserving.

Shaming tactics don't work on me, btw.

And yes, my girlfriend is happy with coffee and a donut. I've also paid for an entire weekend vacation together, but that was after she proved to me that she was worth it.

I think this is the crux of the difference in dating philosophy. The people that feel differently than you look at dating as entertainment and they are paying to go out and have fun.

If I take a woman on a trip it is because I know I'll have more fun with her than without her. She doesn't need to prove anything to me or earn her right to go with me. Her role is to be a good companion and help ensure that we both have a great time. It's the same with taking her on a local date.


Fun fact: our very first date was coffee. She offered to buy my coffee, and I allowed it.

ETA: I find any person who forgoes saving money in lieu of using that money for dating expenses to be financially irresponsible.

I don't think anyone is advocating making poor financial decisions. If you are dating instead of properly handling your finances, then yes you are correct. But dating and saving money are not mutually exclusive. I have no problem doing both.
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post #590 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:48 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

Have you noticed that most of the guys on this thread who advocate not paying for dates are all living with absolutely gorgeous women who are sexually attracted to them exclusively and insist on paying whenever they go out.
Yeah...........
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post #591 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 09:00 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by CuddleBug View Post
It depends on what type of woman you want.


A demanding wanting to be pampered princess OR a real woman who in an equal.


Being pampered and even spoiled isn't a good thing.
Some people -- men included-- will interpret this type of behavior as "a woman who knows what he wants and is not afraid to go after it." Like it's a good thing.
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post #592 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 09:20 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
Have you noticed that most of the guys on this thread who advocate not paying for dates are all liv ing with absolutely gorgeous women who are sexually attracted to them exclusively and insist on paying whenever they go out.
Yeah...........
I'm not living with my girlfriend. Maybe in a couple more years we'll take that step, but neither of us are ready for that yet. We both have kids, we've both had terrible relationships in the past, and we're doing what we feel right is for us by waiting.

I don't give a **** whether you believe me or not.

I've had this very discussion with my girlfriend in the past. And she is quite sympathetic to the mixed messages men get. She has absolutely no problem going dutch​, because she's independent and makes just as much money as I do. It doesn't matter whether you believe it or not. What does matter is that she and I are compatible in that regard.

It also goes to show that men can still be successful in dating and relationships without following the traditional paradigm.

It's your money. Spend it however you want. Likewise, I spend my money however I want. Sometimes I choose to spend it in her, and sometimes I don't.

But sex isn't contingent on the amount of money I spend on her. What she craves more is my love, care, and devotion.

You know, the things that actually make a successful relationship.
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post #593 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 05:00 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
Have you noticed that most of the guys on this thread who advocate not paying for dates are all living with absolutely gorgeous women who are sexually attracted to them exclusively and insist on paying whenever they go out.
Yeah...........
So are you saying I'm lying then because you can't comprehend some people may have different philosophy's toward dating, love, marriage?
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post #594 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 05:08 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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No man has ever said on his deathbed that he wishes he had worked harder and went out at night less.
How old are you?
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post #595 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-22-2017, 07:43 AM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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So are you saying I'm lying then because you can't comprehend some people may have different philosophy's toward dating, love, marriage?
The idea that there are men who can enjoy the company of women without the burden of paying for it is very threatening to a lot of people's world view.

I'm not surprised to see quite a few of these kinds of responses in a thread like this.
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post #596 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-22-2017, 12:09 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

I'm so glad there are still men out there who understand how to treat a woman and do it!

It's isn't about being entitled or having unreasonable expectations. Personally I believe it's rooted in the instinct that men are the protectors/providers and women like to feel protected/provided for.

That doesn't mean I would be unwilling to pay for some dates or split the bill, especially early on. It just means that it really feels good and is much appreciated when the man picks up the tab.

Honestly, I earn more than most of my friends and a lot of them have kids (I don't) so less free time and disposable income. I often end up picking u the tab for lunch/coffee/whatever just so my friends can enjoy some of their limited free time.

I feels great when a man does the same for me.

So glad I'm seeing someone right now who absolutely refuses to let me spend a dime when we're together. I am sense it comes back to him in other ways. I appreciate his effort so I tend to spend more time getting dressed up for him, buying nice underwear and all that kind of stuff.

And when I say he pays for dates so far that's been everything from a good restaurant and a nice hotel room to take out pizza. It's not about spending a lot, it's just the gesture that counts.
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post #597 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-22-2017, 12:16 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

Curious on this. If a woman is the one who asks the guy out on the date, should he still be expected to pay?
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post #598 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-22-2017, 12:26 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
Curious on this. If a woman is the one who asks the guy out on the date, should he still be expected to pay?
I think she should offer, especially early on. Perhaps even insist if it was first or second date and you know you don't want to see the guy again. But, it sure is nice when the man wants to take care of it.
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post #599 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-22-2017, 12:31 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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It's isn't about being entitled or having unreasonable expectations. Personally I believe it's rooted in the instinct that men are the protectors/providers and women like to feel protected/provided for.
If a woman expects, on any level, to have her meals/activities paid for on dates, it is an entitlement. That's the very definition of entitlement; by sheer virtue of being a female, the pleasure of your company comes at a monetary cost.

It has nothing to do with the male instinct; a man's instinct has nothing to do with a woman's entitlement. A man could want to pay for every single cent of dating cost, and it still has nothing to do with whether a woman feels entitled to be paid for or not.

I dated, and then married, a woman who is not entitled. Did she enjoy having meals paid for, and feeling "provided" for? Absolutely. Did she have a problem going dutch, or paying the whole bill? Absolutely not. To this day she feels loved if I buy her anything, thanks me when I pay for our dates, but has ZERO issue with doing the same. Her motto is as long as the bill is paid, it doesn't matter where the money comes from; the most important part of the date is the time together, not the bill.

That's a woman who isn't entitled. Anything less is the very definition of it. At least if you're entitled, own it.
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post #600 of 627 (permalink) Old 05-22-2017, 01:20 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
Curious on this. If a woman is the one who asks the guy out on the date, should he still be expected to pay?
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Originally Posted by jaquen View Post
If a woman expects, on any level, to have her meals/activities paid for on dates, it is an entitlement. That's the very definition of entitlement; by sheer virtue of being a female, the pleasure of your company comes at a monetary cost.

It has nothing to do with the male instinct; a man's instinct has nothing to do with a woman's entitlement. A man could want to pay for every single cent of dating cost, and it still has nothing to do with whether a woman feels entitled to be paid for or not.

I dated, and then married, a woman who is not entitled. Did she enjoy having meals paid for, and feeling "provided" for? Absolutely. Did she have a problem going dutch, or paying the whole bill? Absolutely not. To this day she feels loved if I buy her anything, thanks me when I pay for our dates, but has ZERO issue with doing the same. Her motto is as long as the bill is paid, it doesn't matter where the money comes from; the most important part of the date is the time together, not the bill.

That's a woman who isn't entitled. Anything less is the very definition of it. At least if you're entitled, own it.
I'm not sure you understood what I wrote.

I said personally, I'd be willing to pay but appreciate it when I don't have to.

That isn't entitlement.
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