Who should pay on dates? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 06:03 PM Thread Starter
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Who should pay on dates?

I friend of mine, 35 y.o. is single and hasn't been in a realtionship for 3 years now. During one of our discussions, she said "I don't need just a guy in my life... I need a man. But where are men today? To even think that they can't even pay you a dinner? A real man wouldn't allow me to pay for the dinner, even if I insisted on doing so...".

This got me thinking if men here agree with this saying or not.

Do you think you should pay most of the time or you dislike it when you're the one paying most of/all the time?
Would you prefer she paid most of the time?
or you think both partners should take turns?
Is there any difference if you're at the early stages of dating/relationship ?

I will say my opinion later.

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post #2 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 06:09 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

A real man wouldn't date a woman who assumed he'd pay for dinner.
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post #3 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 06:15 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
I friend of mine, 35 y.o. is single and hasn't been in a realtionship for 3 years now. During one of our discussions, she said "I don't need just a guy in my life... I need a man. But where are men today? To even think that they can't even pay you a dinner? A real man wouldn't allow me to pay for the dinner, even if I insisted on doing so...".

This got me thinking if men here agree with this saying or not.

Do you think you should pay most of the time or you dislike it when you're the one paying most of/all the time?
Would you prefer she paid most of the time?
or you think both partners should take turns?
Is there any difference if you're at the early stages of dating/relationship ?

I will say my opinion later.
I think that if a guy asks a woman out then he should pay, at least on the first date.If it becomes a regular thing then maybe take turns but of course that depends on the financial situation of both parties.I would be kind of old fashioned in that I found it very embarrassing if my date tried to pay for dinner,when I was dating that is.
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post #4 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 06:21 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

After only 30 years of marriage I will let her pay sometimes.
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post #5 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 06:22 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

I would pay (and there are many asides as to why) BUT I can understand why some men don't want to. They say the equality movement should make all those old ideas of chivalry go out the window (which are kinda sexist, if you really think about it). Because feminist have all these ways to undercut men's role in relationships. It's like they want to give a man the responsibilities of manhood but not the privileges.

They may say, "Oh, a man should pay, Be a man."
Man, "Who is the head of the relationship?"
Her, "There is no head, you chauvinist. We are both our own heads."
Man, "Well, as equals, we will split the bill 50/50."
*drops his half and walks off*

Since back then men were the only ones working and making money it made sense for them to be the ones paying. Now with women finding success just as often -- if not more often -- as men, they should have no problem chipping in on the cheque. And not have this entitled attitude to a man's money.

Couple that with the fact that many date for fun, to get a good time and a free meal and it makes you wary of being used.

What @Andy1001 says makes sense too. If you asked her out then it would makes sense that you would pay.

Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.
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post #6 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 06:33 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

My personal rule always was... the person who asks for the date, pays for dinner/drinks.
I payed plenty of times for a man's meal and drinks. Sometimes, he'd try to insist on paying, and if he really wanted to, I wouldn't argue with him.

Many times I offered to pay for half, if he asked me out, but I thought the meal/drinks were on the expensive side.

I have known many women who felt that the man should always pay, I just can't fathom that concept myself.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #7 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 06:43 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

I would not trust a man who did not expect to pay.

I hope my daughter would not, either.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #8 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 06:49 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

@jld, I'm curious... what is it about a man not paying that brings about mistrust? Can you be more specific?

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #9 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 06:50 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

I think this is a situation that people,well, men in particular tend to overthink.Instead of enjoying the company of their date for the evening they are thinking about who's going to pay.I always,from my first date ever(Hello Molly) assumed I would be paying and if my date insisted on paying I would let her unless it was expensive and I would at least pay half.
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post #10 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 06:56 PM
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Cool Re: Who should pay on dates?

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I would not trust a man who did not expect to pay.

I hope my daughter would not, either.
But do you ever feel obliged to ever pay for a dinner date, even if you are the one who does the asking; or, as a female, do you feel that you are you always entitled to free meals and drinks as dictated by some rather old-timey societal norms?

The prior would definitely sound as the most equitable to me!

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post #11 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:03 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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@jld, I'm curious... what is it about a man not paying that brings about mistrust? Can you be more specific?
I think a man's paying shows maturity and respect for his date. He is taking responsibility for her comfort, perhaps in a small way, but significant to me. It is the sign of a gentleman.

I understand some may find this sexist. I think it reveals a lot about his character.

Honestly, I would see anything else, regardless of who did the asking, as a red flag.

And I certainly hope my sons will know this instinctively.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #12 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:11 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
But do you ever feel obliged to ever pay for a dinner date, even if you are the one who does the asking; or, as a female, do you feel that you are you always entitled to free meals and drinks as dictated by some rather old-timey societal norms?

The prior would definitely sound as the most equitable to me!
Three decades ago I asked a young man out. I am embarrassed to admit that, btw. Blushing as I write this. Ashamed of myself. How forward.

He would not let me pay.

I am 24 years past dating days. But if Dug died and I were single again . . . Yes, I would expect a man interested in me to do the inviting and pay for the evening. And I would not accept an invitation if I did not have sincere feelings for him in return. That is simple respect.

Just old-fashioned here, I guess.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #13 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:18 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
But do you ever feel obliged to ever pay for a dinner date, even if you are the one who does the asking; or, as a female, do you feel that you are you always entitled to free meals and drinks as dictated by some rather old-timey societal norms?

The prior would definitely sound as the most equitable to me!
Just thinking some more about this, arb . . . If I enjoyed the time I spent with him, the next date would be my inviting him to my place for a home-cooked meal. Dating does not have to be expensive.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #14 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:26 PM
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Cool Re: Who should pay on dates?

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Originally Posted by jld View Post
Just thinking some more about this, arb . . . If I enjoyed the time I spent with him, the next date would be my inviting him to my place for a home-cooked meal. Dating does not have to be expensive.
And I love to whip up those homecooked meals as well! And if she cooks, the absolute least that I can do is to wash the dishes and clean up!

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post #15 of 498 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:56 PM
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Re: Who should pay on dates?

Never took anyone on a date where they had to pay or go Dutch. IMO anything less is bull****.
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