Facial hair - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 12:25 PM Thread Starter
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Facial hair

I need fellow guys' opinions on facial hair. If you have facial hair do you feel like having facial hair defines how you feel about yourself or how people feel about you? If you don't have facial hair is because you is it because you feel the opposite way or is it because others have said they don't like it?

Growing up I had no father figure in my life. I did time in the military before I was able to grow any significant facial hair so I was told to shave as close as a baby's ass. Sometime during my service, the genes that have endowed me with thick, needle-like hair when cut regularly kicked in - and then some. When I met my wife I was still young and didn't have half the hair - or chins - that I have now. There would be days when I wouldn't shave regularly but for the most part I'd shave 2-3x a week. I would go through a razor a week and it got to the point where the only way I could avoid razor burn was to shave in the shower.

As I have aged I began to gain weight. I didn't like the way my face was filling out and losing weight has become harder so I began to experiment with different arrangements. Maybe it was the midlife crisis but when I looked in the mirror I didn't like the flabby cheeks and double chin and felt it was time to "look my age."

I had a goatee for awhile but the wife wasn't too into it. I didn't like it either because I'd get ingrown hairs on either side of my mouth and depending on the area the hairs were different colors; the mustache being blonde with the sides coming in nearly black. For a few months every so often I would let it grow out to a full beard but I I felt that that wasn't me either; too shaggy and itchy. Through it all, my mustache would come in very light in color and but is still so thick that it will NOT lie down.

Lately I've opted for more of a neatly trimmed beard and mustache, both clippered down with a #1 comb to keep the barbs under control. I'm not a billy goat after all! It seems to be more comfortable for me but I'm getting mixed messages from my wife AND my mother. My wife tells me she hates shaggy beards (hence why I clip it short) but has winced when I try to kiss her. She also notes that my beard is graying - though the hair on my head is still thick and mostly free of gray so far. She hasn't mentioned hygiene with me but I know that I need to keep it clean and free of food debris. My mother gets theatric and says "who is this person I'm seeing?!?"

While I like having a beard now I'm getting the feeling that they want me to shave. I don't, but at the same time one of my wife's few ways of showing physical affection is kissing. Clearly if I want to continue kissing her I need to do SOMETHING. As for my mother, I tell her to accept it. I don't have to kiss her and her appearance certainly has changed so she has no room to criticize!

The question I have for my fellow men and women who like facial hair is "what am I to do?" I don't get my hair cut at a barber shop anymore but I have opted to go to a place that caters to men. Even still, they sell "product" which has helped keep the hair on my head in control so I've inquired about product for facial hair. I've invested in oils but have yet to develop the habit of using the stuff because the smell and sticky feeling is unsettling. Do I need to accept that?

I have another question for the wives/girlfriends whose male SO's have changed their appearance like I have. Did it upset you when they did? Did you feel like you should have been consulted? Did it change the way you saw and treated your SO? These seem to be my experience and I'm wondering if that's fair to me as an individual?
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post #2 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 12:39 PM
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Re: Facial hair

I've had a beard off and on for years ever since leaving the Army. At first it was a full beard and handlebar moustache. Now, a trimmed goatee. Like you, when I shave--even with a brush and blade--I'm prickly about two hours later. So the beard doesn't leave a beard burn on cheeks or thighs.

I've dealt with the color--mostly gray/white coming in now, by getting some natural beard dye. Can't stand the chemical stuff just for men. I decided I could either look like a fit Santa Claus, or an MMA wrestler and I've opted for the wrestler. PM me if you want to know the name of the dye. Only place I've found to get it is Amazon.
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post #3 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 12:41 PM
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Re: Facial hair

Didn't mind when he changed his appearance as long as it was neat. He is an individual and should be able to decide what he likes. Bit he did ask my opinion which I felt was thoughtful of him.

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post #4 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 12:42 PM
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Re: Facial hair

My wife doesn't care for facial hair either. I don't have a strong opinion either way, so I continue to have my face remain completely shaved. Assuming that you want to continue kissing your wife, have you looked into an electric shaver as opposed to using a razor? I've never had a problem with razor burn (my hair is thick too), with the exception of a couple times here and there on the back of my neck. I like it enough that I don't want to go back to using a razor...
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post #5 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 12:47 PM
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Re: Facial hair

Do you condition and oil your beard? Makes a big difference in softness and manageability. Plus it makes it smell nicer.

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post #6 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 09:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Facial hair

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Originally Posted by 23cm View Post
I've had a beard off and on for years ever since leaving the Army. At first it was a full beard and handlebar moustache. Now, a trimmed goatee. Like you, when I shave--even with a brush and blade--I'm prickly about two hours later. So the beard doesn't leave a beard burn on cheeks or thighs.

I've dealt with the color--mostly gray/white coming in now, by getting some natural beard dye. Can't stand the chemical stuff just for men. I decided I could either look like a fit Santa Claus, or an MMA wrestler and I've opted for the wrestler. PM me if you want to know the name of the dye. Only place I've found to get it is Amazon.
I actually don't mind the gray or having wrinkles. It makes me feel distinguished, even if my hair is still mostly brown - and getting darker with some white at the sideburns. It just looks odd because it's not all one color. Like I said, blonde mustache with salt and pepper on either side of my chin and gray at the sideburns. I guess this is midlife!

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Originally Posted by Karate4lyf View Post
Didn't mind when he changed his appearance as long as it was neat. He is an individual and should be able to decide what he likes. Bit he did ask my opinion which I felt was thoughtful of him.

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Can't say as I have been that thoughtful, but I felt that asking her opinion puts me in a submissive position. She's very strong willed.

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Originally Posted by Edo Edo View Post
My wife doesn't care for facial hair either. I don't have a strong opinion either way, so I continue to have my face remain completely shaved. Assuming that you want to continue kissing your wife, have you looked into an electric shaver as opposed to using a razor? I've never had a problem with razor burn (my hair is thick too), with the exception of a couple times here and there on the back of my neck. I like it enough that I don't want to go back to using a razor...
I have an electric razor with a trimmer on the opposite end. I love it, but it doesn't shave as close as an actual razor and it still chafes my skin if I try to shave closely with it.

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Originally Posted by Fozzy View Post
Do you condition and oil your beard? Makes a big difference in softness and manageability. Plus it makes it smell nicer.
That's what I was alluding to. I have tried it but the smell is quite strong - especially since it's right under my nose, and my wife is even more sensitive to smells than I am. I guess it's something I should get used to, use in moderation and wait a little while for it to soften my hair and for the smell to gas off a bit. .
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post #7 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 05:05 AM
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Re: Facial hair

It totally depends on how you like it with or without beard. Beard gives stylish and attractive look. It looks good if a proper beard syle is chosen by keeping face shape in mind and totally depends on how you maintain your beard. I have seen lot of folks who loves to keep their beard neat and clean by using beard products like beard wash, beard cleansing gel and beard cleansing wipes and many other beard products like this that are readily available in market.
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post #8 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 07:15 AM
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Re: Facial hair

groom your beard how you like its your face.

with in reason of course. If you never had a beard and then grow the huge grizzly Adams beard I could see how a wife might be disappointed.

and fro the women who say I just wouldn't kiss you anymore or quit having sex I wonder how much influence there husbands have on their appearance?

Now approached the right way . Hey hun I reaaly dig your beard but it scratches soooo much it makes kissing you painful.

instead of OH MY GOD your not growing a beard are you. it makes you look ...........and I just read on the internet that men with beards have poop on their face! yuck. if you expect sex ever again you better shave.
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post #9 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 09:22 AM
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Re: Facial hair

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Originally Posted by chillymorn69 View Post
.

instead of OH MY GOD your not growing a beard are you. it makes you look ...........and I just read on the internet that men with beards have poop on their face! yuck. if you expect sex ever again you better shave.
Yup...if you read it on the internet, it must be true.
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post #10 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 10:24 AM
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Re: Facial hair

Facial hair is in now. I have lived long enough to see beards be in and then out and in again. It is a male's statement that this is what I can do that women cannot. In this new age with women making more than their husbands in some cases and not being the old fashioned wife like their mom was, men are trying to reclaim their manhood with beards. Women can get pregnant but we men can grow beards. Women create babies and we created hair. I do not get it but it does make some guys who are not good looking, look better by hiding most of their face or redefining their jaw line.

I have grown a beard just for the experience as I do with most things. I still have my beard oil which makes a great pre-shaving oil when shaving with an electric razor. My decision to be clean shaven was easy. My wife said that my beard left her face red and raw after prolonged kissing. Also said it made her inner thighs raw during oral sex so I have to make a choice. Guess which choice won.

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post #11 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 03:30 PM
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Re: Facial hair

Haha. I bet your wife's comfort won or you would go without. So in reality you are saying the woman still calls the shots. Lol it is a cute story. But men do not need a beard to claim their manhood.

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post #12 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 03:38 PM
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Re: Facial hair

Order a bottle of quality jojoba oil from Amazon. You can add other essential oils for smell later this is just the base / carrier oil for your beard oil. Put this in your beard everynight. It will soften it up and moisturize the skin underneath. Will help with it being prickly, rough in texture, and even give it a nice shiny healthy look. This will take some time and won't happen overnight but it works. Don't bother buying expensive beard oils you can just use jojoba and add an essential oil or two for smell. Google it.

What kind of razors do you use when you shave? What kind of shaving cream?


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post #13 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 03:43 PM
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Re: Facial hair

I change my facial hair depending on the time of the year. I have a full beard in the winter and none during the summer. I've had women comment on it, but I don't need their approval so I ignore their comments/suggestions.

To avoid razor burn you need to go with higher end products. Use an old fashioned double end razor (parker or merker are good) with good quality blades. In the 100 packs those blades cost about $0.10/each so you are always using a sharp blade and don't need to put much pressure on the razor, which prevents razor burn. Also get a good quality soap/cream (not the crap in the can) that you apply with a brush.

As far as the barber, those "man" places are a joke. They are typically just big boobed women giving mediocre haircuts while you watch the sports channel. Find an old fashioned male barber and he'll give you good advice about grooming and what products to buy. My barber joked with me that you can tell the quality of barber based on how they work. A good male barber will spend most time along the side and back of your head (i.e. where the bulk of your hair is) and the poor quality female barbers that want to distract you with their cleavage will cut from the front so you get the best view.
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post #14 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 09:02 PM
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Re: Facial hair

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Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
I change my facial hair depending on the time of the year. I have a full beard in the winter and none during the summer. I've had women comment on it, but I don't need their approval so I ignore their comments/suggestions.



To avoid razor burn you need to go with higher end products. Use an old fashioned double end razor (parker or merker are good) with good quality blades. In the 100 packs those blades cost about $0.10/each so you are always using a sharp blade and don't need to put much pressure on the razor, which prevents razor burn. Also get a good quality soap/cream (not the crap in the can) that you apply with a brush.



As far as the barber, those "man" places are a joke. They are typically just big boobed women giving mediocre haircuts while you watch the sports channel. Find an old fashioned male barber and he'll give you good advice about grooming and what products to buy. My barber joked with me that you can tell the quality of barber based on how they work. A good male barber will spend most time along the side and back of your head (i.e. where the bulk of your hair is) and the poor quality female barbers that want to distract you with their cleavage will cut from the front so you get the best view.


This is exactly what i was going to suggest based on what razor he uses. I use a merkur and I use spades that cost .09 each. I swap the blade once a week but I only shave 2-3 times a week. My hair grows very slow.

+1 on the soaps canned cream. I use prorasso shaving cream I buy on Amazon or facial soap depending on what I feel like.


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post #15 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 09:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Facial hair

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Originally Posted by Karate4lyf View Post
Haha. I bet your wife's comfort won or you would go without. So in reality you are saying the woman still calls the shots. Lol it is a cute story. But men do not need a beard to claim their manhood.

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I consider it, but she doesn't get the final say. I try not to impose on her grooming, nor do I have any serious complaints.
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