FWB-how do you handle it? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:28 PM
jld
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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The idea that men are expecting to marry virgins went away about the same time as the pony express.But there is still a double standard,it's just more subtle.Most men accept that women they meet have had a previous sex life but the men don't really want to think about it.Its why when a couple are discussing the previous partners count,men exaggerate and women minimise.It's still a double standard and inherently unfair to the woman in the relationship because the imaginary women the male says he has slept with aren't going to appear to contradict him but the woman may be "found out" if she inadvertently lets something slip or if she falls out with a friend and the friend reveals the truth to cause trouble.
The bolded is unfortunate. I have a lot of respect for men with a low partner count.

I think each sex should be honest with the other about that, right from the beginning.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #17 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:29 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Huh?

How young are you?
Which century do you live in?
Do you live in a backwater little country town?

why don't you tell us about YOU!
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post #18 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

@Andy1001

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The idea that men are expecting to marry virgins went away about the same time as the pony express.But there is still a double standard,it's just more subtle.Most men accept that women they meet have had a previous sex life but the men don't really want to think about it.Its why when a couple are discussing the previous partners count,men exaggerate and women minimise.It's still a double standard and inherently unfair to the woman in the relationship because the imaginary women the male says he has slept with aren't going to appear to contradict him but the woman may be "found out" if she inadvertently lets something slip or if she falls out with a friend and the friend reveals the truth to cause trouble.
Exactly! This is what I was talking about in my previous posts. As unfair as it is, some men will still take into account the number of ex-partners that his SO had in the past, before deciding to marry her...especially when it comes to a possible FWB-relation that she used to experience.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #19 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:35 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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The bolded is unfortunate. I have a lot of respect for men with a low partner count.

I think each sex should be honest with the other about that, right from the beginning.
But both the statements are lies,it's just that his is never going to come back and bite him in the ass whereas hers might.
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post #20 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

@ConanHub
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I don't really get FWB.

I was very promiscuous in my youth but was damaged emotionally.

I never slept with a friend. Not once.

Too much of a connection can, and in my opinion, should form.

Mrs. Conan was the first and last woman that I slept with for love.
When you refer to the definition of FRIENDS with benefits, do you mean she literally had to be your friend if you decided to 'eff' her?
I consider FWB even someone who's not a friend in its real meaning...bur rather an acquaintance that I sleep with on regular basis.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #21 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:38 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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But both the statements are lies,it's just that his is never going to come back and bite him in the ass whereas hers might.
It could if she finds out he lied. She may not trust him then.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #22 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:50 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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It could if she finds out he lied. She may not trust him then.
How can she ever find out he lied by exaggerating the amount of girls he has slept with.If I had fifty one night stands but said I had eighty who is ever going to disprove it.If the girl says she had twelve previous partners over a few years but then someone reveals that on a two week vacation she hooked up with a different guy every night then she is caught badly and her bf will never trust her again.I'm not saying this is right or in any way fair but it's how it is.
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post #23 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:56 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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@ConanHub


When you refer to the definition of FRIENDS with benefits, do you mean she literally had to be your friend if you decided to 'eff' her?
I consider FWB even someone who's not a friend in its real meaning...bur rather an acquaintance that I sleep with on regular basis.
I never had sex with anyone on a regular basis. Just short affairs. Sometimes one night, sometimes a week or two but nothing but partying and sex went on.

I never hung out with them afterwards and wasn't friends with them ever.

I had a lot of friends who were female that never got me into bed.

I would not have sex with someone I cared about or who cared about me.

Like I said. I was damaged.
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post #24 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:57 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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How can she ever find out he lied by exaggerating the amount of girls he has slept with.If I had fifty one night stands but said I had eighty who is ever going to disprove it.If the girl says she had twelve previous partners over a few years but then someone reveals that on a two week vacation she hooked up with a different guy every night then she is caught badly and her bf will never trust her again.I'm not saying this is right or in any way fair but it's how it is.
She may find out. And if she does, and she values honesty, she may really be disillusioned.

And she may wonder why he lied about something that, in her opinion, he should be proud of.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #25 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:01 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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I never had sex with anyone on a regular basis. Just short affairs. Sometimes one night, sometimes a week or two but nothing but partying and sex went on.

I never hung out with them afterwards and wasn't friends with them ever.

I had a lot of friends who were female that never got me into bed.

I would not have sex with someone I cared about or who cared about me.

Like I said. I was damaged.
I am really glad you had this standard. Saved a lot of girls a lot of heartbreak, whether they realized it at the time or not.

I think some people can have uncommitted sex and some cannot. I know I cannot.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #26 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:09 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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She may find out. And if she does, and she values honesty, she may really be disillusioned.

And she may wonder why he lied about something that, in her opinion, he should be proud of.
I still don't get how she could ever find out but we don't have to agree on the subject.I do find the second statement a bit odd though,why would him sleeping with fifty women rather than eighty be such a good thing.In my opinion once you get above twenty previous partners then selective amnesia is recommended and that is for both partners.lol.
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post #27 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:13 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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I am really glad you had this standard. Saved a lot of girls a lot of heartbreak, whether they realized it at the time or not.

I think some people can have uncommitted sex and some cannot. I know I cannot.
I actually couldn't either. That lifestyle almost destroyed me and unfortunately, many of the young ladies did become attached and got heartbroken.

I still cry sometimes over what I did and pray for them.
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post #28 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:16 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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I still don't get how she could ever find out but we don't have to agree on the subject.I do find the second statement a bit odd though,why would him sleeping with fifty women rather than eighty be such a good thing.In my opinion once you get above twenty previous partners then selective amnesia is recommended and that is for both partners.lol.
What if he has a guilty conscience and tells her?

What if the actual numbers were 2 instead of 20?

Okay, no need to discuss, but not everyone admires men with a high count, nor faults women for having one. Just sayin'.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #29 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:21 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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I actually couldn't either. That lifestyle almost destroyed me and unfortunately, many of the young ladies did become attached and got heartbroken.

I still cry sometimes over what I did and pray for them.
Did you ever apologize to them, or even just take the time to listen and genuinely care about their feelings about what happened? I bet that would go a long way towards healing that heartbreak.

I cannot tell you how much I would respect that in a man. Whatever he did originally, the strength of character to go back and face that, and take responsibility, would earn my respect.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #30 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:29 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

I've never had a FWB thing, but have had opportunities to explore that, I guess. Just never wanted to, because I always thought that the friendships would be ruined if sex were to happen. My fiance and I started as friends, and I've had other relationships from being friends at first with a guy. But, I don't think I could be ''just friends'' with sex as a bonus or something. I think at some point, someone will catch feelings.

Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown

I'm newly married
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