FWB-how do you handle it? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:50 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Did you ever apologize to them, or even just take the time to listen and genuinely care about their feelings about what happened? I bet that would go a long way towards healing that heartbreak.

I cannot tell you how much I would respect that in a man. Whatever he did originally, the strength of character to go back and face that, and take responsibility, would earn my respect.
I would love to have the opportunity to talk with them and apologize.

I probably feel worse about it than them but I don't think I'll get the chance. There were many of them in many places and it is doubtful we will ever meet again.

Good sentiments from you however.
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post #32 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:53 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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I would love to have the opportunity to talk with them and apologize.

I probably feel worse about it than them but I don't think I'll get the chance. There were many of them in many places and it is doubtful we will ever meet again.

Good sentiments from you however.
You're welcome, CH.

I hope they are sincerely loved and cherished now. Being truly loved can be so healing for a woman.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #33 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:56 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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@Andy1001


Exactly! This is what I was talking about in my previous posts. As unfair as it is, some men will still take into account the number of ex-partners that his SO had in the past, before deciding to marry her...especially when it comes to a possible FWB-relation that she used to experience.
I think people, regardless of gender, need to be careful.

There is nothing casual about casual sex.

More problems have come out of abusing or disrespecting the gift of sex.

Everyone has slightly differing tolerance for sexual history.

Personally, I could be with a woman who did everything possible except illegal, as long as she had left it behind to become 100% mine.

Unfortunately, I am also very territorial and a woman who had relations with friends would have to give them up for me.
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post #34 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 09:13 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

I have done both FWB and FB (**** buddy)

Difference between the two is no feelings are involved with FB but with FWB you are friends and have at min those feelings.

The problem became two fold with FWB.

One we would sometimes have sex and sometimes hangout because we legitimately were friends. The lines were always blurred and we never reall knew where we were at with each other. I care about her but did not want a relationship other than friends. She was using it as a means to get into a relationship with me. Ultimately it ended badly as a result

Second problem is what do you do when you get involved with a realtionship with someone else. The FWB has to go but your friends right? It's not the same a plutonic OsF either. Personally if I value our friendship I don't want to have to distance myself because of sex.

My opinion experiencing both is FB are sustainable and FWB's are not. I wouldn't start that with any of my female friends ever again.
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post #35 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 09:57 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Exactly! This is what I was talking about in my previous posts. As unfair as it is, some men will still take into account the number of ex-partners that his SO had in the past, before deciding to marry her...especially when it comes to a possible FWB-relation that she used to experience.
Meh, who wants that guy anyway.
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post #36 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 10:02 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

I don't see an issue with FWB. They exist because of a mutual need and some sexual attraction -- but don't develop further because there's no basis there for a relationship. It's those who are trying to use FWB to gain something more that will end in heartbreak, IMHO. That's where the danger lays.
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post #37 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 10:07 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

I lived with a girl who had sex with me and also with different guys that she met. I had my own girlfriends too. We sleep together and played house together but we were not in love. It was an arrangement of convenience. She needed a lot of sex and so did I so we had sex with each other a few times a day and then went off to see other partners.

We were never in love. We just enjoyed sex together, especially when she came home after being with another guy. We never went on a date. It was just a sexual relationship for a year. For me it was a turning point because I had a habit of falling in love with anyone I was having steady sex with. After her, that was not the case anymore and I had a lot of one night stands when we split because I relocated to another State. It just worked for us and never any jealousy.

My wife an I shared a few FWB because my wife is bi and she likes FFM threesomes. She never had sex with a woman without me there, if only to watch. She feels like it would be cheating. We have learned that sex can just be sex. A fun experience for all involved and nothing more. We did share one lover, her best friend who we both had feelings for, but the rest were just fun playmates.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.
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post #38 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 10:17 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

The problem with FWB is that it usually (but not always) ends badly for the woman. This is simply because men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex. Men can often (but not always) separate sex and love, where women cannot (generally).

Biologically, women tend to bond and form attachments through sex, men do too but it usually takes longer.

Personally, FWB isn't for me, I know myself too well to even go there. I would become attached and get very hurt. That said, I can see why both men and women are drawn to those types of relationships, and the need for regular sex - especially after coming out of a bad marriage.

Last edited by frusdil; 04-08-2017 at 10:40 PM. Reason: Typo
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post #39 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 10:18 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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What if he has a guilty conscience and tells her?

What if the actual numbers were 2 instead of 20?

Okay, no need to discuss, but not everyone admires men with a high count, nor faults women for having one. Just sayin'.
I suspect it's all about the context of the low number. If the guy obviously could have a lot of partners and didn't for moral reasons-- admiration.
If the guy had a very low number because no women wanted sex with him---/ not as admirable.

This should be obvious.
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post #40 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 10:21 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

Myself, I don't care to have sex with a woman I don't love, or think I might be developing feelings for.

I'd just rather have no sex than sex with someone just because.

Of course, if the FWB were really hot---- aw heck, I might. But it wouldn't last long. I'd be wanting to find someone I loved, to have sex with.
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post #41 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 10:30 PM
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Exactly! This is what I was talking about in my previous posts. As unfair as it is, some men will still take into account the number of ex-partners that his SO had in the past, before deciding to marry her...especially when it comes to a possible FWB-relation that she used to experience.
Meh, who wants that guy anyway.
No joke! Any man that would have a problem with my partner count or that some were FWB would be completely incompatible with me anyway and not someone I'd want to date.

I had a few FWB and a few FB. I was up front about the relationship being just friendship and sex. Most FWB/FB relationships I had naturally faded over time or were ended when one of us began a real relationship. A couple ended because the FWB developed feelings and wanted more.

I have not and would not deny or minimize the number of partners I've had or that some were ONS, FWB, or FB.

Guess the best way to describe how I handle FWB is openly and honestly.
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post #42 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 10:58 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

It would be interesting to see the age demographic of these replies. I don't think the term FWB was around when I was younger. Maybe because of societal views at the time it wasn't accepted as mainstream as it is today. I have slept with a couple of friends in the past. There was no decision of it being a recurring thing,as they came about more out of circumstance. The thing I have noticed about myself as I've grown older is that what I accept today has changed in accordance with the amount of selfishness I've been able to overcome.

"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis
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post #43 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 11:31 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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There is no obligation for anyone to "get it". The F in FWB does not necessarily mean they were an existing friend. My past FWB's started out as strangers meeting up to date, realising that we did not want to form a relationship but enjoyed each others company and had a sexual connection. It is actually a very adult way to deal with life and be realistic about the fact people want to have sex with someone they connect with on a mutual respect level but don't want a future with.
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post #44 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 11:44 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Personally, I do agree with @NextTimeAround that a girl needs to be discreet, even if this is a double standard. Guys, still look at women who sleep around with a bad eye.
Until he finds out 5 years later when you are serious and then you were hiding things from him, that kind of thing taints your relationship forever. There are quite a few threads like this on here. This is just a bad idea. Better to be honest about who you are, and find someone who is fine with that, then present yourself as something you are not. It's not the 50's there are plenty of men who would be OK with women who had a FWB relationship. Maybe not staying friends with this person once you get serious, but how many posts have we seen on here were the guy finds out after the fact and now feels like he has been lied to for years. JUST DON'T DO IT.

Be brave enough to be authentic and find someone who loves you for you, you will have a much better relationship is you don't start it with secrets.
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post #45 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 11:52 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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@Andy1001


Exactly! This is what I was talking about in my previous posts. As unfair as it is, some men will still take into account the number of ex-partners that his SO had in the past, before deciding to marry her...especially when it comes to a possible FWB-relation that she used to experience.
There is nothing fair or unfair about it. People are allowed to have choices in a mate. What you advocate in the last post was lying to them to give yourself more choices. This post and this one makes you sound pretty entitled. It's no different then if you are not religious and you don't want to be with someone who is. Do you advocate lying about that too?

People make all kinds of choices about who they want in a mate and why. Why is the number of sex partners any more or less fair then any other reason exactly?

Some people see sex as sacred and want it to be unique and special to them as a couple. I looked at it this way say I wanted to travel the world with my mate, but I didn't want to be with a mate who had been to all the places we could go to before with someone else. There is nothing wrong or unfair about that. What's even worse is when your mate tells you they have been to Paris with some other person and didn't like it, so they are never going to Paris again. Meanwhile you never got to go to Paris with them. This happens a lot as far as I can see.

By the way, I am a man and I never had sex with anyone other then who I loved, and I haven't loved many people. I also have no problem if you don't feel that way. It's just girls that thought that way wouldn't be my type. Actually girls that liked me found that out quick as I wasn't interested in sleeping with them, I told them why and most weren't interested in me at that point. To me sex is way to intimate to just do it with a stranger. FWB I could do, but I figured since I am have to get to the friends stage anyway why not just save it for love. I didn't ever want it to be like getting a cup of coffee.

Personally I know I will get killed for this but I think the cup of coffee idea is why people find it so easy to cheat today. If you see it as just something as common as getting coffee what's the big deal with cheating anyway. It's just coffee.

My next question is why would you want to be with someone who thinks so fundamentally different they you on sex that you have to hide who you are?

This is just a terrible way of thinking about it, especially in today's day an age when there are plenty of men who don't care. **** there is a whole subset of men who want there wives to go out and sleep with other men.


Then there is this.
and this.

But no one wants to talk about that!

Last edited by sokillme; 04-09-2017 at 12:35 AM.
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