FWB-how do you handle it? - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:15 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Originally Posted by MrsHolland View Post
That is not correct. Sure this type of relationship does not have to involve spending money on dates which was the question asked but it is not only about sex, not by a long shot. That is a very misinformed suggestion.
(I moved this over)

Agreed... FWB and bootycalls/FB (**** buddy) are two different things. FWB = able to do things outside of sex - a friendship of some sort. BC/FB = not much talking at all.
I am still friends with ex FWB. I've told my wife about my ex-GF or exFWB past... no lies. But my sex number I guess still gets to her.

Was watching a reality TV show on SyFy channel... and I go "Oh! I know that woman - been years since I last seen her." Wife = "Did you have sex with her?" Tador = "no. Having FWB doesn't mean all my friends or people I know - I had sex with them". :/

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post #62 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:16 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Where in my posts did I advocate lying?? Read carefully please.
I was simply saying that the double standard was not OK for me but it doesn't necessarily mean you have to lie to your partner about exes or past FWBs. He either accepts my exes/FWB or he's gone. His problem, not mine.

I didn't even mention 'lying', nor meant it.


Just like it's fair to want to have choices in a mate, it's still fair to think that counting the number of ex-es is (per se) unfair.


That's the problem of those who want to hide(TWWTH) and their current partners who have a problem with TWWTH's exes.

Personally, I've been asked in the past by one of the guys I was dating ...how many partners I had had or what type of sex I had had.
I told the guy to shut it and if he had a problem with my number then he was free to leave. What's worse, I lost respect for him because it showed a pure lack of confidence on his part.
My husband mentioned this, too, that if men do not like a high number it is because it makes them feel insecure.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #63 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:20 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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I don't really understand what you are asking me.Nobody forces people to have ons or fwb it's a mutual arrangement between two willing people.As for my employees I have never touched any of them and don't intend to either.You seem to be making it sound like something sordid but it is anything but.It is two willing people having some fun and nobody gets hurt,if someone starts to get emotionally involved then it is time to pull away.
I intend to shoot the first ten boys who hit on my daughter,just as a warning to others.

I'm joking.

I think.
LOL!

I like your last thought in this post!

jld is just digging and asking thought provokers.
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post #64 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:21 AM Thread Starter
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

Now that I'm thinking again...I could be FWB/FB only with someone I have been previously in a relationship with (a very long time ago)... only if the past feelings don't affect the current situation.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #65 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:23 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
Personally, I've been asked in the past by one of the guys I was dating ...how many partners I had had or what type of sex I had had.
I told the guy to shut it and if he had a problem with my number then he was free to leave. What's worse, I lost respect for him because it showed a pure lack of confidence on his part.
And this is why it really shouldn't matter. Only thing that should : Are you a virgin (doubtful)? Do you have STDs? Are you cheating on someone else?
My own personal feelings for the woman wouldn't change if she had sex with 5 people or 500.

After 6 years with my wife... I *STILL* don't know her sex partner number (male and female) before we met. I'd guess in 20~30 range. She knows I'm about 200. I don't have an exact number... its been years. I've been drunk since then.

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post #66 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:24 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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LOL!

I like your last thought in this post!

jld is just digging and asking thought provokers.
If we do not ask thought-provoking questions of each other, what is the point of the forum?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #67 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:24 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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LOL!

I like your last thought in this post!

jld is just digging and asking thought provokers.
I always enjoy talking to her she knows the buttons to press.It doesn't help that my ten day old daughter is beside me as I type.lol.
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post #68 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:26 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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I always enjoy talking to her she knows the buttons to press.It doesn't help that my ten day old daughter is beside me as I type.lol.
You should do an update on her on your thread. I bet you are loving being a father!

And it is to your credit that you do not get offended by my questions, Andy. It shows intelligence and inner security.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #69 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:28 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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You should do an update on her on your thread. I bet you are loving being a father!
I miscounted,she's eleven days old.They grow up so fast these days.lol
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post #70 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:30 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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My husband mentioned this, too, that if men do not like a high number it is because it makes them feel insecure.
I'm not convinced about the insecurity.

Some people, men and women, just have an "ick" level and are disgusted.

I have lived a wild life and then changed. I have seen many women do the same so I don't have much of an "ick" factor when considering a potential mate.

She would have to be a changed person however and be willing to accommodate me in certain areas to ensure the success of our relationship.

I do think insecurity is a factor in many of these situations combined with the "ick" factor.

I am very confident so there might be something to what Dug is saying. I think a lot of people are possibly confident but just revolted by the sexual behavior of a potential mate.
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post #71 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:32 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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I'm not convinced about the insecurity.

Some people, men and women, just have an "ick" level and are disgusted.

I have lived a wild life and then changed. I have seen many women do the same so I don't have much of an "ick" factor when considering a potential mate.

She would have to be a changed person however and be willing to accommodate me in certain areas to ensure the success of our relationship.

I do think insecurity is a factor in many of these situations combined with the "ick" factor.

I am very confident so there might be something to what Dug is saying. I think a lot of people are possibly confident but just revolted by the sexual behavior of a potential mate.
I would be turned off by a high partner count. To me it does not say the man loved the women. And loving whoever he was with indicates sincerity to me.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #72 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:46 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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I would be turned off by a high partner count. To me it does not say the man loved the women. And loving whoever he was with indicates sincerity to me.
And you are not alone in your perspective.

That is a valid view point that many men and women have.

I happen to agree with you.

I am not bothered by any sexual history as long as it is "history" and the person has changed.
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post #73 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:47 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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And you are not alone in your perspective.

That is a valid view point that many men and women have.

I happen to agree with you.

I am not bothered by any sexual history as long as it is "history" and the person has changed.
I still feel sorry for the people hurt, though.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #74 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:51 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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I still feel sorry for the people hurt, though.
You know well that I hurt for them also.

Mrs. C was not as promiscuous as me but was what could be considered a serial cheater.

She changed and deeply regrets her past, even weeping about it.

The best people can do is choose to be different and better as well as make reparations when possible.
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post #75 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:59 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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You know well that I hurt for them also.

Mrs. C was not as promiscuous as me but was what could be considered a serial cheater.

She changed and deeply regrets her past, even weeping about it.

The best people can do is choose to be different and better as well as make reparations when possible.
I really wish I had never been involved with anyone before Dug. I am one of those people who should have had a lifetime partner count of one.

But live and learn.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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