FWB-how do you handle it? - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 10:03 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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I really wish I had never been involved with anyone before Dug. I am one of those people who should have had a lifetime partner count of one.

But live and learn.
On the same page with you there.

I definitely wish Mrs. C had been my only one.
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post #77 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 10:04 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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On the same page with you there.

I definitely wish Mrs. C had been my only one.
(((Conan)))

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #78 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 10:08 AM Thread Starter
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

Why do you guys regret having had more than one partner?
Having been in other relationships/sexual encounters before made you be who you are today.
Probably you wouldn't be so good to your partners, so devoted and so understanding if you didn't have those past relationships.
Don't regret it!

I, on the other hand, wish I had 10+ partners when it's not even close to that...not even close to half of that.
My psychological state and my flaw to over-think things.. impedes me from pursuing as many men as I want.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #79 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 10:17 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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The bolded is unfortunate. I have a lot of respect for men with a low partner count.

I think each sex should be honest with the other about that, right from the beginning.
This is so unfair.

A low partner Count!

Or-

A Duke who has many low partners, the tall ones do not Count! The tall ones do not measure down.
A Princess who Counts on her partners to have low character... to be Jesters and kinky,!
A King who sits on his throne looking down on all the lowly Counts. And their pathetic use of the Abbey-cuss to Count their scores.
A Prince who makes music on the soft bellies of his lowly Countesses! He uses his drum stick on them, trying to make slap-dash noise!

I think the Commoner Demeanor should Count also.

The Hell with Royalty. And the Hell with Judges in long black robes. Robes with white Chantilly lace on the collar. Worn by Those Banning She's. The She's who Count the letters and deem the intent.

Those Banned Shes that flaunt their flat-line partner Counts.

And they who brazenly lop off [inches] of already short tongues..... of lesser gods. I Count the remaining inches of my tongue and rue. Rue the days when Counting partners was Bliss, not shame.

I pine for the day that @turnera and @EleGirl get de-frocked!

I Count the days that my Revenge Affair Counts Coup. The day the Banned Shes live in my tent. And the up-adjusted Count will be the Ultimate Notches on my bedpost.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #80 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 10:32 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
Why do you guys regret having had more than one partner?
Having been in other relationships/sexual encounters before made you be who you are today.
Probably you wouldn't be so good to your partners, so devoted and so understanding if you didn't have those past relationships.
Don't regret it!

I, on the other hand, wish I had 10+ partners when it's not even close to that...not even close to half of that.
My psychological state and my flaw to over-think things.. impedes me from pursuing as many men as I want.
No time for the response you deserve. I promise to post my perspective later.
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post #81 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:23 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
Why do you guys regret having had more than one partner?
Having been in other relationships/sexual encounters before made you be who you are today.
Probably you wouldn't be so good to your partners, so devoted and so understanding if you didn't have those past relationships.
Don't regret it!

I, on the other hand, wish I had 10+ partners when it's not even close to that...not even close to half of that.
My psychological state and my flaw to over-think things.. impedes me from pursuing as many men as I want.
Coming from a man with a lot of experience, understand I am not bragging and regret my history, having many women did not help me in any way with my relationship with Mrs. C.

I later used the experiences as points of data that can be useful in understanding attraction and some points about spontaneous sex.

Emotionally, I have bad memories of my promiscuity. I was not in a good place which was a catalyst for my behavior.

In my heart, I have only wanted to become one with one woman.

I can have a sense of humor about sexual history and even laugh about it now but during the time I was having sex with multiple women, my mental and emotional health was not good.

I am a very sexual and passionate man. That was not developed by multiple women having sex with me.

It was who I always was. I had to learn Mrs. Conan inside and out to become a good lover to her and all the other women were not only no help but a hindrance.

My first time with her, I was no better than a scared virgin who didn't know where to put his hands or other appendages.

I shook like a leaf in an October wind and she had to be patient with me.

The super stud that had bedded more than 60 women between the age of 14 and 20 was not present that night! LOL!

Now my confidence and strength in the bedroom grew by leaps and bounds that first week. I bedded her over 30 times, probably closer to 50, and had her making happy animal sounds rather quickly but that was who I always was regardless of any number of women I was with.

She was actually the most difficult to work out.

All my other conquests were either having seizure level orgasms within 15 minutes of getting naked with me or definitely by the end of an all night sexathon.

Mrs. C took about 3 days and many sex sessions to start "howling at the moon".

If I had been a virgin the first time we were together, it would not have made much of a difference except I wouldn't have had near as much baggage.
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post #82 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:37 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
Why do you guys regret having had more than one partner?
Having been in other relationships/sexual encounters before made you be who you are today.
Probably you wouldn't be so good to your partners, so devoted and so understanding if you didn't have those past relationships.
Don't regret it!

I, on the other hand, wish I had 10+ partners when it's not even close to that...not even close to half of that.
My psychological state and my flaw to over-think things.. impedes me from pursuing as many men as I want.
I have a partner count of one.
At a time.😈
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post #83 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:44 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
Why do you guys regret having had more than one partner?
Having been in other relationships/sexual encounters before made you be who you are today.
Probably you wouldn't be so good to your partners, so devoted and so understanding if you didn't have those past relationships.
Don't regret it!

I, on the other hand, wish I had 10+ partners when it's not even close to that...not even close to half of that.
My psychological state and my flaw to over-think things.. impedes me from pursuing as many men as I want.
Ok. How many partners and what emotions do you feel about them?

I think you are wonderful just as you are.
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post #84 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 02:29 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Originally Posted by jld View Post
I really wish I had never been involved with anyone before Dug. I am one of those people who should have had a lifetime partner count of one.

But live and learn.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
On the same page with you there.

I definitely wish Mrs. C had been my only one.


I feel the same way. And so does my husband.
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post #85 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 02:36 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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I lost respect for him because it showed a pure lack of confidence on his part.
Oh the irony. You don't even see it do you? You are basically that which you hate. Because someone doesn't think like you about sex put them down, you don't even see that this is exactly the same as the guy who would call a women lose if she slept with lots of men. Both are the same kind of shaming.

Adults understand that there may be different opinions about the intimacy and the amount of partners, this is part of choosing a mate. It's actually quite normal. They don't call people names and shame them because they have a different opinion. You sound very young.
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post #86 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 02:47 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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My husband mentioned this, too, that if men do not like a high number it is because it makes them feel insecure.
I didn't want a high number because I wanted it to be special and unique. Security had nothing to do with it. I had just as low numbers, not that I didn't have options. I have always seen sex as sacred to be shared with people you have a deep emotional connection with. I didn't want it to be anything other then a gift between two people as a final expression of that connection. My wife felt the same way. Frankly to think this way I had to be secure because sex count seems to be equated with manliness in today's society. I wasn't going to go to all of that effort and sacrifice and then end up with someone who didn't feel the same way.

Not everyone thinks that way because they are insecure. Funny you get insulted on the one hand for not being manly enough, and then you get insulted on the other for being insecure. It's crap.

I have no regrets.

Last edited by sokillme; 04-09-2017 at 02:53 PM.
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post #87 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 02:58 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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I didn't want a high number because I wanted it to be special and unique. Security had nothing to do with it. I had just as low numbers, not that I didn't have options. I have always seen sex as sacred to be shared with people you have a deep emotional connection with. I didn't want it to be anything other then a gift between two people as a final expression of that connection. My wife felt the same way. Frankly to think this way I had to be secure because sex count seems to be equated with manliness in today's society. I wasn't going to go to all of that effort and sacrifice and then end up with someone who didn't feel the same way.

Not everyone thinks that way because they are insecure. Funny you get insulted on the one hand for not being manly enough, and then you get insulted on the other for being insecure. It's crap.

I have no regrets.
No insults intended I'm sure. Just candid conversation.

Maybe her experience was with one of the many, and there are many, insecure men out there.

You are a good example of the other group of people that are not insecure but avoid high partner count mates.
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post #88 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 03:31 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

I slept with a friend once.....it was at an emotional low point in my life and I felt horrible afterwards.

I'm just not a casual sex type of person. If you are that's certainly your business, but it probably means our value systems aren't compatible.

I am a relatively sexual person, I've just found that i need a deep bond to show it.
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post #89 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 04:34 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Originally Posted by jld View Post
I really wish I had never been involved with anyone before Dug. I am one of those people who should have had a lifetime partner count of one.

But live and learn.
I have never understood the rationale or had the desire to have multiple partners. I would have loved to only have ever been with my x and stayed married for life. Just was not the hand I was delt and I have done the best I could. But I certinaly never attributed my manliness to the number of women I slept with. Not a huge fan of casual sex. Doesn't work for me personally.
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post #90 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 04:39 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
I slept with a friend once.....it was at an emotional low point in my life and I felt horrible afterwards.

I'm just not a casual sex type of person. If you are that's certainly your business, but it probably means our value systems aren't compatible.

I am a relatively sexual person, I've just found that i need a deep bond to show it.
Nothing wrong with this I am the same way. Most all my sexual encounters after my x were purely out of pain and loneliness. Amazing how a person can set themselves on a destructive path.

I don't begrudge people their sexual pasts. I am just certainly not proud of all of mine.
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