FWB-how do you handle it? - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 03:57 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Where on earth did you get that he couldn't hang out in our circle, or that we would gang up on him and eject him??? Wow, you mad bro? I said nor implied nothing of the sort.
Where on earth did you get the idea that I was talking specifically about you? Why think I'm mad... geez? Other posters here on this and other threads have talked about how their SO can't be friends with a former FWB, that they would have ISSUES with that. "Bob knows what my wife looks like naked" or whatever.

Of all my past sexual partners who I have had sex with before my wife... at this very moment, I cannot picture or remember what they looked like naked. None of them. Only vague impressions. ie: she looked really good naked to no lasting impressions. My "first' teen girlfriend or the previous woman I loved before my wife = pretty much nothing. Attractive, etc - sure.

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post #122 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 01:24 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Where on earth did you get the idea that I was talking specifically about you? Why think I'm mad... geez? Other posters here on this and other threads have talked about how their SO can't be friends with a former FWB, that they would have ISSUES with that. "Bob knows what my wife looks like naked" or whatever.



Of all my past sexual partners who I have had sex with before my wife... at this very moment, I cannot picture or remember what they looked like naked. None of them. Only vague impressions. ie: she looked really good naked to no lasting impressions. My "first' teen girlfriend or the previous woman I loved before my wife = pretty much nothing. Attractive, etc - sure.


Well that's you. My W could literally remember the socks I was wearing the day we met. She (and others I've known) has a very visual memory. So being married to someone like that, and recounting prior relationships (as another poster mentioned, in casual conversations over the years) means you know she has a complete visual record.

One need not be insecure to realize that sort of memory is different from the memories you have (and I have - since I can not visualize anything due to the way my brain works).

That said, my w and I were both virgins so I don't have to deal with that memory disparity in this context


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post #123 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:16 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

That's typical people. Sure we remember many details of special days or events. But overall, the brain throws out garbage memory.
What did you have for breakfast on March 27 2017? Do you remember what kind of toast you had that day or even 3 days ago? How did it look and placement on the plate?

Most people do not have a photographic memory, and even that is not reliable - helpful, but the brain is not a computer hard drive that stores exact copies of input... not even in real time.

Lets test ya a bit more. Did you look at girlie magazines at any time in your life, especially before you meet your wife? Let's say - yes, maybe 5 different magazines. What are the exact details of the 2nd girl in the 3rd magazine? Color, shapes, and position of her body?

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post #124 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 06:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

Our brains remember things/people that impress us or something that it's important to us.

I can understand why @TaDor doesn't remember all FWB (I remember he's had 100 parnters, many of whom FWB) so what's to remember in all this mess?
Most women for him came and went.


@TheTruthHurts - Your story is different. Your wife was looking for a future husband (I guess) so obviously she'd have to pay close attention even to the smallest details (yeah it sounds crazy) ..especially when dealing with someone who has a strong visual memory.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #125 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 06:44 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Where on earth did you get the idea that I was talking specifically about you? Why think I'm mad... geez? Other posters here on this and other threads have talked about how their SO can't be friends with a former FWB, that they would have ISSUES with that. "Bob knows what my wife looks like naked" or whatever.

Of all my past sexual partners who I have had sex with before my wife... at this very moment, I cannot picture or remember what they looked like naked. None of them. Only vague impressions. ie: she looked really good naked to no lasting impressions. My "first' teen girlfriend or the previous woman I loved before my wife = pretty much nothing. Attractive, etc - sure.
Here is the thing, it's not for you or me to say, it's not our marriage. The problem is when the stuff is kept hidden. I think most would say that is not the right way to deal with it. Again keeping secrets in marriage especially when it is between an active relationship that is not the spouse it not a respectful way to treat your spouse.
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post #126 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 06:47 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Lol. That would be hilarious. My wife said that she didn't think her friend knew. The only reason I knew is because my wife and I have always talked about our past over the years. Just here and there. We never grilled each other like "what did you know and when did you know it!?"


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So it's your wife and your wife's friend's husband who is keeping secrets. I wonder how her friend will feel if it ever comes to light.
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post #127 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 06:48 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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Our brains remember things/people that impress us or something that it's important to us.



I can understand why @TaDor doesn't remember all FWB (I remember he's had 100 parnters, many of whom FWB) so what's to remember in all this mess?

Most women for him came and went.




@TheTruthHurts - Your story is different. Your wife was looking for a future husband (I guess) so obviously she'd have to pay close attention even to the smallest details (yeah it sounds crazy) ..especially when dealing with someone who has a strong visual memory.


Well, um.... she assumed I was just a hot fling truth be told. I was a little bit wild for her very conservative upbringing. It's all relative I suppose.

It's just the way she's built - very observant and very visual.


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post #128 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 07:54 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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So it's your wife and your wife's friend's husband who is keeping secrets. I wonder how her friend will feel if it ever comes to light.


That's thing, I really don't know for sure if the other wife doesn't know. That's just a guess. She may very well know. That particular circle of friends doesn't really discuss past FWBs at length when we are together. And if it is a "secret" then that is the other husband's problem. It's their relationship so who knows how they handle things.

OTOH she is Puerto Rican and type A so she just might go after his ass with a frying pan if this is news to her. I am Latino as well so it is just a joke. Sort of.


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post #129 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 08:50 PM
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In general, yeah... Tell your new SO that you friend was a sexual relationship... Or dated. But sometimes it shouldn't be a big deal. What if they dated 15 yrs ago and he is happily married. If the relationship is over and done with and nobody else cares why should the new person? If he is that anal, then he needs to find an adult virgin.

Different variables for different people. Does one or both people want to know these versus don't or don't care.

A guy I knew had sex with me wife 6 months before I met her. He is a buddy type I run into from time to time. It was a couple of ONS. Why should I be upset? Or anyone else? I'm an adult and she's an adult.

People want to follow some of the morality rules... Then they should not have sex with another person after their first. Married or not.
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post #130 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 10:38 PM
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Our brains remember things/people that impress us.

I can understand why @TaDor doesn't remember all FWB (I remember he's had 100 parnters, many of whom FWB) so what's to remember in all this mess?
Most women for him came and went.
.
That seems insulting. Nope. Most were ONS. Some were GF some were FWB. Some I dated and never had sex with. Moat of them had feelings that even as a ONS should be respected as a fellow human being.

The human brain does not retain all information that you have experienced.
Here's the thing people are avg or lacking in the sex Dept. Not many have passion. Anyone can suck or open their legs, but there is a lot more to sex than just that... But many think or feel that it is. I'd say say out of 100, 10 at most were worth remembering .

I got tired of teaching those who can't or too troublesome to learn. "Just stick it in" is not attractive to me, yet for many guys it's enough.
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post #131 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

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That seems insulting. Nope. Most were ONS. Some were GF some were FWB. Some I dated and never had sex with. Moat of them had feelings that even as a ONS should be respected as a fellow human being.

The human brain does not retain all information that you have experienced.
Here's the thing people are avg or lacking in the sex Dept. Not many have passion. Anyone can suck or open their legs, but there is a lot more to sex than just that... But many think or feel that it is. I'd say say out of 100, 10 at most were worth remembering .

I got tired of teaching those who can't or too troublesome to learn. "Just stick it in" is not attractive to me, yet for many guys it's enough.
I didn't mean to insult you TAD. I said it casually as something normal, with no bad intentions. Sorry if It came out wrong or harsh.

What I meant was that out of 100+ partners you had, some were FWB and obviously it's hard to remember them all or other details about them.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #132 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 07:16 AM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

The fact that they were sex partners has nothing to do with remembering them. The brain throws out trash memory all the time. "Inside Out" is a fun way to look at it (Pixar movie).

Other than a few photos from my life at age 10, I have NO memory of my friends - their names, their faces, what they wore, etc. I remember 3 teachers at age 6~12, 6 teachers from grades 9~12. Out of them only one of them's name. Why: Age 11, teacher (redacted name) gave me a hug goodbye and I had my head up against her large breasts. It was innocent - by my face was saying "breasts!". A teacher from age 15, because she was a hottie 23yr fresh from college. One poor young teacher when I was 9 - nobody liked her. She had bad breath, friendly but naive - a push over. I was not happy that three 9~10yr old boys ganged up on her. She never returned to our school. A good math teacher that we loved, had a baby but never returned when she said she would. Her replacement sucked and brought us all down. Those are the kinds of people we see many times over and over again and most of us will only remember the best or worst ones.

A GF that lasted 2 years - I have snippets of her nudity. I have pics and vids of her nude... I've not looked at them in 9+ years. Don't care, unimportant.
For most people, memory fades of things that are not thought about.

I've had people strike up conversations with me as if I know them... being popular and socializing, I meet more than I can remember. I've apologized for not remembering them... or fake it.

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