FWB-how do you handle it? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 05:55 PM Thread Starter
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FWB-how do you handle it?

Given that @TaDor was tempted to stray away from topic, here's a quote from one of his recent comments on FWB.

How do you handle FWB relationship?
Are you currently in one now?
Was there any temptation from you or your partner to give it a try and settle for a relationship?
What is ok to do when you're FWB and what's not okay to do?

*******************
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
The exact same way if you were Friends Without the benefits.

Oh, sleeping over is okay as well, especially if you end up drunk, etc. But yeah... with my FWB, there was never a "date" to impress. We either paid 50/50 on a motel or hotel room - or had sex her place or mine... she buy drinks or I buy drinks. For the most part, anything that required money - was nothing noteworthy.

The important thing about FWB - to keep it FWB. Too much "benefits" = the woman may start to become attached. I had 3 that brought it up about "wanting more" - two of them kept that in check. One of them kept pressing for "dating" or something. So for her, I told her "no more fooling around, we're just friends". Even mutual friends told her she needed to cool her jets. FWB things to do: DO NOT text all the time, especially right after sex. I'd say, no more than 2~4 times a month - like once a week at most. Do not string anyone along.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #2 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 06:01 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

Why did you put this in the men's clubhouse? Do you not consider that both genders participate freely in this?
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post #3 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 06:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsHolland View Post
Why did you put this in the men's clubhouse? Do you not consider that both genders participate freely in this?
I posted it here by default without thinking much. Mods are free to move it into the general discussion part of the forum.

Also, who said threads on Men's Clubhouse ever prevented both genders from participating freely?

You could have also elaborated more on the topic given that you posted...

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #4 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 06:14 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

I don't really get FWB.

I was very promiscuous in my youth but was damaged emotionally.

I never slept with a friend. Not once.

Too much of a connection can, and in my opinion, should form.

Mrs. Conan was the first and last woman that I slept with for love.
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post #5 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 06:16 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

I don't handle it. I have never had a FWB-never will.

It's just not me.
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post #6 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 06:20 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
I don't really get FWB.

I was very promiscuous in my youth but was damaged emotionally.

I never slept with a friend. Not once.

Too much of a connection can, and in my opinion, should form.

Mrs. Conan was the first and last woman that I slept with because I loved her.
There is no obligation for anyone to "get it". The F in FWB does not necessarily mean they were an existing friend. My past FWB's started out as strangers meeting up to date, realising that we did not want to form a relationship but enjoyed each others company and had a sexual connection. It is actually a very adult way to deal with life and be realistic about the fact people want to have sex with someone they connect with on a mutual respect level but don't want a future with.
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post #7 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 06:32 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?



Don't really get what's not to get, it's quite simple. Looking back I seem to prefer having exclusive FWBs, which pretty much breaks one of the rules but I don't really care. Most got attached but that's the nature of it, but some didn't and we ended them on pleasant terms. Sex is just sex to me, I have no notion about the sacredness of sex.

Girlfriend deep down turned out to be the opposite of me, and she risked alot to be with me considering she would have been the type of girl who was to be disappointed by my emotional unavailability. However she never disappointed me, which led me to pursue her in a deeper level.

But she's still teaching me again what love is, as I remain damaged and hardened from both childhood and divorce.
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post #8 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 06:33 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

Thanks, Lovely girl for starting this thread.
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post #9 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 06:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

More posts from the previous thread to go on with the discussion..

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
@TaDOR This could be a good warning post for any woman considering this sort of relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
Friends with benefits are a great idea if you aren't around much.When I was employed I traveled all the time and lived in hotels for months at a time.It was great when I got home to have someone you could call at the last minute to go to dinner or whatever.I can't see how it can work if you are in the same area as them all the time because eventually emotions are going to enter the equation.It goes from fwb to jealousy very quickly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
Sounds like a bad idea all around, imo. At least for most women.

But this is probably a t/j. Back to who pays for dates . . .
Quote:
Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
One important thing for women to remember is that it will deter other men from wanting to date you. So if a woman is still looking she needs to be discreet. Perhaps FWB a guy completely outside of your social circle and never let him meet your other friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsHolland View Post
Why?

It is fairly standard in my circle, can't see why it is a bad idea for women in particular and not men, care to explain your thoughts on this.


Quote:
Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
How so? Its not abusive. Both parties get what they want (M / F or M / M or F / F ). Its safer and easier than ONS... there is friendship still.

The only "guide" about this, is ways to not turn it into something more. And its okay *IF* it does become something more if it's between two consenting adults who are not in a committed relationship with anyone else.

Why the hell is sex between a man and a woman = she is being used?
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
That is the guy's problem. I notice you have no issues with the GUYS doing FWB... its all on the woman. How dare she get laid unless she is wife or something.

FWB is about having a sexual relationship that is not public - usually. Sometimes it is or semi-public. FWB can end at a moments notice (one or both of them are dating someone they want to take to the next level). If its someone you don't want anyone to know you are having sex with - then it's not FWB, it's a bootycall.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
But ya keep going at it, eh?

So what if its a guy who wants a LTR and can't understand why women are not interested in him? - er, what business is it with the other person, and again - you have made the woman, the "bad one.". Didn't know that one sex needed a matching sex to be an advocate. I'm not projecting, I am assuming because it seems you are shaming women for being FWB. We derailed from the thread because FWB don't date usually - and it was brought up.

Elaborate? Uh, some people will tell others they are in a FWB relationship - maybe on FB, maybe to their closest friends, maybe nobody.

I am not angry.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #10 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 06:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

Personally, I do agree with @NextTimeAround that a girl needs to be discreet, even if this is a double standard. Guys, still look at women who sleep around with a bad eye.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #11 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:00 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

I'm not sure whether I had a number of fwbs or whether they were casual relationships.I used to travel a lot and it would sometimes be for months at a time so I never had any long term relationships.I had numbers for girls in various cities here and in Europe and would call them whenever I was in their city and had free time.I always asked them to dinner or lunch depending on the time but a lot of the time they just wanted to come to my hotel and we would party.Sex was always going to happen and both of us knew that from the start.
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post #12 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:01 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
Personally, I do agree with @NextTimeAround that a girl needs to be discreet, even if this is a double standard. Guys, still look at women who sleep around with a bad eye.
Huh?

How young are you?
Which century do you live in?
Do you live in a backwater little country town?
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post #13 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:02 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

Hi, lovelygirl. Thanks for starting this thread for the folks who want to discuss it.

MrsHolland, I don't have extensive thoughts on this subject. I was mostly just agreeing with what @Andy1001 said about how women tend to get attached in these relationships. It just makes sense to me considering how relationship-oriented most women I know are.

Men may get attached in FWB relationships, too, not sure. But Andy seems to have experience and he specifically mentioned women getting attached.

No other real thoughts on the subject. And it sounds like your experience may have been opposite of what Andy said about women, so feel free to ignore anything I have said here. It may be completely irrelevant.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #14 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:23 PM
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

The idea that men are expecting to marry virgins went away about the same time as the pony express.But there is still a double standard,it's just more subtle.Most men accept that women they meet have had a previous sex life but the men don't really want to think about it.Its why when a couple are discussing the previous partners count,men exaggerate and women minimise.It's still a double standard and inherently unfair to the woman in the relationship because the imaginary women the male says he has slept with aren't going to appear to contradict him but the woman may be "found out" if she inadvertently lets something slip or if she falls out with a friend and the friend reveals the truth to cause trouble.
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post #15 of 132 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: FWB-how do you handle it?

@MrsHolland
Quote:
Huh?

How young are you?
Which century do you live in?
Do you live in a backwater little country town?
First, there's no need to be surprised as not everyone will think the same as you do;
Second, careful with your 'tone' when refering to me or my country, regardless of what/where the country is;
Third, I expressed a reality which exists in many parts of the world, whether you like it or not. My post was not about what I think of women who experience FWB ..but rather about what some GUYS think of these women;
Forth, whether I'm young or old, whether I live in Europe or the States or Asia...truth is...women who experience FWB are not always considered to be GF/wife material for many guys. It is an unfortunate reality that I've experienced many times in the circle of my friends - foreign or native ones. So it's not just about my country and/or age, as you put it.
Fifth, I live in the same century as you live in and I'm surprised that in 2017 there are still people who don't know that experiences and opinions have different colors and aspects.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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