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post #31 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 08:11 AM
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Re: Question about paying for dates

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I've been married almost 10 years. Yes, I've gotten my share of second dates. Thanks for asking.



Depends on short-term and long-term objectives. I try to think long-term, so when I was in the field, every date was a potential mate. If I was doing things over, I might think differently.
I actually find your answer very interesting because when I was dating my objectives were strictly short term.I was into one night stands and short term relationships in a big way.I had a great time during my early to mid/late twenties and I don't regret a thing.
Then I totally screwed up my life and did something I had never done before.I fell in love.lol.
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post #32 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 08:15 AM
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Re: Question about paying for dates

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every date was a potential mate.
Wise way of seeing it, especially if there is a chance of pregnancy.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #33 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 08:28 AM
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Re: Question about paying for dates

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Wise way of seeing it, especially if there is a chance of pregnancy.
I think the word potential should be the key word here.I could potentially join the E street band,but I can't sing or play any instrument.
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post #34 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 08:36 AM
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Re: Question about paying for dates

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I think the word potential should be the key word here.I could potentially join the E street band,but I can't sing or play any instrument.
Some people can have recreational sex and feel fine with it. But some people cannot, and find that out the hard way.

Sex can bond people. Why take the risk if there is no mating potential?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #35 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 08:38 AM
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Re: Question about paying for dates

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Then I totally screwed up my life and did something I had never done before.I fell in love.lol.
Love makes one an irrational agent, who no longer acts solely to maximize his or her expected payoff.
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post #36 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 08:53 AM
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Re: Question about paying for dates

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Been on 3 dates with this woman and just wondering at what point does she offer to pay? Dating can become costly and I had to make up an excuse not to see her this weekend because my funds are tight

Thanks
Well, first off, don't go on dates you could not continue to afford to support. Part of what the two of you are evaluating is each other's ability to take on only what you can handle.

In my experience, the best dates are close to free. Hiking up small mountains, walks in parks, bike rides on tree-lined trails.

The human body's reaction to nature is amazing - oxytocin levels are higher, brain activation is higher - get out of the building. It also costs less.

As far as when does she pay? Welcome to the art of communicating in relationships. Time to start asking her views on money.

There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie
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post #37 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 02:59 PM
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A lady I dated recently never offered, so I simply suggested we alternate paying (she made as much as me if not more).

I don't think she was thrilled, but admitted it was a reasonable request.
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post #38 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 03:28 PM
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Re: Question about paying for dates

I think that if you still want to go out with this girl you better be prepared to pay for each date. While being honest with her about not having enough money to take her out sounds like the right play it really isn't. She's not going to want to go out with a guy who can't afford to take her out a few times. Most women evaluate a guy based on what lifestyle she would have with him. If there's no money, she will likely opt for someone else.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #39 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 03:43 PM
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It might indeed be a turn-off. But the question is whether you want to be with someone who ignores your (real, quantitative) limits?

Why do you assume this is an issue? Does she have more resources than you and you feel the need to keep up? Does she send signals that she is demanding?

As noted, you must meet your current needs and save for the future. Dating comes after that and competes for money (and time) with other interests. You need to accept it or you'll shortchange yourself and/or find dating stressful, not fun.

IMO, if you make good money (let's say top 25% - around $75k) and are responsible, you should set aside an amount for dating you can comfortably part with and be able to have some quality experiences.

Personally, I am heading back to the top 10% income bracket and handle my finances responsibly. I can afford to pay for pricey dates regularly (And don't mind doing so). But if a lady were to suggest I did not make enough or was not generous enough, I would suggest she find someone better able to meet her needs.

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How about just being honest with her?
I figured it would be a turnoff to mention funds are tight
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post #40 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 04:46 PM
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Yes and no. Lifestyle is just one criteria upon which a guy is evaluated. And lifestyle encompasses more than just how much cash a guy drops on a date.

I have found that ladies are as impressed by my work ethic, intellect, and owning a nice home/cars rather than the dates we di.

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I think that if you still want to go out with this girl you better be prepared to pay for each date. While being honest with her about not having enough money to take her out sounds like the right play it really isn't. She's not going to want to go out with a guy who can't afford to take her out a few times. Most women evaluate a guy based on what lifestyle she would have with him. If there's no money, she will likely opt for someone else.
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post #41 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 05:47 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Question about paying for dates

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A lady I dated recently never offered, so I simply suggested we alternate paying (she made as much as me if not more).

I don't think she was thrilled, but admitted it was a reasonable request.

sometimes I get to the point where I get tired of planning and paying for the date.
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post #42 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 05:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Question about paying for dates

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I think that if you still want to go out with this girl you better be prepared to pay for each date. While being honest with her about not having enough money to take her out sounds like the right play it really isn't. She's not going to want to go out with a guy who can't afford to take her out a few times. Most women evaluate a guy based on what lifestyle she would have with him. If there's no money, she will likely opt for someone else.


I;m programmed to lie if I am unable to go out due to finances.
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post #43 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 11:53 AM
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Re: Question about paying for dates

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I;m programmed to lie if I am unable to go out due to finances.
She's going to find this out sooner or later, then what?

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #44 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 06:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Question about paying for dates

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She's going to find this out sooner or later, then what?

After 4 or more dates I;m guessing I may not have to lie as much.
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post #45 of 62 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 05:22 AM
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Re: Question about paying for dates

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After 4 or more dates I;m guessing I may not have to lie as much.
Why? Do you think after the fourth date every thing will be 50/50?

If you ask a woman out you pay, it doesn't matter if it's the first date or the one hundredth, you asked, you pay. Simple. If she calls you and asks you out you still offer to pay, but if she insist it's her treat then let her pay.

Asking a woman to start alternating paying for dates? While it may seem practical most will call it classless. The plus side would be it's a great story for her and her friends to laugh about when they're man bashing!
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