Describe your ideal wife - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:41 PM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

Actually I left out the most important: Happy.

To a large extent if the person I love is happy, I'm happy.
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post #47 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 03:11 AM Thread Starter
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Thank you men for sharing your thoughts! This has given me a lot of things to think about and I am very challenged by some of the traits. I'll definitely be reading through them again a few times. A lot of great ideas to digest. ie. how I can get envolved with his hobbies - computer games (playing and watching YouTube of other people playing) and gardening.

Need to revisit the 5 Love Languages book again as it has been many years. I think hubby was Physical Touch and Acts of Service (definitely not Quality Time, lol).

I cook his dinner (for the whole family) but not any other meals. I have noticed that he is slightly frustrated every work day morning looking for something to take for lunch (that's instant for him to grab and go). I know he would appreciate it (but not express it) if I made his lunch every day. I could do it, as I make the kids' lunch every evening. Need to get over my attitude of not wanting to make his lunch. Not sure why I feel that way though!! Maybe just because it's another thing on my long list of things to be done. I think it will really bless him if I do it regularly. Need to fix my attitude on that!

Perhaps I should make a shortlist of some of the qualities that you all have suggested and ask hubby to priorotise them, to find out which things matter to him the most. I think that will be easier for him than being put on the spot having to think things up.
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post #48 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 03:15 AM Thread Starter
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Oh and before anyone suggests that he should make his own lunch... well he is capabale of doing that (cooking or making a sandwich) and he sometimes does. But most of the time he doesn't do it. He wants something to grab and go. He often ends up buying lunch, when he can't find something easy at home.
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post #49 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 07:01 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

To sum it up, you can't get more ideal than wanting to be an ideal wife for your husband. You would just have to make the necessary adjustments.
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post #50 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:18 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsluvmyhub View Post
Oh and before anyone suggests that he should make his own lunch... well he is capabale of doing that (cooking or making a sandwich) and he sometimes does. But most of the time he doesn't do it. He wants something to grab and go. He often ends up buying lunch, when he can't find something easy at home.
If he has a refrigerator and microwave available at work, frozen dinners can work well for grab and go. This is what I often do - grab a drink, a snack and a frozen entrée and I'm out the door. Even canned soup or stew can work. There are some reasonably healthy choices, but of course not like home-made. We used to cook together on weekends to have stuff to take for lunch for at least a few days, but weekend time is precious so we don't do that as often now.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #51 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 10:04 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

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Originally Posted by mrsluvmyhub View Post
Oh and before anyone suggests that he should make his own lunch... well he is capabale of doing that (cooking or making a sandwich) and he sometimes does. But most of the time he doesn't do it. He wants something to grab and go. He often ends up buying lunch, when he can't find something easy at home.
If Acts of Service is one of his top LL, making his lunch may be a valuable use of your time. And perhaps there is some tradeoff where you could stop doing something else to unburden yourself some.

If Quality Time is not high on his list, you spending time watching gaming with him is probably not a valuable use of your time.
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post #52 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 10:50 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

I think the most important thing is to learn what matters to him. Its so easy to fall into the trap of doing things for your partner that *you* care about but they may not.

It can be tricky. My wife is an excellent cook and I thank her for making dinner. The thing is, dinner really isn't important to me so while I appreciate her effort and skill, I try to find a way to let her know that I don't want her to work so hard at it because it means a lot less to me than other things she might do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsluvmyhub View Post
Thank you men for sharing your thoughts! This has given me a lot of things to think about and I am very challenged by some of the traits. I'll definitely be reading through them again a few times. A lot of great ideas to digest. ie. how I can get envolved with his hobbies - computer games (playing and watching YouTube of other people playing) and gardening.

Need to revisit the 5 Love Languages book again as it has been many years. I think hubby was Physical Touch and Acts of Service (definitely not Quality Time, lol).

I cook his dinner (for the whole family) but not any other meals. I have noticed that he is slightly frustrated every work day morning looking for something to take for lunch (that's instant for him to grab and go). I know he would appreciate it (but not express it) if I made his lunch every day. I could do it, as I make the kids' lunch every evening. Need to get over my attitude of not wanting to make his lunch. Not sure why I feel that way though!! Maybe just because it's another thing on my long list of things to be done. I think it will really bless him if I do it regularly. Need to fix my attitude on that!

Perhaps I should make a shortlist of some of the qualities that you all have suggested and ask hubby to priorotise them, to find out which things matter to him the most. I think that will be easier for him than being put on the spot having to think things up.
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post #53 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 03:25 PM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

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Lol...it reminded me of the expression "Shut the f*ck up and get back in the kitchen..! "

See, I don't know but I find it offensive to expect a wife to know how to cook (although it's pretty normal) because it makes me feel like he expects me to be a servant in the house. I'd rather he not mention the cooking thing at all.

But that's me. Nothing wrong with you.
And here I was thinking I was the only one who thought a man who asks or expects it of his woman was offensive. It's the equivalent of also asking "do you do laundry/fold clothes?"

True story: I went on a (first and LAST) date with a handsome man close to 50 years old. He asked if I knew how to cook, I told him no. His reply: "then what good are you? hahaa" I immediately figured out why he was still single. It also gave me a little insight into his mentality and I was also appalled that he actually thought it was funny. Needless to say, I was not amused.
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post #54 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 03:29 PM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

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And here I was thinking I was the only one who thought a man who asks or expects it of his woman was offensive. It's the equivalent of also asking "do you do laundry/fold clothes?"

True story: I went on a (first and LAST) date with a handsome man close to 50 years old. He asked if I knew how to cook, I told him no. His reply: "then what good are you? hahaa" I immediately figured out why he was still single. It also gave me a little insight into his mentality and I was also appalled that he actually thought it was funny. Needless to say, I was not amused.
The correct answer was "I don't know,I've never tried".
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post #55 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 03:47 PM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

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And here I was thinking I was the only one who thought a man who asks or expects it of his woman was offensive. It's the equivalent of also asking "do you do laundry/fold clothes?"

True story: I went on a (first and LAST) date with a handsome man close to 50 years old. He asked if I knew how to cook, I told him no. His reply: "then what good are you? hahaa" I immediately figured out why he was still single. It also gave me a little insight into his mentality and I was also appalled that he actually thought it was funny. Needless to say, I was not amused.
Yeah, he made you feel like your place was in the kitchen.

It'd also be equivalent if you asked him "Do you earn a lot of money? Are you a good provider?"
How would this make him feel?

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.

Last edited by lovelygirl; 04-13-2017 at 03:57 PM.
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post #56 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 03:52 PM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

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Originally Posted by mrsluvmyhub View Post
Thank you men for sharing your thoughts! This has given me a lot of things to think about and I am very challenged by some of the traits. I'll definitely be reading through them again a few times. A lot of great ideas to digest. ie. how I can get envolved with his hobbies - computer games (playing and watching YouTube of other people playing) and gardening.
It's good to engage in hobbies, but do you have some of your own?
Trying to seek his attention and engaging in his hobbies might suffocate him.
He'd be happier if you did things for your own pleasure as well.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #57 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 03:55 PM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

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The correct answer was "I don't know,I've never tried".
Sorry, but i didn't know that there was a "correct" answer to a question like that.
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post #58 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 03:55 PM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

At 15 my ideal wife liked the exact same things as I did (video games and comic books). She didn't talk to other guys because she was too in love with me, she didn't have any friends so she would spend all her time with me. She also had huge boobs.

At 23 my ideal wife was wise enough to see through 'The Man' and would rebel against the system. She would sometimes speak to other guys if she really had to but would always remind them how much she was committed to me, she didn't bother with any friends because we'd spend all our time backpacking around the globe. She too had huge boobs.

At 28 my ideal wife had a good career and was perfectly free from any vices or what I considered negative habits. She would always agree with me, especially in front of other men, and would shower me with praise in front of her family and friends. She would be the perfect mother and be extremely filthy in the bedroom...what with her having huge boobs and all.

At 36 my ideal wife can hold an intelligent conversation, can laugh at our mistakes but is willing to work with me on our marriage and takes pride in our family (whatever shape or form it takes) and what we have accomplished. She has boobs.
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post #59 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 04:01 PM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

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Sorry, but i didn't know that there was a "correct" answer to a question like that.
By giving the answer I suggested it threw his ridiculous question back in his face,his reply would have been funny to hear.
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post #60 of 64 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:32 PM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

I think it is common for people to describe their ideal wife based on what is going on with their current situation that isn't ideal.

If you are short money and your wife doesn't work, then your ideal wife would be one that contributes financially. In my case, we have plenty of money. I don't care that my wife doesn't work. I don't think of money when thinking of an Ideal wife because of our situation.

In my case, I am in a nearly sexless marriage. My ideal wife would desire me and want to have sex two or three times a week. This is very important to me. But if my wife was having sex with me every day, I might feel that sex isn't that important in an ideal wife. I would be wanting something else, that I am not receiving.

People want what they don't have and take for granted what they do have.


My ideal wife would be sexual, affectionate and fun to be around. (all things my current wife is not)

Life is good, then you die!
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