Describe your ideal wife - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:37 AM Thread Starter
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Describe your ideal wife

Men, especially husbands, please describe for me YOUR ideal wife. I don't mean how she looks, I mean how she behaves and how she spends her time, etc.

I really want to be a better wife for my husband, but he doesn't give me any insight when I ask him how I can improve. (There is LOTS of room for improvement, I just don't know what is worth spending time improving.) I think because he is mostly focused on his work and being stressed with that at times, he doesn't really think about where I fall short. That is nice for me, but I want to improve!

We are married 12 years with 4 children 11 and under, 1 not at school yet. I'm a stay at home mum.
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post #2 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:53 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

A wife who is confident in herself. To the point that she doesn't feel she has to improve herself, since she feels she falls short in various ways.

Instead of trying to fix yourself, perhaps you could instead spend some of your time finding other things that capture your imagination and interest.

At the end of the day, I think you should like being you.
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post #3 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:56 AM
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Cool Re: Describe your ideal wife

Ol' Arb's "perfect wife?"

One of exuberance, altruism, confidence, and fearlessness!

She would have to be a most-loving, caring, woman with just a few other built-in caveats: specifically, be educated, articulate, God-loving, and who would never be afraid to ever put me or anybody else in our proper places if our dumba$$ sides ever were to remotely surface!

An "easy-on-the-eyes," "touchy-feely" lady who knows that the God-given gift of sex is to be simply and unselfishly used as an overt expression of the love found deep within her heart; never to be used as any kind of a bargaining chip to further her own causes or agenda!

One who is just as mutually and fiercely faithful to her mate as the day is long!

In pondering this, it sounds like that might possibly be just a tad too close to perfection and greatly makes me wonder if God has yet to create such a woman of that graceful magnitude!

Maybe He'll surprise me well before I'm finally called upon by Him to make that fateful appointment to kick that final "bucket" between the goalposts of life!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 04-11-2017 at 12:16 PM. Reason: Edification
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post #4 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 05:41 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

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Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
Ol' Arb's "perfect wife?"

One of exuberance, altruism, confidence, and fearlessness!

She would have a most-loving, caring, woman with just a few built-in caveats: educated, articulate, God-loving, and who would never be afraid to ever put me in my place if my dumba$$ side ever were to surface!

An "easy-on-the-eyes," "touchy-feely" lady who knows that the God-given gift of sex is to be simply and unselfishly used as an overt expression of the love found deep within her heart; never to be used as any kind of a bargaining chip to further her own causes or agenda!

One who is just as mutually and fiercely faithful to her mate as the day is long!

In pondering this, it sounds like that might possibly be just a tad too close to perfection and greatly makes me wonder if God has yet to create such a woman of that graceful magnitude!

Maybe He'll surprise me well before I'm finally called upon by Him to make that fateful appointment to kick that final "bucket" between the goalposts of life!
That silver tongue of yours is still working well Arb.God help the ladies at your church if you get your second wind.lol.
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post #5 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 05:58 AM
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That silver tongue of yours is still working well Arb. God help the ladies at your church if you get your second wind.lol.
Thanks for those most kind words, Andy!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #6 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 06:04 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

A man wants a wife who is beautiful and always looks her best.
He wants a wife that is a good cook and keeps the house spotless.
He wants a wife to give him beautiful children.
He wants a wife that loves having sex with him and is open to anything in the bedroom.
He wants a wife that earns lots of money and lets him control all the finances.
He wants a wife that is kind,emphatic and just "gets him".
Problem is that's five wives too many.
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post #7 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 06:34 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

Don't concern yourself with being the best wife you can be. Being a wife is just a role and one that will change throughout your life. OTOH you will always be you. Focus on being the best you, you can be. Learn new things, try new things, expand your boundaries and your knowledge.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #8 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 07:59 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

Odo (my husband) says it's all about attitude.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #9 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 08:43 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

A man would like a woman that:

Is a confidante; someone that he can share his fears, and dreams and desires and doubts with, freely, and who equally shares her own with understanding, with purpose and with the idea that I will fight FOR you, I will fight WITH you, but, I will not fight YOU.

Is a friend: someone that he can share hobbies and passions with (albeit still giving room for their own interests), who he can laugh with and commiserate with, who can share a meal and the good conversation, and who realize that conversation is a two way street.

Is a lover: someone that with enthusiasm, frequency and energy makes him feel like a MAN, someone that welcome and CRAVE his advances.

A smart man will make sure that any one of them, never meet the other two.

A very lucky man will find all three of them in the same woman.


It is not really all THAT complicated, is it ?

working on this
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post #10 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 08:54 AM
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post #11 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 09:04 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

If you can look at a photograph and say this is my best friend,and the most beautiful woman I know and the love of my life.
And there is only one person in the photo.
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post #12 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 09:18 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

I would contend that the fact you are TRYING to be the best wife you can be means you are already one of the best. As long as your not being guilted by your husband to believe you need to be better then you are doing. If your are having a guilt trip put on you then please explain as this would change your reasoning for asking and most likely the answers you receive.

Companionship, trust, sex , happiness all "naturally" come together if both partners are equally invested and trying.
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post #13 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 09:21 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

A wife who makes her husband feel special, loved, wanted, and respected.

I would recommend some of the excellent marriage relationship books. "5 Love Languages" first and foremost. "Getting the Love You Want", "His Needs, Her Needs", and "Hold Me Tight" would be some others.

Generally speaking, men want their wife to respect them and to desire them sexually. If he feels that from you he will probably be very happy. Also, men generally need what they call "domestic support", meaning a wife who is good with the house and kids. Men and women seem to naturally have different abilities and awareness of domestic things. This may be a need he isn't consciously aware of but if the home arena is well organized it probably helps him feel "at home" with you. You can certainly organize a to-do list for him so he does his share of the work, but he may need you to organize things rather than wait for him to see the carpet needs to be vacuumed.

Going back to "5 Love Languages", most men are high on Touch and Quality Time. I like the book but it isn't perfect or comprehensive, though it is a great start. Touch can be hugs, sex, holding hands, leaning against him on the couch watching tv, putting your hand on his shoulder if you walk up behind him while he's sitting at the table or using the computer, etc. Quality time is doing stuff with him. So when he goes to the hardware store to get some nails, just go with him! Don't run off in a different direction in the store to get a few things on your list, walk around the store with him to get all the things on both of your lists. Realize that (if he is a Quality Time person) just doing something with you is bonding for him. Walking the dog together. You see it as a chore and would do it alone or send him alone to do it, but if you go together it makes him feel loved.

As a quick editorial note, I think they got sex wrong in "5 Love Languages". Jmho, but sex is a separate category which entails any or all of the other 5. Words of Affirmation can be part of sex. Sex isn't just Touch.

If your husband likes to play a sport, go with him to a game and cheer him on. Or, go to the store with him when he buys a new piece of gear. Show interest when he explains something about it. This Quality Time is very similar to how women need someone to just listen sometimes. You don't want him to fix anything, you just want him to listen and hear you while you tell him about something. Same thing here, just show interest in that thing he is talking about because it will make him feel respected. That's your motivation for being interested. Not that you should feign interest sitting through hours of watching a cricket match every week (I picked the most boring sport I could think of, sorry friends from the UK!). The sport is still his thing, not yours, but he sees you respect his interest and knowledge of it.
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post #14 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 09:37 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

There is a huge variation in this. For me:

I want a wife who wants me but doesn't need me. Someone who is with me out of choice, not because she couldn't leave if she wanted to

I want a wife who loves and respects me, and who I can love and respect.

I want a wife with a sense of adventure, interest in trying new things, going new places.

I want a wife who is smart and interesting.

I want a wife with an occupation that is meaningful.

I want a wife who greatly enjoys sex and is adventuresome in the bedroom.


I have all of those but the last.
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post #15 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 10:06 AM
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Re: Describe your ideal wife

I think about this daily...since my wife is so far from ideal. She would have to be really into me, be my best friend, be a generally friendly person, enjoy being together, enjoy sex, want to do it more than once or twice a month and initiate half the time. She would have to have a successful career, not rely on me for money and want to build a future together with what we both earn. She would also have to be a Christian woman and conduct herself accordingly (not swearing and threatening me and the kids all the time). She would have to be a mother to her children and not their worst enemy. She would also have to keep a clean house.

I'll stop right there since I know this person doesn't exist.
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