Ideal wife has changed? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 03:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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Originally Posted by chillymorn69 View Post
a wife that works won't take all your money if you get a divorce. the good ol days are over. were equals everybody should make their own way in the world.


And everyone should do their own laundry and clean up after themselves and pull their own load.
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post #17 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 03:43 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

A wife for me is simply that. Anything she brought to the table, I obviously accepted because I loved her.

Be she a high earner / career woman or homemaker.

We will work it out.

A woman that can attract me enough to marry her has everything she needs.

The rest is just details.

No hard and fast rules where I'm concerned.

Partners but not identical in all aspects.

I do most of the cooking and she does most of the cleaning.

We both take care of the dog.

We both love screwing each others' brains out.

I have always earned more but if her workday is longer than mine, I have dinner ready and sometimes a mineral bath, waiting for her.

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post #18 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 03:48 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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And everyone should do their own laundry and clean up after themselves and pull their own load.
What are your feelings about housekeepers if it's affordable.
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post #19 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 03:53 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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And I agree with that. But I also think a women loses attraction for men who are lazy, play too many video games, and don't help at all.
Yes! If my XH got off his lazy ass and did some chores instead of spending all his time playing video games, I might still be married.

(His free time was his to do with whatever he pleased, but he apparently the small amount of free time that I had should should have been devoted to cleaning up after him.)

OK, probably not, because he still would have been a turd. Just a turd who cleans up after himself.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #20 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 03:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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What are your feelings about housekeepers if it's affordable.


It depends on what they do. But I think they are great. If they can clean the bathrooms, vacuum/mop. Most people I know who have housekeepers don't get their laundry done.
So there is still the... cooking, cleaning up after cooking, dishes, laundry, general sweep up, wipe down counters, take out garbage, grocery shopping that needs to be done on the regular.

It's probably a good habit to clean up dinner and do the dishes together.
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post #21 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:00 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

Trying to get a short answer out of me is like pulling hens teeth.

But yes, this is what a lot of men want.

We want you to be happy. And, to have your own life and not hang on us.

Not expect us to keep you happy and entertained.

At the same time, when it comes to our belly and balls, you better be ready to take good care of them!

I said it.

It ain't pretty.

Obviously, when men and their wives go on trips and vacations this dynamic changes. It is teamwork, all the way.

I stopped here. There is more to the story.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #22 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

I also think that us women need to stop trying to do it all and make our men step up. I guess it's true that we teach people how to treat us in a way.

I'm going to start to make my husband help me clean up after dinner. That is when we actually have dinner together which is rare.
Right now I'm refusing to fold his laundry and put it away. (He hasn't done it yet, it still lays clean and unfolded in the laundry basket).

I feel like I take on the "help" and I am no longer this sexy self with a life. But it's my fault because I feel like I know he isnt going to do anything so I take it upon myself to do everything. I am really sabotaging myself and I need to stop. I'm a work in progress!
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post #23 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:03 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
now it seems that men want a more independent wife, one that doesn't NEED help, one that has her own life.

It seems my husband is like this. Like he wants me to get a life so to speak, have my own thing going on so he doesn't feel guilty when he's not here. He always tells me he just wants me to be happy, like that is his one need.
I think your husband is a very wise man and you should heed his advice. What he means is he does not want to be the sole source of your happiness.

That you shouldn't be a codependent and realize HAPPINESS COMES FROM WITHIN. It's clear that he has found his inner happiness and wants the same of you.

When you are the sole source of someone's happiness and you let them down, even through no fault of your own, then you doom them to misery and resentment.

It's too much responsibility for any person to have. It's too high a pedestal to sit on. We all have our own lives to lead even married or otherwise. Be a PARTNER in that.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #24 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
Trying to get a short answer out of me is like pulling hens teeth.



But yes, this is what a lot of men want.



We want you to be happy. And, to have your own life and not hang on us.



Not expect us to keep you happy and entertained.



At the same time, when it comes to our belly and balls, you better be ready to take good care of them!



I said it.



It ain't pretty.



Obviously, when men and their wives go on trips and vacations this dynamic changes. It is teamwork, all the way.



I stopped here. There is more to the story.


I have no problem with the balls and belly. I do have a problem with work, clean, belly, balls, kids while looking amazing.
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post #25 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

Isn't a housekeeper equivalent to a lawn mower? Or a snow plower?

If a man mows his own yard and shovels his driveway then I get the women having to deep clean the house. But if you don't do those things, then I think it's fair to have a housekeeper deep clean.
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post #26 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:08 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

JMO - traditional gender roles are probably at least partially with us for many generations. But these are somewhat of a two way street. In general, men want women to do 'most' of the traditional house keep and women want providers and guys who do the manly chores like killing bugs, taking out the trash, etc. (I think we are born with some of this, so it may never go away). I think many times women do way too much, esp around the house and with childcare if both are working full time. However, there are situations where men fall into the same trap (chores for sex).

The solution is to be rational and communicate about what is and isn't working. In my M, my wife does >90% of the cooking. It used to drive her nuts if I came home from work and did anything 'lazy', while she was in the kitchen. (I need to unwind). After discussing stuff, I tend to hang in the kitchen and help out some. Meets her needs for attention and makes me appear 'less' lazy, even though I am not doing much...
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post #27 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:10 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
And everyone should do their own laundry and clean up after themselves and pull their own load.
Or at least pull a load (no jokes). I don't cook my wife wouldn't want to eat the food I cook. My wife doesn't cut the grass. We both do the laundry together. I do the bathrooms and sweep, she dusts and wet mops. Teamwork.

Last edited by sokillme; 04-12-2017 at 04:14 PM.
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post #28 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:11 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
I feel like this whole independent wife who has her own life thing is hard to achieve and casts impossible expectations on women. Maybe I'm wrong?
So we're suppose to be independent, work, confident, have our own life and work, dress nice and whatever, but at the same time we have to cook/clean/take care of the kids, and still have time to look sexy while having wild sex with our husbands all the time. It seems like we have to do everything. Am I wrong?
You are 1/2 right.

I do expect my significant other to come to the table being confident, have her own life, work, dress nice be sexual.

And yes I also expect her to cook clean and help take care of the kids. I also hold myself and should be held to the same standard. I take care of my own kids, I do 1/2 the cleaning and 90% of the cooking. I work, have my own life , and confident. I expect my partner to be the same as me and do and be responsible for 1/2 of everything .
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post #29 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:11 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

This thread is making me feel old fashioned. But ya, I'm not really into super independent women. Give me a 50s housewife any day.


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post #30 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:13 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
I also think that us women need to stop trying to do it all and make our men step up. I guess it's true that we teach people how to treat us in a way.

I'm going to start to make my husband help me clean up after dinner. That is when we actually have dinner together which is rare.
Right now I'm refusing to fold his laundry and put it away. (He hasn't done it yet, it still lays clean and unfolded in the laundry basket).

I feel like I take on the "help" and I am no longer this sexy self with a life. But it's my fault because I feel like I know he isnt going to do anything so I take it upon myself to do everything. I am really sabotaging myself and I need to stop. I'm a work in progress!
You talked to him first about this though right? Because just leaving it in the basket probably ain't going to cut it. Most men are just going to pull the stuff out of the basket when needed. Unfortunately you should have talked about this before you got married. Gonna be harder now.
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