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post #106 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 11:35 AM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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Funny thread. Started off asking about the ideal wife and evolved into a thread about the merits of hiring a housekeeper.
As for the ideal wife? Well, I think we all have our own version of ideal. What might work for me may not work for you. So again the best advice is to just be yourself and you will wind up where you are supposed to be and with the person you are supposed to be. The ideal will be realized
As for housekeepers, groundskeepers etc. My opinion is what a giant waste of money and time. I simply don't understand why so many people live to work rather than work to live. I see so many people chasing the almighty dollar in order to have more and better and then never having the time to enjoy any of it. No thanks, it takes all of about a 1/2 an hour to clean my house. Another hour to do yard work. I throw away more time typing responses on internet forums than it takes to take care of me and whatever messes I make. As far as I am concerned hiring "staff" to maintain your day to day life is just laziness and greed. Such a first world problem.
I take a lot more pride in doing something myself, stepping back and being able to say "I did that", than writing a check to have some one else do it for me.
You are entitled to your opinion of course but with respect I disagree with you on some points.
What you call laziness I call common sense.I start work at 3 am and am normally finished by 5am.
During those two hours I make enough money to pay both my housekeepers.For a year.
I have a very big house,I know you are thinking I don't need it.I DONT need it but I want it.
I can see things I have made myself every day and in all humility there is nobody on this forum who has not used products that I developed.
You have found your level and seem to be happy,allow everyone else to find theirs.
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post #107 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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Having less and doing more of what you love is exactly what I am advocating. So if you don't love yard work, have less yard. Why work 60 hours a week to have a huge yard if you hate yard work? If you are hiring people to do things that you hate doing, then stop having things you hate taking care of. Now that is greed. "Look at me! I have a huge yard with beautiful gardens! I am so special. What? Oh I didn't do any of it, I just pay some one to take care of them, I don't have time. I am too busy!" If something is important to you, you will make the time for it. If it isn't, stop pretending it is and move to a small condo where it isn't a problem anymore


But what if I enjoy my yard? What if my kids love playing in the yard?
You think it's all about looks and trying to impress people. I'm sure some people are like this, but not all.
Having a huge house that barely gets used I can understand it's a waste. Having a huge yard and pool that barely gets used is a waste. But you can't look at a person and say they have a big house and yard and someone takes care of it therefore they are killing themselves at work to afford something they don't use is judgmental.
If someone can afford something who cares what they do with the money. If someone wants to kill them selves at work to impress people with their stuff they never use, well that sucks for them.
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post #108 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:19 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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You are entitled to your opinion of course but with respect I disagree with you on some points.
What you call laziness I call common sense.I start work at 3 am and am normally finished by 5am.
During those two hours I make enough money to pay both my housekeepers.For a year.
I have a very big house,I know you are thinking I don't need it.I DONT need it but I want it.
I can see things I have made myself every day and in all humility there is nobody on this forum who has not used products that I developed.
You have found your level and seem to be happy,allow everyone else to find theirs.
Did I say you should change? I don't recall that I did, nor would I. To each their own. However, if you only work two hours a day, and can't find time to clean up after yourself. I would say, that is pretty much a first world problem. Go and wallow in your excess, heck swim in your gold like Scrooge McDuck for all I care. I still think it is laziness however you justify it.

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post #109 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:23 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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But what if I enjoy my yard? What if my kids love playing in the yard?
You think it's all about looks and trying to impress people. I'm sure some people are like this, but not all.
Having a huge house that barely gets used I can understand it's a waste. Having a huge yard and pool that barely gets used is a waste. But you can't look at a person and say they have a big house and yard and someone takes care of it therefore they are killing themselves at work to afford something they don't use is judgmental.
If someone can afford something who cares what they do with the money. If someone wants to kill them selves at work to impress people with their stuff they never use, well that sucks for them.
I didn't say "they have a big house and yard and someone takes care of it therefore they are killing themselves at work to afford something they don't use " but you sure seem offended by it. Maybe a little too close to home?

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post #110 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:28 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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Did I say you should change? I don't recall that I did, nor would I. To each their own. However, if you only work two hours a day, and can't find time to clean up after yourself. I would say, that is pretty much a first world problem. Go and wallow in your excess, heck swim in your gold like Scrooge McDuck for all I care. I still think it is laziness however you justify it.
Is the green eyed monster coming out here.Frankly your jealousy is unbecoming.Someone has the temerity to voice an opinion which differs from your own and you resort to personal abuse.And as for swimming in my gold do you mean the indoor pool or the outside one.
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post #111 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:33 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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Is the green eyed monster coming out here.Frankly your jealousy is unbecoming.Someone has the temerity to voice an opinion which differs from your own and you resort to personal abuse.And as for swimming in my gold do you mean the indoor pool or the outside one.
You assume so much. I am not jealous. I live my life as I choose to. I make more than enough money to have whatever I want or choose to do with my life. As I said you are free to do the same. But your bragging is very unbecoming and makes one wonder how much is real and how much is made up.

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post #112 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:41 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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You assume so much. I am not jealous. I live my life as I choose to. I make more than enough money to have whatever I want or choose to do with my life. As I said you are free to do the same. But your bragging is very unbecoming and makes one wonder how much is real and how much is made up.
Well I know what I have and what makes me happy.You of course are free to think what you want but I wasn't bragging,I was talking about housekeepers when you made your frankly insulting statements about being lazy and telling me to go swim in my gold like Scrooge McDuck.Now you suggest I'm lying,well if that is not the first resort of a jealous man I don't know what is.But as you said to each his own.
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post #113 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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I didn't say "they have a big house and yard and someone takes care of it therefore they are killing themselves at work to afford something they don't use " but you sure seem offended by it. Maybe a little too close to home?

Not even close. I live in a crappy condo and do everything. I hire no one.
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post #114 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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Did I say you should change? I don't recall that I did, nor would I. To each their own. However, if you only work two hours a day, and can't find time to clean up after yourself. I would say, that is pretty much a first world problem. Go and wallow in your excess, heck swim in your gold like Scrooge McDuck for all I care. I still think it is laziness however you justify it.


You don't get it. He can find the time to care for his house but he doesn't want to. I don't understand why that is not understood.

Some people get manicures because they don't want to do their own nails. Some people get haircuts because they don't want to cut their own hair. Some people go to a car wash because they don't want to do it themselves. Some people buy their own clothes because they don't want to make their own. Some people buy food because they don't want to grow their own.
I don't understand what you don't get about this concept.

Yea first world problems is right. We all have them, including you. While your on your computer arguing with strangers on a forum about how we choose to spend our own money and free time is first world problems.
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post #115 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:19 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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You don't get it. He can find the time to care for his house but he doesn't want to. I don't understand why that is not understood.

Some people get manicures because they don't want to do their own nails. Some people get haircuts because they don't want to cut their own hair. Some people go to a car wash because they don't want to do it themselves. Some people buy their own clothes because they don't want to make their own. Some people buy food because they don't want to grow their own.
I don't understand what you don't get about this concept.

Yea first world problems is right. We all have them, including you. While your on your computer arguing with strangers on a forum about how we choose to spend our own money and free time is first world problems.
No, you see I do get it. But I am not the one who is offended by having my first world problems pointed out to me. I absolutely agree that these are first world problems. And believe me my first world problems are different than yours and Andy's, just as his and yours are from mine. I stated an opinion, you and he are free to disagree as I have stated any number of times. But it won't change my opinion.
In fact the whole idea of an "ideal" wife is a first world problem. When we were living at a subsidence level, the ideal wife was one who could drop a kid in the field and get back to digging potatoes. Now it might be some one has their nails done and is fluent in sexting.

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Last edited by Ynot; 04-13-2017 at 01:23 PM.
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post #116 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:20 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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I didn't want to hijack this thread so I'm starting a new one...

It seems that what a man wants in a wife has changes throughout the years. I remember learning/thinking/seeing that men kinda wanted a subservient type of wife. One that worked less, was available to him and the family, one that tended to the home and children. And now it seems that men want a more independent wife, one that doesn't NEED help, one that has her own life.

It seems my husband is like this. Like he wants me to get a life so to speak, have my own thing going on so he doesn't feel guilty when he's not here. He always tells me he just wants me to be happy, like that is his one need. My friend recently got married, and she's this good girl, Christian, virgin, never lived together blah blah. And she is was telling me she is learning how to be a wife to a very laid back husband. It's like she doesn't know what to do, and she wants to do something to please him. I told her it would probably make him happy to see her get her own life so to speak. Anyway, she thinks this notion is really weird and she can't really adjust to it.

Men... am I wrong in thinking this is what you want?
In your particular situation- I think your husband is telling you this because he wants to know that he doesn't have to worry about filling that need for you, since he has so much on his plate right now. I think he's trying to tell you - "I love you, but I just can't fill that void in your life the way you need me to right now." I am sure he has a lot of guilt about his inability to put as much time and effort into his marriage as he would like, and if he saw you building a life for yourself outside of him it would likely lessen his guilt.

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post #117 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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No, you see I do get it. But I am not the one who is offended by having my first world problems pointed out to me. I absolutely agree that these are first world problems. And believe me my first world problems are different than yours and Andy's, just as his and yours are from mine. I stated an opinion, you and he are free to disagree as I have stated any number of times. But it won't change my opinion.
In fact the whole idea of an "ideal" wife is a first world problem. When we were living at a subsidence level, the ideal wife was one who could drop a kid in the field and get back to digging potatoes. Now it might be some one has their nails done and is fluent in sexting.


It's your reference to greed, laziness, and comparisons to Scrooge that is offensive to me, not the first world problems which we all have.
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post #118 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:32 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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No, you see I do get it. But I am not the one who is offended by having my first world problems pointed out to me. I absolutely agree that these are first world problems. And believe me my first world problems are different than yours and Andy's, just as his and yours are from mine. I stated an opinion, you and he are free to disagree as I have stated any number of times. But it won't change my opinion.
In fact the whole idea of an "ideal" wife is a first world problem. When we were living at a subsidence level, the ideal wife was one who could drop a kid in the field and get back to digging potatoes. Now it might be some one has their nails done and is fluent in sexting.
Ok let's call a truce.Your last post reminded me of something.I have relatives in Scotland and a great aunt of mine died and as I was in the UK at the time my Dad asked me to go to the funeral.It was in a small village in the highlands and it took me hours to find the place.I went up to the bereaved husband and sympathised with him in the churchyard and he looked at the coffin and said sadly"aye,she was a great worker".
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post #119 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:39 PM
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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It's your reference to greed, laziness, and comparisons to Scrooge that is offensive to me, not the first world problems which we all have.
Actually greed, laziness and excessive wealth are first world problems. In places other than the first world, the greedy get killed, the lazy starve and excessive wealth doesn't exist. So unless you take offense to the first world most of us live in, you shouldn't take offense to our problems

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post #120 of 156 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ideal wife has changed?

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Actually greed, laziness and excessive wealth are first world problems. In places other than the first world, the greedy get killed, the lazy starve and excessive wealth doesn't exist. So unless you take offense to the first world most of us live in, you shouldn't take offense to our problems


God help me.
Ok um... in 2-3rd world places there are huge HUGE excesses in wealth.
We don't live in a 3rd world country and working hard and making money Doesn't mean your greedy. Saying someone is greedy because they have money and a big yard is offensive. Saying someone is greedy in general is offensive.
Just because you pay someone to take care of your house and yard doesn't mean your lazy. Taking care of your house does not mean your not lazy.
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