Was This A **** Test? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:09 AM
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Re: Was This A **** Test?

She may feel insecure,she may feel her parenting skills are being diminished or at least questioned by the op,she may even have been embarrassed by the op or even scared of confrontation with the teenagers.
On the other hand she may just have been in a bad mood and took it out on the op and when she was called out on it she couldn't let it go.I do think her calling after him when he took the dogs out may have been her way of breaking the deadlock.
Or she may be a *****.
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post #32 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:20 AM
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Re: Was This A **** Test?

She clearly trusts you, OP. Use that opening to help her address her issues in healthier ways.

And be willing to address your own issues, too. That is setting a good example for her.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #33 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:36 AM
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Re: Was This A **** Test?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Celtic View Post


@jb02157 My man, you nailed it, the whole 'don't rock the boat' mentality can be freaking exhausting sometimes. I know not to embarrass her by causing a huge scene but when it comes to ignoring bad behaviour, I can't be a passive sheep either. How do you cope with it from your wife?
Don't look at it as rocking the boat. Look at it as "choosing your battles". Some things in life are just not worth the argument. In this case, Affaircare is right. Return with a funny answer such as "And stay off my grass" or "Hopefully you will not need to issue a silver alert for me" would be best. I used the silver alert once on my W. Got a laugh out of it later.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #34 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:39 PM
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Re: Was This A **** Test?

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@*Deidre* Thank you. I do like the idea of keeping it simple like that but I think what's irked me was her need to bring it up a second time today, like she wanted that extra dig before I forgot about the whole thing.

@jb02157 My man, you nailed it, the whole 'don't rock the boat' mentality can be freaking exhausting sometimes. I know not to embarrass her by causing a huge scene but when it comes to ignoring bad behaviour, I can't be a passive sheep either. How do you cope with it from your wife?

@Affaircare Thank you for that, it makes sense in what you say and I can see how it would work. I do like the response "You're right! And I expect men to act like gentlemen and women to be ladylike too!" but just to come up with something nearly as effective (at the time) would be a huge benefit. I think that I tend to defend myself without realising so I need to change this mindset pronto. Just to be clear; am I to show her how ludicrous her response to my normal behaviour is or how ludicrous it is for me to react in the first place?

@Andy1001 I was just kidding with that one. She just wants us to be unnaturally alike while I don't fear us being different and sometimes I can sense that playing on her mind.
I wait until we're alone and I tell her how much I disagree with her. My views are going to be different than everyone else's sometimes and I expect her not to call me out in front of others at those times until we can discuss it privately. I don't purposefully try to embarrass her in public and I expect the same from her. We've had this discussion several times and apparently she still doesn't get it. Not that it doesn't surprise me, she's really never learned how to behave like a respectable person in public.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #35 of 35 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:55 PM
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Re: Was This A **** Test?

Only way to stop a bully is to stand up to them.

My ex used to berate me in public. I didn't want to create a scene and would just hush her up the best I could.

At the end of my marriage when I finally didn't give a crap and read No More Mr Nice Guy, I started sticking up for myself. That meant responding to her crazy off the wall comments immediately and so everyone could hear me. I'll never let someone treat me the way she did again. Ugh, makes me so mad thinking about it! I honestly don't know I didn't knock her teeth out looking back. I totally get how DV can happen.
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