a weigh scale for Xmas? wtf?

amanda1959 · 01-04-2012, 07:22 PM

My husband bought a weigh scale for "the family" for Xmas. He has been hinting around the fact that I have gained weight and I have since our seperation last year. I am 52 but not unatrractive or obese by an means. There was a previous thread about him pocket dialing me three weeks ago when he was in Vegas. He accidently called our home number and left a recording of himself and a co-worker talking about a womans huge boobs at a convention they were at. We had a very large blow up about that VM because it is him talking extensively about how big her "topography" was when he was talking to her. Fastward to Xmas and he buys a weigh scale. Now I am resentful that he is encouraging me to lose weight. He asks if I should be eating something (pistachios while watching TV).

I am feeling more and more resentful towards him. He has balded over the years yet says he can't help that. I could nag him about the hair on his back and his yellow teeth as well as his current income but I don't. The issues resulting in the seperation were extreme and quite traumatic also leaving me feeling not good enough. He blames my mother for these feelings I have because she was demanding while I was leaving at home.

Do you think I warrant the feelings of not feeling good enough when I have caught him several times talking and looking at large chested woman and then buying a weigh scale at Xmas and hinting I need to lose weight.

What is going on here really? Is this love...he says he wants me to be healthy and not get fat like my sister. We are taling 15 lbs here due to middle age and lack of excercise thats all.

He makes me feel bad about myself.

AnewBeginning · 01-04-2012, 07:36 PM

wow....maybe buy him some of that rogaine foam and give it to him and compliment other men when you are out with him and say how sexy their hair is??!! Just kidding! That was kinda rude. I can see if you guys were planning some kind of family "healthier lifestyle" that the whole family was going to do, but to just buy you a scale and say that you've gained some weight?? I think that is rude. And only 15 pounds?? Honey i'm 31 and since having my son 2 1/2 yrs ago I still have about 25lbs to get rid of!! 15lbs is nothing. I'm sure you are beautiful and he should be appreciating you no matter what size you are!

amanda1959 · 01-04-2012, 07:43 PM

I just feel that everything he has put us through the last three years makes me VERY resentful for feeling inadequate for him right now. I am not really that fat I think this is more about him then me. I think he really desires other woman and he wants me to look like them. I don't expect that from him. He looks fine to me balding and yellow teeth and all. He's not perfect either why is he so intent on having a perfect wife?

AnewBeginning · 01-04-2012, 07:47 PM

Are you guys separated now or were you before. And if so what was the reason for it if you don't mind me asking. Maybe he is having a mid life crisis or being influenced by some of the men he works with? Men can be total a-holes when they are with other men trying to show off

amanda1959 · 01-04-2012, 07:59 PM

we seperated because i found a set a pictures on our home computer of him that were meant for a profile on a swinger website and then I broke into his hotmail account and found out he was meeting men to receive oral sex. The marriage imploded from that point on. We seperated for a year and are now together again for the last 6 months. The VM message found on our home phone of him talking about a womans big boobs set us into another tail spin and now the weight loss issues are leaving me feeling so deflated and inadequate.

AnewBeginning · 01-04-2012, 08:04 PM

oh my. that would be heartbreaking! I'm sorry you went through that! Has he stopped completely and are you sure that he isn't still doing things like that and hiding it from you? I know myself that it would be really hard to be able to trust him if he did something like that. He really needs to work on rebuilding your trust with him and not pulling stunts like this

amanda1959 · 01-04-2012, 08:12 PM

I feel the marriage broke down mainly because of his gross acts. I will never fully trust the man ever again and try to cope on a daily basis. The recent pocket dial on our VM reconfirmed his character although I am rationalizing it as "guy talk"....but it still hurts to hear. ..and now he wants me to lose weight. I feel he should be working harder at winning me back. A weight scale at Xmas is really making me think what am I doing here?

AnewBeginning · 01-04-2012, 08:16 PM

I agree with you. it sounds like he is one of those men that thinks he always deserves better and nothing is ever good enough. I'm sorry to say that, please don't get offended because I don't know him or you, but that is kinda what it sounds like. But I definately think that you deserve better than that!! You should be made to feel special, not inadiquite.

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby · 01-04-2012, 08:18 PM

What a cheap blow as a gift. I really don't understand men, so I really don't know if he knew how bad it would make you feel. Geeze, I'm really sorry.

Recieving oral and "just looking" are two very different things. Just looking is okay as long as there are no intentions of receiving/having sex of any kind. Talking to others about other women would imply to me that he is not putting a lot effort into saving your marriage. I would of blown up also. Your feelings of being inadequate are very understandable. Your husband needs to learn how to have respect for you. I do wish you the best. The scale is such a low blow. I'd be horrified if my husband gifted me in that manner, even if I didn't have a spine injury and was able to exercise. I just don't see any respect given to you.
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Homemaker_Numero_Uno · 01-04-2012, 08:22 PM

Sledge hammer to the thing will make you feel better than posting, much cheaper than therapy.
Ahhhhh, but I've matured since my wedding and engagement ring smashing days...
You could drive by a Goodwill drop off and leave it there if you are of the sort that likes to recycle things.
OR
My first thought was to return it and buy yourself some lingerie with the $.
ORRRRRRRR
Return it for money and take the money to a food pantry or a soup kitchen and donate the cash.

Enchantment · 01-04-2012, 08:28 PM

Hi amanda ~

Are you two in any kind of counseling since his cheating and the reconciliation? I think that as the one that stepped out, so to speak, he should be doing some really serious heavy lifting as part of the reconciliation to show that he is committed to the marriage.

And the scale that he referred to as a 'family gift'. I would take it back and get something that the whole 'family' could really enjoy.

Best wishes.

Trenton · 01-04-2012, 08:31 PM

In just reading more of what you've been through...I highly recommend you leave him for good. You DESERVE BETTER. NO DOUBT.

amanda1959 · 01-04-2012, 08:42 PM

I am "weighing" my options...when I break it down it always comes back to a lack of respect. I came back into the marriage with an openness and moving forward attitude...however just not feeling he is in it for the right reasons anymore. It feels strained. I don't think I am what he "really" wants and desires anymore and this is how it manifests itself. He wants me to look like a Victoria Secret model. That is not going to happen is it? I think I will go to therapy again.

EleGirl · 01-04-2012, 08:46 PM

Amanda,

Well you could try the Victoria Secrets thing... go get a complete make over, act like an entitled model and make sure to spend a lot of money on your new make over and wardrobe. I now of a woman who did this and it turned her marriage around.

Either try that or leave him. At least if you did the makeover first you'd be a hot babe with a new look and wardrobe.

heartsbeating · 01-04-2012, 09:12 PM

I see the men have stayed clear of this one lol.

Did you tell him (calmly) how you felt about the scale? I can't even imagine something like this happening to me, to be honest. If it did, I can tell you that scale would get returned to the store pronto!

Losing weight and supporting each others goals is one thing. Being inconsiderate and imo, disrespectful, is another thing entirely. I do believe it's important to keep our spouses attracted to us (physically and mentally) but reading your other threads, it doesn't sound like you're being treated well at all. Put a stop to it. Demonstrate how you expect to be treated.

It sounds you have lost your confidence. I don't know how you build that up again, but I'd imagine it's just one step at a time with remembering your own self-worth and implementing positive behaviors that show this. Don't let yourself be a victim. If something isn't cool with you, then express that to him. And I don't mean scream and throw a tantrum. It's about being in control of yourself, answering to yourself, and knowing you deserve more than this. If you want to lose weight, then do it. Don't fall into the trap of playing victim to resentment either - try not to emotionally eat "I'll show him" and gain even more weight. Treat yourself with respect and love, in all aspects of your life. Sure, easier said than done but still doable.