Originally Posted by Trying2getitRIGHT View Post
I talked to her today. She is very unhappy that she is so heavy while ive lost 60 lbs. She feels very insecure. She said she was sorry she didnt realize she was treating me that way. I get the feeling she tries to pull away to get me to go back to chasing her and trying to please her, but idk. She says she does not feel sexy or feel good about herself "weight", im guessing that has some bearing on her. Since we talked today its been better, but we will see. She is very intimidated im looking so good while shes stuck. She has asked if i am still attracted to her. She thinks im going to go get a skinny little thing. Im a very loyal man, dont look at porn or anything. I let her know i have eyes for her only.
A couple of thoughts. First as part of your Get a Life program and weight loss what sports have you taken up?
Has your wife every been interested in any exercise programs or sports?
One of Dr. Harley's Marriage Builders concepts is shared recreational activities. For example I know some couples that golf together weekly, others that go bowling, others that play bridge, others that do western line dancing, others who go to flea markets or auctions, go wine tasting, go bicycling, go running, go swimming, go hiking, go for "walks on the beach,"......you get the picture.
What group activities could you do with your wife? What activities could you include your kids on? You can take small children on walks in a stroller, or on bike seat carriers or pull behind bike trailers.
Figure out how to help your wife, without directing her in her weight loss fitness program.
I remember a call in radio show where a woman complained about her husband not being able to loose weight and the talk show personality said that it is impossible to motivate a man to loose weight, as he has to want to do it. Someone called in and said no; it is so easy. It is easy because he is your husband and you know him, his wants and desires and what you don't let him have.
The caller said that she told her husband that for every 5 pounds he lost, he could buy her a sexy outfit to wear in the bedroom and she would model it and strut around and then jump into bed with it on. The caller said she had to tell her husband to slow down as she was afraid he was loosing weight too fast.
Obviously, that will probably not work for your wife. But the point is you are her husband. Be supportive. Ask her how you can be supportive.
Can you take the kids so she can have a night at the gym once or twice a week. Can you and your kids got on a Nutra-system diet with her? Are there some motivational rewards that would help her support her weight loss plan (spa days for each 5 points, new outfit with shoes for each 10 pounds, a cruise or family vacation someplace she wants to go when she reaches her weight loss goal). Are there any recreational activities, walking, riding bikes, jogging, hiking, that she might enjoy with you and/or the kids?
Tell her you are proud that she wants to work on improving herself as you want her to live a really long time so the two of you can grow old together and loosing weight and getting a healthier lifestyle will improve the odds a lot.
Again, this has to be her choice, her plan, and you are there to support, motivate and reward her.
P.S. Congratulations on dropping out of the nice guy club! Not an easy thing to do.