Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?
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Old 01-05-2012, 04:35 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

In many cases child support obligations are so extreme that a person could hardly survive after paying out. I've met guys with payments so high that I've asked them how do they even eat. I truly believe that dead beat parents have ruined it for the better parent. I can't just limit this to men because women are affected too.

Someone told me that parents that pay child support sometimes pay so much because the courts use a portion of those funds to cover payments to the parent of children of nonpaying parents. Another person told me that the payments may be extreme if the custodial parent is receiving welfare benefits because part of the payment is covering those costs.

I personally think it's a mess if the payments are so high that the custodial parent doesn't even have to work. Is that really child support or support altogether? I've always thought that child support was intended to provide for the child, but if the payments are so extreme that the rewarded parent don't have to provide on their part then the payments are more than child support. Is this fair?

This is why so many men view children as financial punishments. Some don't love their children any less as a result, but they still feel as though they're being punished.

Child support can be so intimidating to men without children that they refuse to have any children out of fear of having to pay such high amounts.

I do understand the perspective of the single parents out there whose spouses don't contribute anything towards the support of their children. I know that must be frustrating and hard. However, why should the supportive parent have to pay so much for support? Especially when they're buying the child's necessities (shoes, clothes, etc.) in addition to paying support. Isn't it a problem when the custodial parent doesn't even have to work because they're receiving so much in child support payments?

Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

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Old 01-05-2012, 04:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

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Originally Posted by R.J. View Post
In many cases child support obligations are so extreme that a person could hardly survive after paying out. I've met guys with payments so high that I've asked them how do they even eat. I truly believe that dead beat parents have ruined it for the better parent. I can't just limit this to men because women are affected too.

Someone told me that parents that pay child support sometimes pay so much because the courts use a portion of those funds to cover payments to the parent of children of nonpaying parents. Another person told me that the payments may be extreme if the custodial parent is receiving welfare benefits because part of the payment is covering those costs.

I personally think it's a mess if the payments are so high that the custodial parent doesn't even have to work. Is that really child support or support altogether? I've always thought that child support was intended to provide for the child, but if the payments are so extreme that the rewarded parent don't have to provide on their part then the payments are more than child support. Is this fair?

This is why so many men view children as financial punishments. Some don't love their children any less as a result, but they still feel as though they're being punished.

Child support can be so intimidating to men without children that they refuse to have any children out of fear of having to pay such high amounts.

I do understand the perspective of the single parents out there whose spouses don't contribute anything towards the support of their children. I know that must be frustrating and hard. However, why should the supportive parent have to pay so much for support? Especially when they're buying the child's necessities (shoes, clothes, etc.) in addition to paying support. Isn't it a problem when the custodial parent doesn't even have to work because their receiving so much in child support payments?

Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?
No. Neither is spousal support. The payments are set up as to what the court deems to be fair. Custody is the last outpost of gender based inequality and even that is under attack.
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Old 01-05-2012, 06:44 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

I like the way Canada does it. Child support payments are based solely on what the paying parent makes in wages. So if the paying parent has a low paying job, their payments are lower. It isn't based on what the custodial parent makes, unless there's a very large discrepancy. The paying parent is also never responsible for buying the necessities of life for the children. Things can be worked out as far as program fees and things, but the custodial parent is expected to pay for food, shelter etc.

Of course if there's no court order in place, anything can happen. Even when there is a court order in place, anything can happen. My ex owes me over $65,000.00 right now which I never expect to see.
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Old 01-05-2012, 07:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

Correct me if I am wrong but isn't CS based on a percentage of the non-custodial parents income? So say they pay $1200 a month for two kids, it is because that spouse can afford to pay it. If they are making only $1200 a month, it would be something like $200 a month. I don't see this as punishment at all. In fact, try raising a child or two on child support. I see countless people who struggle to do so and the only ones who really lose out are the kids.
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Old 01-05-2012, 08:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

Yes you're correct that the court determines the amount of income that the non-custodial parent must pay based off of their income, but it's ridiculous what some of those percentages are.

My buddy gross' $40k/yr. He has 2 children and pays a total of $1000 in child support for both. If you consider what he has left after all the taxes, other obligations are taken out of his check, and the $1000 child support payment that he has to pay that's ridiculous. He's freakin poor. And his children's mother SITS ON HER A$$ ALL DAY and don't do anything. If you consider she lives in a 1 bedroom trailer with 1000 other people, $1000 is alot of money in that situation.

He has been back to court several times begging them to lower the payments because he's hardly making it, but his problem is that he doesn't have a lawyer. The courts aren't trying to hear him without a lawyer and he just doesn't understand all the documents needed to start the process and who gets which document etc..

It's a big mess so for now he's stuck paying support unless he quits, loses his license, and gets a warrant put out for his arrest.
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Old 01-05-2012, 08:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

Doesn't matter. People don't have to pay.

My dad didn't pay my whole life...he had to do a backpay check...but...is child support a punishment? Only if not paid.
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Old 01-05-2012, 08:16 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

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Yes you're correct that the court determines the amount of income that the non-custodial parent must pay based off of their income, but it's ridiculous what some of those percentages are.

My buddy gross' $40k/yr. He has 2 children and pays a total of $1000 in child support for both. If you consider what he has left after all the taxes, other obligations are taken out of his check, and the $1000 child support payment that he has to pay that's ridiculous. He's freakin poor. And his children's mother SITS ON HER A$$ ALL DAY and don't do anything. If you consider she lives in a 1 bedroom trailer with 1000 other people, $1000 is alot of money in that situation.
Unfortunately there are stories like that. There are plenty more however of the custodial parent getting $1000 a month for two kids who need braces/sports equipment/clothes/food/shelter/car to ride in/school supplies/birthday party gifts, etc. I honestly do not know a single person getting child support (both men and women) who profited from it. Kids are pricey just for the basics.
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Old 01-05-2012, 08:24 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

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Unfortunately there are stories like that. There are plenty more however of the custodial parent getting $1000 a month for two kids who need braces/sports equipment/clothes/food/shelter/car to ride in/school supplies/birthday party gifts, etc. I honestly do not know a single person getting child support (both men and women) who profited from it. Kids are pricey just for the basics.
What if the non-custodial parent is buying school supplies EVERY semester of school, sending shoes each time b-mama call to say they're too small, sending clothes every few months because b-mama claims they no longer fit, etc. My friend is doing more than paying child support. He does tons more that I think the child support should be covering.
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Old 01-05-2012, 08:30 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

Ask my dad how punished he was. He paid child support to my ex stepmom but, owed my mom over $50,000. He was a mine manager making big bucks, his child support payment?......$160 a month for me.
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Old 01-05-2012, 09:15 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

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What if the non-custodial parent is buying school supplies EVERY semester of school, sending shoes each time b-mama call to say they're too small, sending clothes every few months because b-mama claims they no longer fit, etc. My friend is doing more than paying child support. He does tons more that I think the child support should be covering.
He is not required by the court to do this so he can say no. That's what the 1000 is for. He should talk to legal aid and see if someone there could help him he might be able to count those costs towards his payments.

Child support goes to pay for housing, utilities,clothes,food,medical, etc. Etc.
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Old 01-05-2012, 10:08 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

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What if the non-custodial parent is buying school supplies EVERY semester of school, sending shoes each time b-mama call to say they're too small, sending clothes every few months because b-mama claims they no longer fit, etc. My friend is doing more than paying child support. He does tons more that I think the child support should be covering.
They're his kids. Kids can cost money. If what he pays only covers rent (to have more than one bedroom) and food and bills, then he should pay for shoes, clothes, etc if mom can't afford it.

Seriously. The support isn't just for clothes, etc. It's for LIVING.
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Old 01-05-2012, 10:54 PM   #12 (permalink)
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They're his kids. Kids can cost money. If what he pays only covers rent (to have more than one bedroom) and food and bills, then he should pay for shoes, clothes, etc if mom can't afford it.

Seriously. The support isn't just for clothes, etc. It's for LIVING.
I'm sorry. It works two ways. I just don't think that he should have to cough up so much money just because he doesn't have sole custody of the children. I could see if he wasn't contributing in their lives at all, but he is contributing, actively involved, & paying child support. The mother doesn't even work! Come on. Its not fair & when your life is set up this way, it feels like a punishment.

I'm a woman & I feel so bad for some guys who pay high amounts of child support that I don't see myself ever putting a man on those payments. I really think in some cases it's pure robbery.
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Old 01-05-2012, 11:00 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

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They're his kids. Kids can cost money. If what he pays only covers rent (to have more than one bedroom) and food and bills, then he should pay for shoes, clothes, etc if mom can't afford it.

Seriously. The support isn't just for clothes, etc. It's for LIVING.
But this is not right. Mom has to 'pay' as well. I pay a certain amount each month according to court records, but since I am the custodial parent I can't cut myself a check. Letting her get away with not paying her fair share is like its saying its ok for the dad not to pay if he can't afford it. Its an unfair double standard.

He is responsible for the court ordered amount, no more or less.

However most parents will cover the slacking of the other to make sure the kids are taken care of. I do it as I haven't seen a dime in over 3 years. Being able to keep reciepts for what he buys to count towards his monthly amount would help here, if the court will let him.
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Old 01-05-2012, 11:02 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

Its not really up to you wether or nt there is child suport, the court decides the payments. They do it automatically.
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Old 01-05-2012, 11:15 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Are child support payments set up to be a punishment?

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Someone told me that parents that pay child support sometimes pay so much because the courts use a portion of those funds to cover payments to the parent of children of nonpaying parents.
The above are not true.
Another person told me that the payments may be extreme if the custodial parent is receiving welfare benefits because part of the payment is covering those costs. [/QUOTE]
When a custodial parent gets welfare for their children.. the child support they receive is considered in the welfare & food stamp determination. They get less based on the support. In some cases the non-custodial parent does not always pay support when required so welfare is given and then the state will take some of the child support, when paid to offset the support they had to give during the time when no support was given. Children need a roof over their heads and food even when the paying parent choses to not pay support.

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I personally think it's a mess if the payments are so high that the custodial parent doesn't even have to work. Is that really child support or support altogether? I've always thought that child support was intended to provide for the child, but if the payments are so extreme that the rewarded parent don't have to provide on their part then the payments are more than child support. Is this fair?
Wed have to look at specific cases to see if this is true. It might be the case that the parent paying child support was living above their means and ran up debt. And now they complain that the child support is too high, when in reality its the debt that they ran up that is the problem.

I have never heard of child support payments so high that the custodial parent could completely live off of them.
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