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Defrauding a person into having a child

8K views 68 replies 33 participants last post by  MAJDEATH 
#1 ·
This has to be grounds for divorce, right? My wife has been pregnant three times, and each time she intentionally sabotaged her birth control after I explicitly said I did not want her to be pregnant. She has admitted as much, of course, after we got married.

She doesn't see any issue with this behavior, always implying "well you love the kids, don't you? So what's the problem?" Like I was in the wrong to say I didn't want to have children, and she was correcting my error for me.

And before people say "oh you should have not had sex then" well I would be fine if she took her damn birth control as intended and the (very long-shot) odds spit out a child. I knew the risk of that and was willing to accept it. I didn't know the risk so I was not able to make an informed decision.

She begged and pleaded for a baby. I always countered with a firm NO and several reasons why not. But my opinion on whether or not my life would be handed over to another person for eighteen plus years was not important, I guess.
 
#3 ·
The two of you should not have married in the first place.

It is cruel to deny a woman babies when that's what she wants.

And it's just wrong to purposely get pregnant when the husband does not want children.

When did she admit that she did this? Did you know before you had he second child? (How many children do you have?)
 
#9 ·
This is absolutely true. This is a foundational difference of what each wants from the marriage and you two are diametrically opposed. This marriage will by its nature deny one person happiness, turns out it is you that shall not get his way. I would carefully consider how you would explain the D to your children.
 
#7 ·
My first thought after reading your post was "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". Knowing that your wife was capable of sabotaging her birth control to get pregnant, you should have taken on the responsibility of birth control after the first child. Condoms are not full proof but they are better than nothing at all. Vasectomy was also an option. What are you doing now to prevent #4?
 
#11 ·
Sounds like she lied to you and got pregnant to trap you, after knowing how you felt. But then you should of never married knowing she wanted kids and you didn't at the time.

Grounds for divorce, well that is up to you and if you feel like it is then it is. But you will still be paying for the kids until they reach 18 something to keep in mind.
 
#12 ·
you state nothing other than irreconcilable differences as a grounds for divorce.

Your decision to procreate or not was always in your hands, so to speak.
 
#13 ·
In my house, we ended up with one more than I initially wanted (my pref was to stop at 2), but once #3 was conceived, I got with the program right quick. And the marriage returned quickly to original strength.

He is now about to graduate high school and I'm really going to miss him when he heads to college.

OP--please don't let the spite you feel towards your spouse drive you to deny yourself the joy that is possible. You're responsible either way, so you may as well enjoy the fatherhood rather than just being a reluctant child support check.

And you can hardly play the victim at this point. After the first one, maybe, but 3? You knew what the score was.

Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, shame on me!

(fool me three times? nobody's come up with a line for that one yet, but at that point, the responsibility is squarely on the fool!)
 
#17 ·
So i guess you're entitled to risk free, unprotected sex as a man..... that's what I'm getting from you.
Low risk. If used correctly, the chance of becoming pregnant while on birth control pills is very low. I accept that risk. Just like if I go outside when it is storming. I know I COULD get hit by lightning. But it's a small chance.

However, if I found my wife had filled my backpack with iron to make it much more likely I'd be hit, I would be angry. Would you?

Don't want more kids? Get snipped.
While I haven't looked into it, I assume such a procedure costs money. As a person who has nearly died twice because I didn't have the money to seek out treatment, I can assure you that any procedure that costs money is not an option.

Even if she wasn't sabotaging her birth control why should she have to pump herself full of hormones because you can't take responsibility for your own fertility?

It takes two.
As I said earlier, the woman is the gatekeeper. I have no interest in having sex with her, she can just not try to get me to have sex with her and the problem is solved. However, she entices me and I have no choice. She is the one behaving badly.
 
#18 ·
In the United States, the grounds for divorce are "I want one". I am unaware of any state that views fault.

In any courtroom I've been a party to, if this were an actual admissible case, her culpability in the first child would probably be accepted. But on the second and third, you'd receive quite the grilling on your awareness of, and use of, birth control methods that do not depend on the woman's choices.
 
#24 ·
If you want marginal legal advice you should call Handel on the Law.

1. No reason is necessary to divorce.

2. Check to see if there is even such a thing as parental entrapment in your state. Dollars to donuts say there isn't. Even if there is you still retain all rights and obligations as a parent.

3. Blame avoidance isn't usually helpful.
 
#26 ·
To me, conceiving a child by deliberate deception (by either a man or woman's actions) is an appalling thing to do. Maybe its my perspective as an (obviously) unwanted child, but doing that to a child, or the other parent is terrible. I classify it with rape as a potentially life ruining action.

I would instantly leave any relationship where that was attempted. I'd pay required child support, but cut all other contact with the other person. It most certainly would not happen a second time.

Here by deception, I mean taking some covert action to conceive when fully aware that your partner didn't want a child.
 
#27 ·
I'm becoming more and more of the red pill type. My wife claimed she was on birth control and gee it must of failed because magically she got pregnant. Anyway, I had zero desire to have babies and having sex isn't my my idea of giving "silent consent". To ensure this never happens again, I got snipped.

Best freaking decision I ever made. And I also did it without her permission, zero f's given.
 
#28 ·
I'm of the firm opinion that if you do not want to be a parent, then you should take measures to ensure that you do not become one. Whether the "you" in question is male or female. If you don't want a baby, take responsibility for seeing that you don't have one! Particularly if the person you'd foolishly left it up to the first time around let you down in that regard.
 
#30 ·
Mistakes happen, and it sounds like OP accepts that. However, if she deliberately sabotaged her birth control regimen because he wasn't yet ready for children, she is a conniving, duplicitous, lying PoS and he should divorce her if that's his inclination. I certainly wouldn't trust her to be honest in the future about birth control - or anything else.
 
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#35 ·
If you are a man, then you are familiar with the fact that, once a certain point of arousal has been reached, the animal instincts take over and there is no higher mental function until after the act is completed. If you ask the man his name he will not be able to tell you, as that is a brain function and those switch off during sex.

I didn't know women were unfamiliar with this fact.
 
#46 ·
@Todd Haberdasher, in your post in the thread about the sweet "boring" girl, you say, "I married "safe". I know my wife will never leave me or cheat on me. She will always have a reasonably tasty meal waiting for me. She will be a good mother. But there is nothing remotely interesting about her and every conversation is a giant chore."

Ha!Ha! Maybe your wife isn't so sweet and boring afterall!
 
#48 ·
Well HERE'S a crazy thought.

Instead of selfishly demanding that SHE inject chemicals into her body over and over and over again because you don't want any more kids, how about YOU actually taking responsibility for contraception?

Yes, I know it's a whole new concept for you, isn't it? It always is for selfish schmucks who just want the fun without the responsibility.

Go to your doctor and get a damned vasectomy. You don't want kids? Then take responsibility for it and stop your selfish, cowardly whining.
 
#55 ·
By this logic, I could have put holes in all my condoms and it would be HER fault if she got pregnant, because SHE should have taken responsibility for contraception. Too bad if we agreed that I'd take care of contraception when she's not on any, and too bad that she trusts me to be honest and responsible about using those condoms. Oh well, tough luck!

Believe me, I too think the OP is an ass-wipe and a can short of a six-pack, but he's not wrong about her lying, cheating behavior.
 
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#53 ·
I agree with you partly on this. If a women tells me that she is on the pill then I believe that is she was not; that should be a crime. It's the same as asking if you have had a STD check and you say yes and I'm clean. But never went to check. This is a crime. True that he is a grow person and is responsible to a point. Bu if your doing your homework and asking the right questions and getting answers, well what else can you do.
 
#54 ·
I agree with you partly on this. If a women tells me that she is on the pill then I believe that is she was not; that should be a crime. It's the same as asking if you have had a STD check and you say yes and I'm clean. But never went to check. This is a crime. True that he is a grow person and is responsible to a point. Bu if your doing your homework and asking the right questions and getting answers, well what else can you do.
Actually take responsibility over your own body? Take preventative measures until you have actual proof that what your partner is saying is true - you know - Trust but verify? And, most importantly, don't keep making the same mistakes over and over again expecting different results. That's the definition of insanity.
 
#57 ·
I agree, @Rowan. He learned of her deception AFTER the second pregnancy, so at that point it became his responsibility to deal with it. I did say that he does not sound like the brightest bulb on the tree, but I think his lack of action here is beyond dim.
 
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