've thought about doing some sort of counseling for a while now but didn't feel like my problems warranted such measures. I also didn't want to give the wrong impression to my wife. I'm not an unhappy person. I've just been struggling in the relationship with my wife through no real fault of hers.
She is the same person I married 9 years ago though she's matured mentally and emotionally a great deal which only adds to the strength of the relationship. The problem is a lack of physical attraction and there's no real desire for intimacy with her on my part. I feel like a terrible person for saying this, but she has put on 70 lbs since we've been married and the physical attraction just isn't what it once was. I still love her (at least I think I do), but i feel like love isn't enough sometimes. And again, this isn't her fault. She's born two children, has hypothyroidism which makes it incredibly hard to lose weight, and is predisposed through genetics to store extra calories rather than metabolize it. She is a very active person and I don't feel like it's my place to ask her to do more. We eat very well compared to the average american. We eat out maybe once every two weeks, only eat lean meats, and our portion sizes are actually really conservative. She goes to the gym 3 times a week and is active throughout the day every day. She's doing everything I could ask her to do to help the situation, it's just not working. I find my self looking at other women more and more often, and wishing... again, I feel terrible. This is a significant source of stress for me and not something I can talk with my wife about as it directly involves areas of her life that I know she struggles with and can't easily change.
We still are occasionally intimate, maybe once a week or once every other. But the fire and the drive is gone completely. So I ask, does attraction to your spouse come from the love you have for them? Or are they two entirely separate entities? And how can one increase their attraction to someone they love?
She is the same person I married 9 years ago though she's matured mentally and emotionally a great deal which only adds to the strength of the relationship. The problem is a lack of physical attraction and there's no real desire for intimacy with her on my part. I feel like a terrible person for saying this, but she has put on 70 lbs since we've been married and the physical attraction just isn't what it once was. I still love her (at least I think I do), but i feel like love isn't enough sometimes. And again, this isn't her fault. She's born two children, has hypothyroidism which makes it incredibly hard to lose weight, and is predisposed through genetics to store extra calories rather than metabolize it. She is a very active person and I don't feel like it's my place to ask her to do more. We eat very well compared to the average american. We eat out maybe once every two weeks, only eat lean meats, and our portion sizes are actually really conservative. She goes to the gym 3 times a week and is active throughout the day every day. She's doing everything I could ask her to do to help the situation, it's just not working. I find my self looking at other women more and more often, and wishing... again, I feel terrible. This is a significant source of stress for me and not something I can talk with my wife about as it directly involves areas of her life that I know she struggles with and can't easily change.
We still are occasionally intimate, maybe once a week or once every other. But the fire and the drive is gone completely. So I ask, does attraction to your spouse come from the love you have for them? Or are they two entirely separate entities? And how can one increase their attraction to someone they love?