My wife is more sexperienced then me - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 04:21 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

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Originally Posted by CuddleBug View Post
Be happy, maybe get some help and rock her world. Flowers, cards, surprise dinners, back massages, cuddles on the couch watching movies, weekend get away, etc.

I see nothing wrong with the lady you are involved with. Be very grateful and enjoy.
I am doing this now last 3-4 days, I try to be a better husband, I am giving her some attention that I stopped, and I can see that she is happy with it, and in that makes me happy. I guess that I have some kind of depression which triggers my anger, but now as I am happier, I am not distirbed with her past as I ussed to be.

As they say - happy wife happy life happy husband. And I will find a job outside, so I am not at home all the day with her, it is bad for both of us. We don't have a time to miss each other.
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post #47 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 04:34 AM
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

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First let me get just one thing straight. I don't mind she just having more partners then me. There is no much problems in numbers, I had 3 girls, she had 6 guys. That is not a big difference. The problem is in the kind of relationship she had. 3 of them were nothing else than sex. She was with one older guy who can be her father, when she was in college, it ended the way it was only sex because she wanted to hide with him, although all of her friends disapproved it. Later he didn't wanted for him to be his girlfriend, she thinks it was because he was hurt for she not wanting it at the begining. And it continued that way for some time. And she was with some guy for 18 months, and he said he don't want a girlfriend, just sex. She was hurt with that relationship, she wanted something more all the time, but also I think that she enjoyed the both of them the way they was because she has a high libido.

She didn't rocked my world with her experience. She rocked it with her high libido, we could just stay in appartment for 6 hours and have sex, for 5 days in a row.

Now, when I look at that time, when I had problems with those things, when I was dissapointed with her, and when I wanted to talk about it, to clear things, she didn't really wanted to talk and argue about that. In the end of every try to talk with her, we just had wild sex again. And yes, maybe I did misunderstood lust and love. I see that now. She loved me, but she used a wrong ways to make me love her. When I start to argue, she just hug me and says I love you, I love you, I love you, and a minute later she was on me taking her dress of and saying **** me. Or she would get on her knees and giving me a bj. Or she was laying down saying "rip off my panties". After she had orgasm, she would started crying, huging me and saying she love me. You can see now how condom broke.

Before she got pregnant, I even broke up with her twice because I was strugling with her past relationship, but after few days she would call me crying, saying that she loves me, we would see each other, and you can guess how it finished. I took responsibility for making her pregnant, I did loved her, but deep down I know that we would eventualy broke up if things wasnt like this.

Later, in pregnancy, and after labor, up until now, whe hardly had any sex. After labor we didn't had sex for half a year, and now it is finaly getting back in normal, we sometimes have sex once or twice a week. I know that is normal, and I tryed really hard to understand that. You know that sometimes partners who are together for several years have a problem with sex after child, it made them for us who were in such a young relationship.

Now I struggle with my self, I do love my wife, I do love my son, I know that she is deeply sorry for what she did in her past relationships, but still they hurt me. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I made a mistake for not leaving her before she got pregnant, but I need to take consequences for my actions. Our child deserves it. I am trying now not to think about it, to not regret for what I missed in life, and to be a good husband and father. I enjoy my son smile, I am trying not to make my wife feel bad, but to show her love. I will give my self time to trully fall in love in my wife, nonetheless of her past, she has some other really good qualities, and I should stop looking in the bad one beside all of good ones.

At least I know that she tryed everything, and that she know now what she wants, that she would not cheat on me. She is really great mother to our child. Maybe when her libido get back to normal it would be better, I don't know, maybe I just miss that wild sex we had back then, that girl I fall in love with.

The only true issue is in my head, and I need to sort things with myself, I need to grow up here. There was trully some constructive criticism here which helped me to see some things clearly, and thank you for that, it helped a lot. I will give myself more time, to evolve this relationship in somethig better, I will not rush my self into decisions, but in the end, if I trully can't get over it, it is best for us and for our child to split.
Let me tell you something my friend,six previous partners is not a high number in this day and age.Your wife has been completely open and honest with you (maybe too honest) and you are making her feel guilty about something she can do absolutely nothing about.Why have you been thinking she would cheat on you,she hasn't cheated on anyone before.Your problems are all solvable if you want them to be but do you?
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post #48 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 05:15 AM
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

OK, try to look at her past relationships from a young girls perspective.

First off sex is fun correct? Everybody wants to have sex, especially when you're young and your hormones are raging. She meets a guy and likes the guy, she is attracted to the guy and wants him for a boyfriend, but he only comes around for sex. So she keeps having sex with him, why not? She likes it, he likes it, and she hopes that over time he will want more than just sex. She liked the sex but was also using it as a tool to keep the guy coming back hoping it would turn into a relationship. Honestly that is just a misguided youth learning about life.

Let me ask you this OP. When you were twenty years old didn't you want to have sex all the time? Wouldn't you have been thrilled to have some woman who wanted to come over every night for sex? Would you have did the same as your wife given the opportunity?

One other thing I want to say is people have a tendency to over dramatize and obsess. I think you are caught in this mental trap right now, you know in reality what she did was not that big a deal, yet you can't let it go. I suspect something triggered these thoughts and that's what needs to be dealt with because there's no chance of changing her past. You love her and said she's a great mom, don't self destruct your life. Talk talk talk this out, with your wife, with a friend, with a family member, or with a therapist. As you admit she did nothing truly wrong, the issue is you obsessing about the past.
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post #49 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 07:08 AM
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

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Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
I personally don't understand being bothered by how many men she's slept with. I don't ask women that I date how many guys they've been with, because I just don't care. Instead I simply care that I am having really good sex with them. So instead of focusing on another person's past (which can't be changed) I focus on the present and make sure it is an enjoyable relationship. Maybe you can try to focus on the present and future instead of the past?
My opinion - it's rarely the number of people one has been with that's the real issue, or even sex in general. It's really the experiences one has had in relation to one's partner. A similar jealousy can be attributed to virtually anything, if the balance is off somewhere.

Case in point, I've been married twice. This used to bother my (current) wife, as I was her first marriage. For her, she is my second wife, and she always will be. It's not easy to be someone's second spouse when you're their first.

I'm also fairly well-travelled, and my wife is not. I want to share a lot of the places I've been with her, but she'd much rather go to places neither of us have gone before. She'd rather create our own memories. She knows all of the places I've travelled before, and many of them were with my ex wife.

And in reverse, she's far more experienced relationship-wise and sexually than I am, so there's not a lot of new experiences we can share together in that regard. There are things I've never experienced or tried before, and she already knows she doesn't like them, for example. And the things she IS into, that were new to me - well, she obviously figured out she liked them with someone else. Oh well. Sucks for me, but it is what it is.

But that's adulthood. Sometimes you have to reach to find something neither of you have experienced before, in order to create your own memories.

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
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post #50 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 07:13 AM
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

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As they say - happy wife happy life.
I nearly sick up when I hear this.

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(Funny how the reporting goes through the roof when it's about gender-specific issues)
I like what ShesStillGotIt posts. But unfortunately, I miss half of it while I'm banned 50% of the time for posting with similar vigor from a male perspective.
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post #51 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 07:22 AM
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

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She has told me I was the best she ever had. Obviously a lie, but its sweet of her to tell me that, and we did have a really good time together.
Off topic, but why is it obviously a lie? Because she's had lots of partners before and since, so there's no way in your mind you could possibly have been the best?

Duuude... you and I are so similar in so many ways (similar issues, same wife practically) but this mindset is a killer. It's also one I had always been susceptible to.

My problem was always that I analyze things (OVER analyze...), so when somebody paid me a compliment, I never just took it, and said 'thanks'. I would always start thinking about WHY that person said that, and arrive at the conclusion that they were just being nice, didn't really mean it, felt sorry for me, whatever.

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
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post #52 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 07:35 AM
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

@nos you are not really explaining the exact issues that are going here.

1. You want more sex with your wife. You want it more than once a week.

2. You get rejected and lash out by being felt inferior because she happily gave her exes nothing but sex but cannot do the same for you.

Yet you fail to understand that your wife didn't have children with these men and didn't have responsibilities at the time.

You keep talking about the past but it's actually the present which is bothering you. If your wife didn't reject your advances for sex and initiated more, well you wouldn't care less about her past. Is that correct?

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post #53 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 07:57 AM
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

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Dear nos;

The past is the past. You asked her to marry you for a reason. She agreed to marry you for a reason. She didn't marry any of those other guys, she choose you as her husband.

Look, you could have married a virgin who has horrible sexual hang-ups and been on this forum complaining about a woman who was just clueless when it came to sex.

Start looking at her past as something positive. Look at it as her sharing things with you that you would have never known. That she loves you and she make a very informed decision when she decided that you were going to be her husband and exclusive sex partner for the rest of her life.

Good luck.
The OP has stated his reason for marrying in post #21. She became pregnant and he is now unsure if she is the "right" woman for him. He feels trapped in a marriage and feels he has "settled" due to his child. We seem to be either missing this fact or ignoring it for purposes I fail to comprehend. Her past experiences is a straw he grasped when looking for reasons to go find what he has missed.

OP, what exactly have you missed in your estimation? More women, better women, taller women, shorter women? What exactly. I can assure you that there are a large number of people that would trade places with you in an instant. Your W is multi-orgasmic, has an incredibly high libido, that may or may not fully return after childbirth by the way, she provides you fellatio, goes for 6 hours at a time, has orgasms if you tear her panties off, treats you well, is a good mother and wife, has integrity and loyality and often hugs you and cries while saying "I love you" repeatedly. What is it that you could possibly think you are missing?

Is it that she is too easy. Let me relate a story from my past. I had an uncle that very much enjoyed to fish for Bass. I never did much of that growing up as my father was too busy and always working but I digress. My uncle offered to take me and show me how to fish for bass and I happily agreed. My first encounter was quite a learning experience and I caught a few small fish. I was busy with a young family at the time so I did not have a lot of opportunity to go fishing but I carried a pole and tackle in my work truck just in case I happened upon a lake and had a few minutes to kill. Over the next few months I had a couple of occasions to wet my line. It was on possibly my third or fourth time and only on my second cast that the water exploded at my top water plug and I reared back on the pole and began to reel. I landed what was approximately a 10-11 pound monster. I admired the fish and tossed it back in the lake. It was too easy.

On only my third or fourth trip and only my second cast? I assumed that this is how bass fishing was and that I would catch another lunker in a few moree trips. Needless to say I have never caught another that even came close to that one and that was over three decades ago. I had a once in a lifetime catch and did not know it because I did not realize how rare a catch like that was. If you are missing anything it is that, the knowledge of how rare your catch is. Consider it.

Peace and long life
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post #54 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 08:33 AM
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

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come on topic. If someone needs advice, send him/her private message.
Arguing with a Moderator's post. Good idea...
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post #55 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 08:45 AM
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

@alexm - I suspect it's really a confidence issue. If both people are confident in themselves and their relationship then they don't see the need to compare. I suspect that if the OP was more confident in himself then he wouldn't care about her past and instead he'd focus on the present and future with his wife. His depression is probably hampering this.
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post #56 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 09:48 AM
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

Don't get me wrong, I think I'm good - because I really enjoy pleasing women, but the odds that I was the best are pretty small....especially since I was so inexperienced (but well read...) at the time.

I didn't mean my comment negatively - just being realistic.

If I am really that good, then my wife is missing out....

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Off topic, but why is it obviously a lie? Because she's had lots of partners before and since, so there's no way in your mind you could possibly have been the best?

Duuude... you and I are so similar in so many ways (similar issues, same wife practically) but this mindset is a killer. It's also one I had always been susceptible to.

My problem was always that I analyze things (OVER analyze...), so when somebody paid me a compliment, I never just took it, and said 'thanks'. I would always start thinking about WHY that person said that, and arrive at the conclusion that they were just being nice, didn't really mean it, felt sorry for me, whatever.
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post #57 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 09:52 AM
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

It can be a moral issue too. If someone was promiscuous in the past it makes you wonder if they are going to do it again or if they are more likely to want variety and therefore cheat. Makes an individual want to tread carefully.

On a side note: What is this "she/he chose you" stuff? lol. How do you know he/she wasn't dumped by all the past lovers and you were the only one that said "I do"? Or all the past lovers weren't complete losers so she/he not choosing them over you is not really a compliment. lmao. Just wondering.

Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.
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post #58 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 10:42 AM
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

OP you were trapped by her manipulation - manipulation that others broke free of. She ignored all your concerns and sexed you up instead of allowing you to have a voice in your relationship. Most young guys will fall for this basic manipulation.

You didn't break free in time.

Now that she has manipulated and hooked you, she was able to stop sex almost completely (on a relative scale).

Yes, you've been taken for a sucker. Yes it's bait and switch.

The sex in the past sounds like manipulation instead of just enjoyment. She tried to get the old guy to buy the cow very hard but in the end failed. That appears to be the problem you have with her sex past. It's disingenuous and you ended up in her trap.

If you REALLY want to turn this into a good relationship for you, you must seek MC and she must seek IC. She is damaged goods. You are too passive.

You must start to talk honestly about how you feel and what you might want - though I suspect you don't know because she's kept you guessing all this time.

MC will provide a neutral coach (though you may need to see several to find a good one) and you guys need to start honest communication

I also think you guys need to fully reset your sex life. If you want it wild like it was then it's VERY ok to stick with that need regardless of what she says. Your needs are at least as important as hers and since that is what you had prior to marriage, it's very ok to work toward that and ultimately leave if it can't happen. Manipulation and bait and switch DO NOT make a good foundation for marriage


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post #59 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 02:08 PM
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

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Don't get me wrong, I think I'm good - because I really enjoy pleasing women, but the odds that I was the best are pretty small....especially since I was so inexperienced (but well read...) at the time.

I didn't mean my comment negatively - just being realistic.

If I am really that good, then my wife is missing out....
Trust me - it's subjective! My ex wife would probably say I was the worst she's ever had. My current wife says I'm the best.

One major difference between the two? My current wife loves me and feels secure.

Your ex gf ain't talking about your technique She clearly had a pretty solid bond with you. Possibly only sexual, but I doubt it...

If a woman I'd dated 20 years ago told me I was the best she's ever had, I'd think she was telling me that because a) it was true and b) I may have been "the one who got away" in her eyes.

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
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post #60 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 02:50 PM
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Re: My wife is more sexperienced then me

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....and your point would be...?
You can help others without being nasty.

I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude!
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