So my wife has been pressuring me about kids lately. My stance is currently "let's get to marriage counseling, improve our relationship, and then talk kids". So far, so good. But there's a twist to this story... In all of my wife's pressuring about kids, it has come to light that she wouldn't want to carry a child--she wants a surrogate mother instead. My understanding is that the surrogate is her preference, instead of being something that's medically necessary.
If I use my imagination and picture my marriage as actually working out (seems a stretch, but OK), this news alone is somewhat devastating. She mentioned that she might not want kids before we got married, but never mentioned possibly wanting to have kids without carrying them. Big surprise to me.
Why am I devastated? Well, I have a lot of presumably typical expectations about my wife carrying a baby, from the baby-making sex to the child delivery process. Missing out on these things deepens my feelings that I'm being cheated out of basic joys in my marriage. And furthermore, since sex is infrequent in my marriage, where sometimes there's a month or more of missed connections, this whole surrogacy bit is making me feel like I'm just good for a paycheck, doing chores around the house, running errands, and lastly, a sperm donation at the local fertility clinic.
Purpose of this thread is to understand how other married men feel about surrogate mothers vs. the wife carrying their child. Does this matter to you? If so, why? Or, are you indifferent?
If I use my imagination and picture my marriage as actually working out (seems a stretch, but OK), this news alone is somewhat devastating. She mentioned that she might not want kids before we got married, but never mentioned possibly wanting to have kids without carrying them. Big surprise to me.
Why am I devastated? Well, I have a lot of presumably typical expectations about my wife carrying a baby, from the baby-making sex to the child delivery process. Missing out on these things deepens my feelings that I'm being cheated out of basic joys in my marriage. And furthermore, since sex is infrequent in my marriage, where sometimes there's a month or more of missed connections, this whole surrogacy bit is making me feel like I'm just good for a paycheck, doing chores around the house, running errands, and lastly, a sperm donation at the local fertility clinic.
Purpose of this thread is to understand how other married men feel about surrogate mothers vs. the wife carrying their child. Does this matter to you? If so, why? Or, are you indifferent?