I can't say that I agree with her, but I can't say that I disagree with everything she is saying either. I agree with putting family and home before career. When I am really old I want to look back in my life and say that the thing that I am the proudest of in my life is my family! Not my career. I want to have a big famly and be the kind of family that eats dinner together every night. I don't want my kids being raised by baby-sitters because "mom's career is too important for her to attend my soccer game". But that's just me.
With that said my husband is FAR from rich! lol His school loans are 4x bigger than mine and right now I am focusing on my career. We don't have kids. We don't own a house and we don't even have a car yet (don't really need it in the city anyways) But we both have a lot of potential. I want to create a good life for us and our future kids together with my husband. However, I want to know that I am married to a driven man that can have a salary that can take care of all of us if we decide that I should take a 10 year break from my career to stay home while the kids are young.
I didn't see that she said she would only marry for money. She said that she wanted a successful man as a partner among other things . I guess I don't see this any differently than a woman saying she would want a man of a certain religion or a man of a certain height. She wants security for her future family and she values a financially successful man. I've met men who wouldn't marry a woman who wasn't successful or a woman who was overweight. It's a preference really and she was honest about it. Granted her wording was a bit crass.
but I can't argue with staying in your income class while looking for a mate.which i think kinda happens on its own for the most part.
I agree. Water reaches its own level. People marry their equal for the most part.
The woman in this article is educated/driven and wants similar. Also, she is in NYC. $300k there isn't much. I don't think that makes her a gold digger at all. I mean if we are honest, would you want to marry someone who had little to show after say 10 years of working? Would you want to marry someone who was fiscally irresponsible and had maxed out every credit card they had? Also, are her preferences really different then say a man who wants a hot looking wife? I don't think so.
Can I assume then that you are also a "1%er"? 300k is a lot, anywhere in the US, New Your City included.
How are my finances relevant to this discussion?
My point was, she is a driven woman who wants financial security in her marriage. Is she any different than a woman who wants a tall man or a man who has blue eyes? No.
Yes, $300k is a lot. Not there though. Not only is it the most expensive city to live in in the U.S., residents also have to pay income tax to the city of New York, the state of New York and of course the IRS. Heck, rent alone on average for a one bedroom apartment is $3800.
I don't see her as any different than say a man who wants a blonde wife or a wife with a Master's degree.
My point was, she is a driven woman who wants financial security in her marriage. Is she any different than a woman who wants a tall man or a man who has blue eyes? No.
Yes, $300k is a lot. Not there though. Not only is it the most expensive city to live in in the U.S., residents also have to pay income tax to the city of New York, the state of New York and of course the IRS. Heck, rent alone on average for a one bedroom apartment is $3800.
I don't see her as any different than say a man who wants a blonde wife or a wife with a Master's degree.
I prepare tax returns for a living.
I once prepared one for a gal, I also knew personally, who lived in Manhatten and made right around $300 a year.
As I recall, 70k went to the Fed, 20K went to NY state, and 10k went to the city.
So she had 200k left in after tax income.
I recall her rent for a modest 1 bedroom with a doorman in a modest building on Park ave was right around $3500 month.
$3500 x 12 = $42,000
So after taxes and rent she still had $158,000.
That's not living meager.
I also know she liked to dress well and eat out at nice places almost every night, go out and take expensive vacations.
Maybe that is "normal" in New York City, but she was living quite well compared to most people.
I once prepared one for a gal, I also knew personally, who lived in Manhatten and made right around $300 a year.
As I recall, 70k went to the Fed, 20K went to NY state, and 10k went to the city.
So she had 200k left in after tax income.
I recall her rent for a modest 1 bedroom with a doorman in a modest building on Park ave was right around $3500 month.
$3500 x 12 = $42,000
So after taxes and rent she still had $158,000.
That's not living meager.
I also know she liked to dress well and eat out at nice places almost every night, go out and take expensive vacations.
Maybe that is "normal" in New York City, but she was living quite well compared to most people.
I work in accounting as well. I am NOT suggesting that that is chump change in most of America, I am saying it is in NYC. Add in a kid and she would go broke. Health insurance for a child, day care/nanny....she wouldn't have much left. Park Avenue for $3500? Was this in the 1970's?
The woman in this article was saying just that. She wants financial security and I don't think she is evil for stating as such. I just don't. Again, is it evil for a woman to say she only wants a certain body type or for a man to say he only wants a certain breast size? Come on. We are attracted to who we are. It doesn't make us awful. It only makes us bad if we refuse to admit it and trick someone in to believing they are what we want under some false pretense.
This woman was honest and the fact that she had to write this article under a false name speaks volumes. Had she said "I only want a rugby player body and red hair" she would have been lauded as being truthful to her desires. Because she spoke of money, she is viewed as a gold digger and shallow.
Because she spoke of money, she is viewed as a gold digger and shallow.
I think this hits a nerve with men for a number of reasons. Nothing seems more unfair to a young guy than to know that you are invisible to some women just because of wealth, which we must admit that many are just plain born into. It took me a few years to get to the place where I could see that starting out broke saved me at least some potential heartache, because someone who starts out with those standards is probably less likely to put up with a guy who has it and then loses it due to misfortune.
I went back to my home state nearly a year ago to attend my aunt's funeral. She was well respected, so many of the classmates from high school were there. Have to admit that I felt that same feelings for some of the ones who would never consider dating someone who wasn't born into money. But in the conversation before the wake, I noticed that the average one of them probably got no more than three sentences into a discussion without mentioning her husband's income, the size of their house, and their last vacation, and I realized that my world was indeed very small then, and I felt stupid for ever even sparing a thought. Okay ... to be honest, when one of the women in my class mentioned that her husband made a certain amount, which she considered impressive in that region, I mentioned that I was sure that she could be creative and find a way to make ends meet ... somehow.
I think this hits a nerve with men for a number of reasons. Nothing seems more unfair to a young guy than to know that you are invisible to some women just because of wealth, which we must admit that many are just plain born into. It took me a few years to get to the place where I could see that starting out broke saved me at least some potential heartache, because someone who starts out with those standards is probably less likely to put up with a guy who has it and then loses it due to misfortune.
I went back to my home state nearly a year ago to attend my aunt's funeral. She was well respected, so many of the classmates from high school were there. Have to admit that I felt that same feelings for some of the ones who would never consider dating someone who wasn't born into money. But in the conversation before the wake, I noticed that the average one of them probably got no more than three sentences into a discussion without mentioning her husband's income, the size of their house, and their last vacation, and I realized that my world was indeed very small then, and I felt stupid for ever even sparing a thought. Okay ... to be honest, when one of the women in my class mentioned that her husband made a certain amount, which she considered impressive in that region, I mentioned that I was sure that she could be creative and find a way to make ends meet ... somehow.
I am not talking about being born in to money. What I am saying is is it wrong for the woman who wrote the article to want a man who is successful and strive to be the very best? It sounds like she is willing to do the same. I just don't see this as gold digging.
I am NOT talking about those who are born in to wealth. Come on. Most are not, they earn it.
Honestly, I don't many women who would pass up a guy with aspirations or drive. Just as I don't know many men who would pass up a woman with intelligence and a goal.
What you are talking about is a woman who tosses a guy aside simply because he wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Those women are not who I am talking about.
Come on Halien. I know about your childhood and you know about mine. What I am saying is that for all the struggles I went through to get to the point that I am now, I do not nor should I apologize for wanting to and marrying a man with goals/dreams and the ability to make his happen. Nor should he apologize for marrying a smart and intelligent woman who is his "right hand person".
I'm not justifying bitterness towards the standards some women hold. Just pointing out that some guys are pretty sensitive to this. It can be a hot button issue in some regions, so we can bring baggage into the whole discussion. It speaks volumes about our roots. Often, a guy who will think nothing of these comments will probably come from middle class to upper middle class families, I think. Or maybe from a very diverse region. Those who work had to climb out of poverty will often prefer to hear those regards spoken of in terms of work ethic. In my high school, a woman would be more likely to say that she wanted a husband who could stay out of jail.
This is the sort of woman I'd advise my friends to lie to about their incomes.
She's looking to use you - use her instead.
How could one possibly feel guilty about that?
People like this generally lack any sort of desire to see anything deeper in life than what's on the surface. I have a feeling she's more comfortable talking about Louboutin than The Leviathan .
Can't imagine she'd stick around with you if/when things got tough either. Because then she doesn't have her "security"
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Re: Marrying for money 
