But you get what I mean bro, that's exactly how I feel when I'm being vulnerable and emotional with my wife. Makes me feel sick.
i think i sort of felt the same way as you to some degree.
it cost me the only woman i have been in love with.
wish i had been able to change it before now.
But you get what I mean bro, that's exactly how I feel when I'm being vulnerable and emotional with my wife. Makes me feel sick.
Next time you catch yourself getting emotional, rush out to the garage, shotgun a couple beers, change the oil in your car, bench press the nearest heavy object (you car, if necessary) then build a shed.
That ought to even things out. Posted via Mobile Device
For me showing love and affection can be selfish at times, like what the missus does jutting into my space! But now I don't know... I just don't understand her, she should be backing off with all this constant lovey doveys, but she's not... yet. I don't know... I'm thinking too much.
What the hell is oversensitivity anyways? Actually, what the hell IS sensitivity? I've only been called insensitive so I assume the other two are just the opposite of what I've been doing.
As for fretting about whether or not I'm acting wimpy I'd rather face the difficult questions that others are simply too wimp to even ask.
NOOOOOOO!!! He is the only person I will never get sick of it from. Before him I couldn't connect with a human being in a meaningful way. I'm really good at feeling the feelings of others but have quite a difficult time feeling my own. We could psychoanalyze this till we're blue in the face but it comes down to that he makes me feel safe to do this.
I hope to have him in my life from now until the day I die and I hope he always adores me and makes me feel like I am the best thing in the world.
You're right about not fretting over whether you're too sensitive or not sensitive enough. Allow yourself to be yourself, be authentic. When you have two people that feel safe being their authentic selves you have a true partnership. The games don't count. It's what everyone wants but no one has found the recipe for.
Why do you feel like you have to be vulnerable and emotional all the time with her?
Hubs and I spend a TON of good times together but he's not all emotional or vulnerable. Maybe 5% of the time.
The rest of the time we're gaming together or chillin together talkin politics haha or other things that interest us.
Can't you just chill with your wife? that's the best part of marriage...to me. Having someone to chill with when the kids go to bed. We have to much fun.. We bought "heavy rain" and we're getting into it. No emotions or vulnerability.
Next time you catch yourself getting emotional, rush out to the garage, shotgun a couple beers, change the oil in your car, bench press the nearest heavy object (you car, if necessary) then build a shed.
That ought to even things out. Posted via Mobile Device
Hubs and I spend our evenings in the garage. Sometimes I take my laptop while he works on cars, or my sketch pad and we just chill and talk...or we work on cars together...or play our video games. All in the garage. With beer. Good shet.
Why do you feel like you have to be vulnerable and emotional all the time with her?
I don't believe I should even BE vulnerable OR emotional with her. Unless I'm making something up to her where the situation warrants some affection to heal up and make up. Her idea of marriage is a freakin fairytale. We just had a short fight about this at lunch.
Quote:
The rest of the time we're gaming together or chillin together talkin politics haha or other things that interest us.
Ok update... so I decided to bring our little honeymoon to a bit of balance... I'm not hardening myself up again but just pulling both our heads outta the clouds for a while. But seems we had a short little fight in the process at lunch.
I told her that we both need our space, I need my space, she needs her space, then she replies that she doesn't need space with me and wants us to be closer to each other. I replied saying that we ARE close to each other, but we shouldn't be too wrapped around each other and she asked "why not?" (what is she? a kid?!) and I told her that it's because we're still two individuals and we need healthy space by ourselves, and she replied that we're two married individuals and then I told her 'that's the point, we're still individuals', and then she accused me of trying to push her away and asked me what's wrong and I told her nothing is wrong... then she asked me if I"m sick of her already, or that is there something I'm hiding and not telling her.
I told her I'm telling her everything already and that I just feel that we need some distance to function because even though we're married we have to learn to still be functional when apart and then she got p-ssed a bit and asked me what I meant when I used the word "apart" and so I repeated myself saying we just need some time apart so we don't jut into each other's lives and she asked me if that's how I feel about our relationship that we're jutting into each other's lives and then I told her "it's not that" and she told me "that's what you're saying!" and I told her "FFS you're getting me all wrong!"
Then she said "you're getting us all wrong!" and that we shouldn't push each other away for space, and I just facepalmed as we're going in circles and sighed. I told her we're getting nowhere and let's just forget it, but then she calmed down too and asked me what's wrong (again)... and so I just told her that it's just not my style to be like how I have been with her since new years and she looked rather disappointed. Damn that look... meh.
Oh well, I had to head back to work, she's probably going to start a fight once I get home, joy!
Sucks to be her. What's wrong with wanting a fairy tale marriage anyway? You create your own and it's what I call happily, unhappily everafter. I wish you would get it right for her and for yourself. So much wasted time.
I'm just very VERY confused about what is the right thing to do
BTW 2ndtimeisbest... you mentioned if you would have changed, can you really guarantee that she would be happy if you do it - in the short term sure, but how about long term? For me I'm confused because this is going against the rules of the game. That's what I'm being confused about!
Trenton... I have too much doubts, paranoia, self-reliance, different experiences, and pride to give my wife this fairytale marriage that she seems to want. Everything in me is resisting it! How did your husband go through it? And I still don't understand how you simply didn't get sick of him being beta...
>.<
Quote:
If you can't properly explain it yourself, maybe you should print out the "Feeling soft" thread and show it to her.
1Likes
Re: She's defying my reality... 
