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Old 01-28-2012, 07:49 PM   #181 (permalink)
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You are not every woman just like I am not every man. Some men AND women look at that list and burst out in laughter while others are touched beyond words. Each person is different.
Three women here said it was lovely. None of us burst out laughing and no woman has come in to say the list is ridiculous. Yes, we are all different. Most women however would love that list.
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Old 01-28-2012, 08:37 PM   #182 (permalink)
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Many women have men who follow that list and do not appreciate them for doing so.
Sadly Morituri, this is very common. What seems so romantic and endearing on this list seems to turn women off before very long. Yes, yes I know, not all women. But generally true. My wife is one that likes the mushy stuff like the list above. But without a healthy dose of "I am a man who's going places and I have my own stuff going on" attitude, she would soon see me as too easy. A pushover. It's human nature.

Actually I find clingy people a bit much sometimes too. You want your partner to want you because you are simply the right/best person. Not because they cannot find someone else to take them.
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Old 01-29-2012, 09:11 AM   #183 (permalink)
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Sadly Morituri, this is very common. What seems so romantic and endearing on this list seems to turn women off before very long.
It also may not even turn women off, per se, but I think that it is far more common that we men who feel so strongly about these symbolic meanings marry people who are probably years away from the acceptance of other issues of the marriage, so they will just dismiss it as impractical, given the issues of the time, or we marry those who apply their efforts to resentment over past hurts instead of accepting apologies when we fail as men. There may not be enough money to make the house payment, kids who are struggling, and she thinks that they wouldn't be if I did XX, or her job is really hectic, all of which seems more important that these deep feelings he has. Many men and women can find a million and one reasons not to appreciate the simple virtues in another, even if they are great virtues.

Since I'm beginning to move away from this site, I wanted to throw in something personal. Through new approaches to medicines in treating my wife's depressive spectrum bipolar disorder, she's growing to a real appreciation of these transcendent aspects of marriage. Its like a light switch was flipped a couple of months ago. In my case, I'm glad that I decided that her struggle with appreciating these sentimental things didn't mean that I had to stop caring about them.

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Old 01-29-2012, 01:53 PM   #184 (permalink)
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[QUOTE=Halien;569147

Since I'm beginning to move away from this site, I wanted to throw in something personal. Through new approaches to medicines in treating my wife's depressive spectrum bipolar disorder, she's growing to a real appreciation of these transcendent aspects of marriage. Its like a light switch was flipped a couple of months ago. In my case, I'm glad that I decided that her struggle with appreciating these sentimental things didn't mean that I had to stop caring about them.[/QUOTE]

I hope that this is as good of news as it sounds Halien.

By depressive spectrum bipolar do you mean that she is bipolar but tends towards the depressive end of the manic/depressive spectrum? I would be interested in what treatment you/she are having success with if you would like to share. I am often surprised out how common your wife's condition is.
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Old 01-29-2012, 03:40 PM   #185 (permalink)
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I hope that this is as good of news as it sounds Halien.

By depressive spectrum bipolar do you mean that she is bipolar but tends towards the depressive end of the manic/depressive spectrum? I would be interested in what treatment you/she are having success with if you would like to share. I am often surprised out how common your wife's condition is.
Her condition is very rare, and we are told that many psychiatrists doubt the validity of the diagnosis. Her doc calls it a spectrum disorder. No highs, but very definable patterns in the lows, and anti-depressants lead to suicide in a very high percentage of patients in this type, including her. I wouldn't want to give false hope to others, though. Some of the newer medications usually taken along with anti-depressants, along with some medications usually used with ADHD have made dramatic changes in her and our son. The change was like a switch two months ago, and persistant.

I really have benefitted from the advice of others on this site, but personally need to pull away a bit. In addition to my career, I'm a writer, and it seems that my wife's positivity has started up an old, almost forgotten itch.
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Old 01-29-2012, 04:23 PM   #186 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by I Know View Post
Sadly Morituri, this is very common. What seems so romantic and endearing on this list seems to turn women off before very long. Yes, yes I know, not all women. But generally true. My wife is one that likes the mushy stuff like the list above. But without a healthy dose of "I am a man who's going places and I have my own stuff going on" attitude, she would soon see me as too easy. A pushover. It's human nature.

Actually I find clingy people a bit much sometimes too. You want your partner to want you because you are simply the right/best person. Not because they cannot find someone else to take them.
I agree with you on these things ---very common for women to do.... they say they want the FAMILY man who treats them like a Princess...but they speak out of 2 sides of their mouth and are sexually attracted & craving the Bad boy who ignores them, even women like a little chase. A good balance between Alpha & Beta is so needed...to keep the fires burning for the woman.

Even though I LOVE the MUSH, the romantic, the emotional ....it accually makes sense for me --as I am of a secondary Melancholy tempermant - so is my husband .... BUT.....I still took him for granted for many years, he WAS too much of a "push over", too unselfish somehow , he was missing the assertive Alpha traits to get my attention & show me who was "the man" & take what was his. Admittedly I am likely more aggressive than most females , very strong willed, so he just passively let me do my thing...we were still very close ...but it could have been SO MUCH MORE.

The Clingy comment.... I want to offer a perspective (if the couple is healthy minded that is)... ..if a man or woman's top 3 love languages are Quality time / Physical touch & Words of affirmation ---they may appear to come off "Clingy" to another who doesn't have that mixture at the top..... So yeah, a disconnect, a non understanding of the other, and could be seen as too clingy, too needy.

I do not consider myself clingy at all --but I do LOVE his time, His attention, His touch and his words... I would be a pain up the living ass to an "acts of Service man" who had quality time at the bottom of his love lanugages, such a marraige would be made in hell for me, cause I want what I want. I can be a little selfish and if he wasn't into that, well, it just wouldn't be working for me.

Marry what you are -and life and marriage will flow beautifully.

ONce I got my head out of my rear end & started giving my attention & cuddling to my husband instead of my kids (which he was craving all along) - then we were both more happy and fullfilled.

I would venture to say any Hopeless Romantic type has these 3 love languages at the TOP....and make sure their is attraction or another trainwreck is coming.

If you are still on here datingopinionz....curious for you to take this test and report your Love languages , as I have my theorys in this.....

The 5 Love Languages | The 5 Love LanguagesŪ
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Old 01-29-2012, 06:57 PM   #187 (permalink)
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I agree with you on these things ---very common for women to do.... they say they want the FAMILY man who treats them like a Princess...but they speak out of 2 sides of their mouth and are sexually attracted & craving the Bad boy who ignores them, even women like a little chase. A good balance between Alpha & Beta is so needed...to keep the fires burning for the woman.

Even though I LOVE the MUSH, the romantic, the emotional ....it accually makes sense for me --as I am of a secondary Melancholy tempermant - so is my husband .... BUT.....I still took him for granted for many years, he WAS too much of a "push over", too unselfish somehow , he was missing the assertive Alpha traits to get my attention & show me who was "the man" & take what was his. Admittedly I am likely more aggressive than most females , very strong willed, so he just passively let me do my thing...we were still very close ...but it could have been SO MUCH MORE.

The Clingy comment.... I want to offer a perspective (if the couple is healthy minded that is)... ..if a man or woman's top 3 love languages are Quality time / Physical touch & Words of affirmation ---they may appear to come off "Clingy" to another who doesn't have that mixture at the top..... So yeah, a disconnect, a non understanding of the other, and could be seen as too clingy, too needy.

I do not consider myself clingy at all --but I do LOVE his time, His attention, His touch and his words... I would be a pain up the living ass to an "acts of Service man" who had quality time at the bottom of his love lanugages, such a marraige would be made in hell for me, cause I want what I want. I can be a little selfish and if he wasn't into that, well, it just wouldn't be working for me.

Marry what you are -and life and marriage will flow beautifully.

ONce I got my head out of my rear end & started giving my attention & cuddling to my husband instead of my kids (which he was craving all along) - then we were both more happy and fullfilled.

I would venture to say any Hopeless Romantic type has these 3 love languages at the TOP....and make sure their is attraction or another trainwreck is coming.

If you are still on here datingopinionz....curious for you to take this test and report your Love languages , as I have my theorys in this.....

The 5 Love Languages | The 5 Love LanguagesŪ
SA you really nailed this one w/ these comments.

Marry what you are -and life and marriage will flow beautifully

show me who was "the man" & take what was his.

Boys are socialized that the "take what is yours" is somehow evil. That drive and ambition are base male defects. It took a long time for me to unlearn that bit of nastiness.
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Old 01-29-2012, 07:05 PM   #188 (permalink)
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Her condition is very rare, and we are told that many psychiatrists doubt the validity of the diagnosis. Her doc calls it a spectrum disorder. No highs, but very definable patterns in the lows, and anti-depressants lead to suicide in a very high percentage of patients in this type, including her. I wouldn't want to give false hope to others, though. Some of the newer medications usually taken along with anti-depressants, along with some medications usually used with ADHD have made dramatic changes in her and our son. The change was like a switch two months ago, and persistant.

I really have benefitted from the advice of others on this site, but personally need to pull away a bit. In addition to my career, I'm a writer, and it seems that my wife's positivity has started up an old, almost forgotten itch.
You gotta do what's best for you and the fam. I wish you the best. Many of us have benefited from your input as well. And it is not surprising that you would be writer. You posts have a certain flow to them.

Best regards.
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Old 01-30-2012, 01:18 AM   #189 (permalink)
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@SimplyAmorous

wow now that's some descriptive, meaningful and useful comment. yes i am here and i took that assessment and here are the results, btw that test was something wierd i mean it was like "do you like to sleep?" or "do you like to stay awake?" while both are equally important to me, anyways i just selected options that i think suited my most and here are the results.



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If you are still on here datingopinionz....curious for you to take this test and report your Love languages , as I have my theorys in this.....
sure, i would love you input or any question on these results. a female opinion is always welcome

i can definitely tell i love to spend quality time, i keep my life simple by doing whatever i like (unless and untill it does not hurts anyone in anyways) and skip things that i dont like to do (unless they are really important).

In my life i have very few friends 5-6, but each of them is a real gem, they stand by me on my worst times, listen to what i say and co-operate to very great extent and i really appreciate it and in return i act same with them. i like real people, who are down to earth i.e. simple. these friends of mine as exactly that.

anyways my point is that i really think my life is special as special can be, so i really try to enjoy every movement of my life to the fullest until i can and for that i work in the field that i love the most, i have a very selective group of friends whom i am lucky to have and best of all i am really lucky to have supportive family. i know most of you must be thinking supportive family is what every other person have, but in my country most of people are very narrow minded, they put their children in career that they i.e. parents think is right for them, they make their children marry girl that they select for them, and lots more.. i luckily don't have such ****ty restrictions.

Also i would like to clear that i am quite sure that i am not clingy, although i am hopeless romantic i don't go giving around really romantic gifts to every girl i meet, rather i have just been romantic once to my ex-girlfriend later on i never did it again coz i thought it was not worth it, i would definitely like to surprise the girl who i intend to marry with the most breathtaking marriage proposal and wouldn't hesitate to spend a decent amount for the arrangement but only if she loves me to that level else that would be just a desperate or creepy attempt and i can understand that. most people take romantic stuffs as creepy coz i think they feel romantic people are romantic all the time but honestly it is not so.

Another thing that i feel, when i say i am romantic, people take that as a romantic with "full-stop" they think its the only side of me that the only thing is do is go away giving chick red roses, which is actually not the case, i have sides other than romantic, i am adventurous, i like thrill, excitement, taking risks in live, doing stupid stuff (this just happens), helping people, doing creative stuff (this is actually my profession), traveling, joking (its actually quite hard for me to be serious) although i manage to stay serious at funerals, on weekends i like relax by watching movies, tvshows etc... and so on...

i like to live the movement, when i am with my friends its just me and my friends, we talk about us and general stuff. when i am with my girlfriends then again its just us and no other stuff matter i take interest in what she talks and appreciate it when she genuinely listen to what i say. same applies to my friends.

P.S. Out of curiosity i have started reading "The 5 Love Languages" book, its quite interesting so far :P

Last edited by datingopinionz; 01-30-2012 at 01:40 AM.
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Old 11-08-2012, 09:27 PM   #190 (permalink)
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