Doc - I've been married for 16 months... Quite the newbie!
I'm inquisitive as ever, I just don't want to offend people - but I guess my train of thought had been leading me to believe there isn't anything special about marriage anymore. People used to get married to start families, (for example) but people have families now without marriage, and it's quite common! Or to live together! I told my husband he could not live with me before we got married... He liked that I'm "old-fashioned" and I wanted our relationship to start out the "right" way - ( well, we only dated for 41 days and had premarital sex - so maybe not extremely "right") but I felt the need to establish some kind of values after my last relationship. We started off as friends, for several years before getting involved and I think it was good for us.
So maybe I'm a confused mix of conservative vs. liberal... Either way the bottom line is, we could have each had what we wanted without marriage, but we chose to marry anyways. I'm glad we did now, because I became pregnant last year, and I'm glad it was within the context of marriage - and I am NOT knocking anyone with children out of wedlock - just saying if I have kids I would prefer it be with my husband.
I think some may have misinterpreted my curiosity a bit, but that's all it is - curiosity... Posted via Mobile Device
I also hate to see the risk/benefits of mariage as a "male pro/con benefit" issue. Hello, yeah, Marriage is a RISK.
Men seem to be willingly nullifying their own importance/role in our society. ( I am a proponet of personal descisions of marriage, the single life and short and long term partnerships.)
..but under no circumstance should you confuse or attrubute the benefits of one for the other.
They are not equal, they are not the same thing. Each has benefilts, each has risks.
YP
Ask any Mortician, Personal (will) Lawyer, Insurance person, Work benefits program, Bio children, ex-spouses, mothers, fathers and extended family if a marriage certificate means anything. That should get you an answer, right there.
A woman who decides (along with her husband) to stay home and raise children takes a HUGE risk in not being able to support herself should something happen to their marriage or mate.
Not, not all. Though still... I wish I had a wife.
You do know that there are a ton of husbands who share the work of running a home equally with their wives? There are also a ton of wives that share the financial burden of a household equally with their husbands. Neither of which should be the reason for getting into a legally binding contract that has the potential to hurt you financially and emotionally down the road.
The only real incentive for a man to get married is to let the woman he loves know she has his heart. The reverse should be the incentive for a woman also.
The renter/buyer analogy works, but in a literal sense you have more to gain by buying vs. renting - do you think the same is true for marriage?
Does anyone really value/respect it anymore???
*interesting stat on married men living longer - will have to share that with my hubby!
Speaking of him, he told me last night that he was glad I "told" him we were getting married because it never would have been his idea. He freely admitted that we could have dated for 80 years and he probably would have never even thought of proposing. I asked why and he said simply, "no reason to." That's what got us on the whole incentive for marriage thing to begin with...
So why get married at all? Posted via Mobile Device
A woman who decides (along with her husband) to stay home and raise children takes a HUGE risk in not being able to support herself should something happen to their marriage or mate.
I am feeling this very strongly at the moment... Posted via Mobile Device
A woman who decides (along with her husband) to stay home and raise children takes a HUGE risk in not being able to support herself should something happen to their marriage or mate.
A woman who decides (along with her husband) to stay home and raise children takes a HUGE risk in not being able to support herself should something happen to their marriage or mate.
I live in a state where common-law marriage is not recognized. For my wife to stay at home to raise the kids, marriage was a requirement for her, one which I completely understand. It does not eliminate all of the risks, but does reduce them for her.
In today's legal climate, the man puts his nads in a vice the moment he slips that ring on her finger. It is very unfortunate that men are guilty until proven innocent, and that's something we desperately need to change (Not to make marriage more disposable, but to stop abuse).
HOWEVER, Marriage isn't really about, "What's in it for ME?" it never has been, and if you approach it in that manner, it just won't add up...ever.
The big question is: What does marriage mean to you personally? Just make sure the answer doesn't involve anything like, "cuz somebody else tells me I ought to"
For me? My W. Rocks, I love her & I'll do anything I can to help her feel safe. This doesn't mean that I am a whipped doormat, or that we don't have our ups & downs, trust me there's plenty of that. It just provides an additional sense of stability. Not only for her, but for our children as well. For me - that's a win.
So what incentive does a man really have to get married these days? It seems like he risks so much for so little benefit... And if the marriage fails he could potentially have more to lose... Posted via Mobile Device
Who else is gonna' cover my backside during the zombie apocalypse?
But seriously, its sad that women would instinctively equate marriage to being burdened with more chores, more cleaning, more work. Yeah, it also stinks that divorce is often very unfair for men, too. I really wish more people would see that good pre-marital counseling can sometimes completely transform our understanding of marriage going into it. Before counseling, I saw it more or less as just the obligatory next step, but my eyes were opened to how much work it takes, but also the rewards from a deliberate approach. In a dreaded worst case scenario, divorce would still grant my wife an exclusive, cozy retirement from my retirement accounts, but I could never say that she hasn't really enriched my life, despite the problems along the way. Its worth it.
5Likes
Re: Male Incentive for Marriage? 
LOL
