Male Incentive for Marriage? - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-19-2012, 08:44 PM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

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Being a SAHM is a huge luxury for her and the spouse. I would argue that it is good for the kids to have the mother available at home until school age too. But don't be a martyr about it. I would encourage you to go to work.

As a family unit, I believe it is irresponsible for my wife and me to put all of our economic future on the back of my career. People are disposable in today's work world. In a heartbeat I could be out of a job. Then what would we do?
What are you talking about? I said it's a risk for women to spend her life at home, not have work experience, in case something happens to her husband or marriage.

Who is being a martyr? LOL I work full time as a teacher, mister And I keep house.


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post #77 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-19-2012, 08:53 PM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

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What are you talking about? I said it's a risk for women to spend her life at home, not have work experience, in case something happens to her husband or marriage.

Who is being a martyr? LOL I work full time as a teacher, mister And I keep house.
LOL. Ya schooled me didn't you?

I read between the lines that you were SAHM. Nothing wrong w/ SAHM's but I admire women who work and do it well.
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post #78 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-19-2012, 08:54 PM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

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LOL. Ya schooled me didn't you?

I read between the lines that you were SAHM. Nothing wrong w/ SAHM's but I admire women who work and do it well.
I could never stay home full time. I would die.

Luckily, as a teacher, my schedule lets me home for all the breaks and almost when they get out of school. Best of both worlds, imo.


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post #79 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-19-2012, 09:09 PM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

The idea of steady sex is very attractive to a man. Most women want the social symbol of being a wife, rather than a "babymoms" or a live in.

So men get married thinking that becoming a husband is a small price to pay for sex that they didn't have to search for. It is a lot of time and energy to prowl bars and look for dates.

It is also the most socially acceptable way to have a family, no matter how much morals have changed. People still believe that it is better to be married when having children. Most men want to continue their family's line.

Whether a man can do housework or not, it is most often the wife who ends up doing the lion's share of the household duties and raising children. There has definitely been a shift towards a more mutual sharing of chores, but we still have a long way to go in terms of husbands doing as much as wives. You still never see men fussing over decorating the home or having the right serving bowls for company.

I concur with that_girl's views of women depending on men. Though I will never make as much as my husband, furthering my education so that I can earn more money is my new project. He could die or divorce me. Nothing is wrong with being a SAHM, but it is a very vulnerable position for a woman to be in if the marriage goes sour.
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post #80 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-19-2012, 09:35 PM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

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Whether a man can do housework or not, it is most often the wife who ends up doing the lion's share of the household duties and raising children. There has definitely been a shift towards a more mutual sharing of chores, but we still have a long way to go in terms of husbands doing as much as wives. You still never see men fussing over decorating the home or having the right serving bowls for company.
my wife would divorce me if I started fussing over decorating, towels and serving bowls.

You are certainly correct about the housework thing. Women typically do far more than men.

I make no apologies for my input on domestic chores. My wife wanted kids in a big way. I did not. I made it pretty clear before we had any that I would not be taxi-ing kids around and having playdates with other parents, shopping for kids clothes(please kill me before I have to do that). So she voluntarily assumed more responsibility in the domestic department. I do more than many men, but certainly not 1/2.

It's our deal and it has worked for 25 years. Everyone is happy.
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post #81 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-20-2012, 02:07 AM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

I asked my husband this question. He said sure, stability and feeling rooted... but he continued there's ofcourse no guarantee with that stability, married or not, so he concluded "It's just a nice thing and can't be expressed in words."

I don't know about you, Miss Kitty, but I feel so much yummier - Catwoman
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post #82 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-20-2012, 03:45 AM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

I did it for a friend to do the things I like do together.
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post #83 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-20-2012, 08:03 AM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

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Whether a man can do housework or not, it is most often the wife who ends up doing the lion's share of the household duties and raising children. There has definitely been a shift towards a more mutual sharing of chores, but we still have a long way to go in terms of husbands doing as much as wives. You still never see men fussing over decorating the home or having the right serving bowls for company.
Not to get too far off tangent, but I suspect at least some portion of the alleged "chore gap" is self made. My wife cares much more about decore in the house. She uses different placemats and guest towels for the seasons, hangs up decorations, etc. She might pull out some fancy glasses for when we are entertaining. I could care less about most of it. I help some, but if those things are going to get done, they are on her. While I don't consider this part of the household chores, I would not be at all surprised in she did.
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post #84 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-20-2012, 08:58 AM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

I am sure that each man will likely have their own personal incentive for getting married, just like a woman will.

What is interesting is how marriages and the various incentives have changed throughout time and history. We look at marriage in a very narrow way in our society - that people (typically a man and a woman) should marry for love and companionship and creating a family - that it should be an exclusive relationship and both partners should be more giving to the other.

Historically, this hasn't actually been the view of marriage. In centuries past it was deemed a big problem if the couple loved each other before marriage, and some societies believed that love could/should come after marriage. In yet others, exclusiveness was not mandatory - it was assumed that both spouses would have outside lovers.

This thread came up at an interesting time, because I just downloaded to my Kindle and started to read this book this weekend (haven't finished it yet) which gives a historical perspective on marriage. It's pretty fascinating.

Amazon.com: Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage (9780143036678): Stephanie Coontz: Books

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post #85 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-20-2012, 09:19 AM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

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The idea of steady sex is very attractive to a man.
In today's society men can have steady sex way before marriage even comes into the picture.

“In thy foul throat thou liest.”
― William Shakespeare, Richard III

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post #86 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-20-2012, 09:44 AM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

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In today's society men can have steady sex way before marriage even comes into the picture.
So can women.
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post #87 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-20-2012, 10:17 AM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

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Not to get too far off tangent, but I suspect at least some portion of the alleged "chore gap" is self made. My wife cares much more about decore in the house. She uses different placemats and guest towels for the seasons, hangs up decorations, etc. She might pull out some fancy glasses for when we are entertaining. I could care less about most of it. I help some, but if those things are going to get done, they are on her. While I don't consider this part of the household chores, I would not be at all surprised in she did.
That's the fun part of having a home

Chores consist of toilet scrubbing, laundry, tub washing, dishes, vacuuming, mopping, washing windows, etc.


Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #88 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-20-2012, 10:18 AM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

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So can women.
Yup.


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They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #89 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-20-2012, 10:40 AM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

On the subject of SAHM's and the RISK involved.... I have no doubt this is true for many women but not every situation is the same.

I am very thankful I have a husband who desires to be the primary Bread Winner & does not look down on me for not being educated & working every day.... I do have a few side jobs where I can work around the bad weather & our driveway from hell though .....it can turn into a sheet of ice with a little snow, it is 750 ft long, cement, hilly & bendy & it has claimed many victims over the years, husband gets tired of being a Tow truck for our friends. He wrecked his plow in it last year, the farmer next door thankfully saw what a PIckle he was in & pulled him out. I almost wrecked yesterday getting our 4x4 Suburban down it , sometimes he takes the field instead. He doesn't want me on the country roads when they are bad -he worries about me too much...

This is the price you pay when you want to live in the boonies on a secluded piece of country property, it was our dream. And
I LOVE staying home, I never get bored..I do spend too much time on this darn forum though!! Some addictions are hard to break.

...... Some may feel we are stupid in this day & age....but we are not careless people .... we have much $$ saved...if not, I would be worried, I worry about every damn thing under the sun, just my nature. Even when I married, I had backups for the people in our wedding, I always think "...."What if" ...and need a plan....

We've been completely debt free for over 5 yrs , if he lost his job today -we could live off of what we have saved for a good 3 yrs with no income coming it at all -not counting our net worth-which is pretty high given how many acres we own.

If he died, we have good life insurance, same as if I kicked the bucket. The only problem would be health care. That could break anyone in a matter of days if you don't have it.

I hope we never have to face any of that, but for us, we are quite content taking the RISK of only one of us working...it would be different if we were living paycheck to paycheck.... but that has never been our experience...well it was once when we bought this house, we socked every dime into it -we were lucky we didn't have to sell his coin collection -it was close. We are master savers.

If we wanted too right now, I could make a phone call & get a check for over $160,000 in my hands within a month, but I am in no rush, those Gas well Landmen have been trying to get us to sign a lease with them for over 3 yrs now -big thing in my area (Marchellus Utica shale)- all my neighbores signed already , that is how little we care about $$, I care more about my land. When they started visiting us, they were giving $750 an acre to sign, last I heard it is up to $3250 an acre, I could care less. I wish they would go away accually.
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post #90 of 190 (permalink) Old 01-20-2012, 10:56 AM
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Re: Male Incentive for Marriage?

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To be 100% honest, I'm not sure I would have gotten married so soon if my wife would have lived with me. I loved her and everything but my main motive was getting her to spend the night.

It drove me crazy that I couldn't get her to spend the night with me after making love. Never ever ever had a girl do that to me. Sometimes we get hooked for unusual reasons.
Dean, your wife was a very very smart woman in my book ...kudoos to her We need more women like that today, holding something back, making something extra special, allowing the man to wait. Then they wouldn't be complainig no man wants to commit & marry them.....we need to give them some real "incentive" where they feel it in their heart or in between the legs... after all I bet you sure wanted to wake up to her on some of those HARD mornings lying next to you.

We need to show our boyfriends there is something to look forward too, something they crave -and they ain't gettin' it until they step up, be a real man, make it official... if that is what the woman wants anyway. Too many complain afterwards but they contributed to allowing the casual living together situation, then they get mad & start pestering their very content boyfriends. What good is that, reduces her to a beggar.

Your wife knew how to get you !! Love it!
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