NextTimeAround

Because I have been plagued in my marriage and lately in my now steady relationship with the "just friends" thing and Emotional Affairs, I really want to explore it.

1. How many of you try to remain friends with "ex's?" By that I mean not only long term relationships, but also the month or two or more dating situation.

2. Try to remain friends with women who have friend zoned you?

Have you tried to introduce these friends to the current women you are trying to date?

2nd_t!me iz_best

isnt working out too well

NextTimeAround

How does this relationship manifest itself? Do you two go out togther; invite one another to activities with other people; talk about your other dating activities........or

2nd_t!me iz_best

actually, ours was a veeerrrrry long distance relationship so no hanging out.
she has said she wanted to remain friends.
im having a very hard time with that.
im sure it wont last.

Conrad

Australia is a long long way.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

tacoma

I haven`t been friend zoned since junior high and I don`t remain friends with ex`s.

Why the hell would you introduce your ex lover to your new lover?

What is that ever going to accomplish other than jealousy and insecurity?

Conrad

In my experience, hanging on to ex's can cause huge problems - even the end of relationships.

I guess I never understood why ex's are that vital. You're supposed to be building a future with the person you're with. Hanging on to ex's merely keeps the backdoor of the house open.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

Mistys dad

Oh hell no.

My ex's are ex's for a reason. Let them stay that way.

As for the "friend zone". No thanks. The female friends in my life are spouses of male friends, relatives of people I know and that's it.

I enjoy the company of the women that the men in my life bring with them. But, that's about about as far as I care to take those relationships.

sisters359

I've seen it work both ways, and it seems to depend on the personalities involved and the reasons for the break up. I can be friends if the break up wasn't particularly one-sided or full of antagonism, if the relationship wasn't full of conflict, and if my feelings for the guy are totally gone. I don't remain friends if I'm still attached; too difficult for me. If it is too difficult for him, I understand that, too. And if a new person feels jealous, he's not going to be someone I stick with anyway b/c it's evidence of a lack of confidence in himself and a lack of trust in me.

Kobo

Truthfully, I've never cared enough about most of the girls I've dated enough to be what I would consider friends. I acted too much like the Seinfeld character coming up in that I would look for reasons not to be in a long relationship. I've broken up with ladies over the stupidest things like calling me at 7am looking for a ride somewhere. Most of my "exes" probably hated me for a good bit after the relationship so no reason to be friends.

__________________
“In thy foul throat thou liest.”
― William Shakespeare, Richard III

tobio

From the female side, I'd say some of my exes are "acquaintances." That is, I still run into some when out and about and I'd say hi, acknowledge them but really no more than that. I have learned that whilst I may consider exes to be exes, they do not always see it that way.

My older childrens' father and my OH were good friends before I knew either of them. They see each other when the guys get together for beers or if mutual friends have a party, and obviously when we drop the children off, pick them up and go to school events. I found out OH used to be a little bothered if he heard us chatting (about the kids) on the doorstep if he felt it was a little longer than necessary, but I have told him I don't even dislike my ex, I just "nothing" him. OH isn't worried now.
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Conrad

Acquaintances maybe, but when your spouse offers an ex friends with benefits and then refuses to cut them out of their life - after agreeing to do so?

It comes down to this.

People do things because they want to.

They don't do things because they don't want to.

If you are a priority for them, their actions will let you know.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

RDJ

We all create possitives and/or nagatives in our relationships.

Why would we want to intentionally create something that has negative possibilities?

__________________
“Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.”
Warmly,
RDJ

Conrad

RDJ,

A really good question.

It's an especially interesting one when someone tells you (after the fact) that "all they wanted was a stable home for their kids".

How keeping a band of ex's around for amusement contributes to a "stable home" eludes me.

I think if your partner has a problem with one of your friends, the friend goes overboard pronto.

It's a statement of commitment to the relationship.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

RainbowGirl

My OH is very good friends with one of his exes. Well actually, he is a good friend but it is not reciprocated. I have posted before about his inclination to attach himself to needy women. This is a friend that he has had for 20 years, and they had a bit of a fling but never worked out. I suppose it depends on what you quantify as an 'ex'.

I am not threatened by her in terms of 'will he leave me for her'. My one reluctance comes from the way he panders and mollycoddles her. For example, he calls her on her birthday and speaks for hours, and will buy her a gift. Yet on HIS birthday, we don't hear from her, not even a card. To me that is a very one-sided friendship. All his other friends who are also friends with her laugh at their relationship. It seems to have been typical to fob her off to him when she got 'too needy' for anyone else to handle.

This is a trait of his that I have a real issue with. Fortunately it doesn't manifest as much when I am around, but the minute I am away or we are not together he hooks up with his needy female friends.

Why are men incapable of spending time alone?