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Unsure

2K views 26 replies 12 participants last post by  BobSimmons 
#1 ·
My fiancee and I have been together for 3 years relationship has been good but we had an issue about a year ago. Found out she was talking to a guy she use to date from high school they lost contact and hooked up again before we were dating. Anyway she still had this guys contact info in her phone and they would talk and text every now and then she would also initiate the conversation. When I confronted her she told me he was just a friend they went to prom and that was it. Fast forward 2 years later I find out she lied about their relationship it was more than that it was sexual. But this was after high school of course. I'm deeply upset that she was still contacting someone she had sex with not only that but initiate it as well. And then lie to me about her relationship with this guy. She was carrying our child while she was reaching out to him and even after the pregnancy she continued to contact him. It stopped after I ed her out about it.

Now I feel like I can't trust her. She didn't care about how I would feel while talking to this guy, she said it was just as friends but we all know things like that always start out friendly and turns into something else. And we're supposed to get married in November. I really wanna call the wedding off and just split ways. I'm not even sure if she's talking to this guy anymore she says she's not. But again my trust for her is shot.

She definitely wouldn't like it if I was talking to some girl I had a sexual relationship with.


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#2 ·
Okay. She minimized and gaslighted you about her interaction with him over a period of time. You're not falling for it. Good for you.

What is your question?

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#3 ·
She is not over him. She did not tell you the truth about their relationship. How did you found out that their relationship was sexual as well? How did they broke up? She initiates reaching out to him. She is hoping for more. I wouldn't marry her as of yet, although you already have a child. Sorry you are here.
 
#5 ·
What do you know about boundaries?

What does she know about boundaries?
 
#7 ·
The marriage should definitely be delayed at a minimum. She has earned losing her wedding date, at least temporarily.

I would put it to her like this:

"Fiance, you have shown yourself to be untrustworthy. I will not marry a woman who messages old boyfriends and then lies about it. For that reason, our marriage date will no longer be in November, and will be left open. It is now up to you to show me you have earned adequate trust for me to marry you."
 
#25 ·
Not for me....

I would call off the wedding...end it. No more chances, no more negotiation. Say goodbye.

If you must be number one, then there is no more room for another man in this engagement. Be number one.

The child? The only good thing to come out of this.

Love the child....from afar.

Mature people would call this reaction....a 'consequence' for inappropriate behavior on her part. She is disrespectful, arrogant and presumptuous of your love.

Oh, you are doing her a favor, also. Do not think otherwise.
 
#10 ·
You have to communicate to her where your boundaries lie regarding her communicating with exes. Obviously, if she would let you do it, or it is a boundary for her, then she should also show you reciprocal respect. If she cannot, then you may have to delay the marriage, get PMC, and if it doesn't work, move on. Sorry you are having problems. Good luck.
 
#14 · (Edited)
We've had conversations in which we've shared each other's boundaries not sure why she would do such a thing. It's common sense to me
The point here is... did she learn from it and is it (him) in the past? That's what you want to know, isn't it?

You have to communicate to her where your boundaries lie regarding her communicating with exes. Obviously, if she would let you do it, or it is a boundary for her, then she should also show you reciprocal respect. If she cannot, then you may have to delay the marriage, get PMC, and if it doesn't work, move on. Sorry you are having problems. Good luck.
:iagree:

Get some premarital counseling and get this sorted out before you marry. It would do you both good to gain some insight.
 
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