01-25-2012, 08:07 AM
Join Date: Sep 2009
| | Re: You all are right about my husband...
The thing that I did was bring my children into a marriage with a man like this. I should have left long ago like others here said... long ago. In the mean time, I will be weaning my kids to living at their dads house with my presence nearly everyday until I can get things straight.
I know now exactly why I let myself get into this marriage and it was only partly to do with insecurity, much of it was selfish and some of it was because my lawyers (during my last divorce told me I couldnt leave him until after the divorce was final... they didnt want me to look like one of "those" women the judges dont particularly like). By the time the divorce was final, we just got carried away with making plans. My kids were so excited and I just let it happen with protest, but I let it happen.
I have been resentful ever since, especially when he backed out on his word to not with hold sex.
Its my fault that we are here at all, I should have had the strength to do what I knew was right at the time. I didnt, I chose to trust in someone untrustable, I chose to minimize red flags, I chose to accept his apology, when I should have walked away I showed him I will tolerate violence from him. I also allowed myself to join in his games and do things I never would have dreamed of doing before marrying him... I didnt have sex for 4 years(with my high sex drive and all!) in my last marriage and never ever would have entertained the idea of cheating, never. I cant believe the power of coping mechanisms... they make you fully believe what you are doing is ok.
This is why I reply so straightforwardly to other posters who are posting about red flags and deciding to continue anyway... it wont work... just like the others who had been in my situaiton before me had tried to tell me, long ago.
Love does not hurt, it nurtures and protects....