Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?
Being with the same woman for 42 years and never wanting for sex I feel quite an expert on the subject, most especially in long term marriages. One of my love languages is Physical Touch so all that loving and affection was exceptionally important to me. It actually “made me feel loved”.
For it to really work at the deepest levels both spouses must remain physically, emotionally and psychologically attractive to one another in order to be desirable. While there’s attraction and desire “passion” has an opportunity to flourish in many many different ways.
It was never “sex” with me. It was always making love as to whether it’s a quickie or a romantic weekend.
Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?
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Originally Posted by RDJ
Checked it out, but she was a major turn off for me. You?
Calle Zorro did warn in his email that her delivery may turn some guys off but that her material was spot on when it came to helping men improve their love life with their women. He was right and her work in many ways validates Calle's work as well from a woman's POV. I've also purchased Otto Collins book 'Light her up' which also follows the same principles as Zorro's and Bratton's. There so much good stuff from them and others that sometimes I feel like a kid inside a candy store.
Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?
My wife and I will be married 32 years next month. I will have to say that we have been all over the board in the sex department.
Wild, crazy,many times per week. Boreing, passionless, not enjoyabele. And even sexless for long periods of time.
It seems that we have settled for once or twice a week. One good one, and usually one mutually agreed upon quickie.
As has been said, we learned to talk about it. We are open to more or less as long as we are both feeling fulfilled in the rest of our "love languages".
Whatever works, I guess?
The point I was making is that a man does not want to neglect his womans needs by being a selfish lover. If your sex life is on the rocks, this could be one of many things to consider.
Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?
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Originally Posted by Havesomethingtosay
If I called it making love, my wife would start laughing uncontrollably...... No we don't make love or F*%k, we have SEX.....
That's interesting. People definately have their own preconceived ideas of what it is supposed to be called. In the past, my wife would say that sex is what you do with your mistress, or if you are describing it clinically, as in a group exchange like this. If I called it sex, she would feel insulted. Yet she's not at all opposed to wanting to be taken, or to do the same to me. To her, its all about the idea of viewing sex as an ongoing, never-ending process (which has been pretty strong for about 28 years for us, if you count dating).
Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?
In a healthy marriage, there is room for both lovemaking and screwing.
My husband just made love to me this morning. He has healed from the vasectomy, so we had a reunion after what felt like an eternity. It was a banquet to two starving people!
I planned a seduction tonight, but we couldn't wait.
Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?
Well I have an interesting take on all of this......
Honest to God, my husband couldn't F**k me if he tried, he is near almost too selfless in bed ...this is very very sweet.... I have always & forever felt overwhelmingly loved, I have never, not even for a second, felt "used" or as an object to him, I can not relate to any woman with this experience......but it is not always all that WILD & Lustfully Passionate either ---though Emotionally passionate....YES !
I have had arguments with the man to be MORE SELFISH in bed..what I was looking for was more EROTIC, what I had was all "sensual".... if anything I am the more selfish lover wanting more out of him (more erotic and these types can be demanding at times), but this has tamed down some in the past year.
Although It may sound like I am complaining.... I really am not. But I do so understand those who want THAT once in a while, I don't see them as bad people, selfish men even, If I did, I am no good either! I think women need to give that to their men -just as I wish my husband could give a taste of that to me. I believe I would have FUN with a raging selfish lover, so long as he wanted the same thing I did....2 of that can burn the house down.
What I have come to believe in analyzing this issue near to death.... with respects to only having been with 1 man -with nothing to compare but others stories is........ so very much of this is "hormonal" even (typical for me to go here ) ...... that has been my personal experience anyway...
.....the only time I faught with my husband over these things is when I was high high drive and I can understand why men do it to their wives, there is something in them that just wants MORE.... MORE VARIETY.... MORE CREATIVITY.... MORE ENTHUSIAUM....TRYING DIFFERENT POSITIONS..... more WILD SEX.... FAST.... HOT, and "I gotta have it now" crazy ---even though their wives are emotionally connected in every way, they still want MORE somehow........I was there, lived that feeling and it was unrelenting for a time. I cared more about his lust over his LOVE..... Yes, I am blaming this all on hormones!
Yes, we need to reign our hormones in sometimes, I get that too, but they are a hell of alot of FUN when they are raging, even though they caused me some grief. I hope women can understand it is not so easy for the guy here either. I know how hard it was for me!
But through all of this ...I have come to realize something I am very very thankful for.... even though our sex life would have been the most BORING experience on the face of planet for many couples.....for 19 straight yrs... we only tried 2 positions, I wanted those lights out, under the sheets, we didn't even make any sounds, no toys, we didn't even flirt (we were so damn quiet, sometimes we had sex with our toddlers sleeping inches away from our bed)....amazingly it kept us happy, fullfilled , totally satisfied, neither of us ever complained , or even thought of more variety, we both felt we were exceptional lovers even!! His only complaint was wanting MORE of it, never different or more excitement... and the reason...
...... it was purely making love, our hearts were fully connected to each other, I was lost in his kisses ....very very emotionally satisfying ....to the heights. So yeah, making Love is the ultimate, it is one thing that will never grow old or a couple can ever get enough of , you will want to keep revisiting it over & over & over & over again.
...
I beat myself up for us having such a boring sex life back then, but now I have to remind myself what we had all along.... that somehow I was not giving us credit for....I smile about it now.
My husband won't even call it "sex", I can't get him to say that, how silly it is but that is his Heart in the matter.
Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?
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Originally Posted by RDJ
For some women sex can become just another one of the many chores that have to be completed in order to keep the household happy. In some cases, a woman may find it much simpler to just quickly take care of her and avoid the time and effort of sex completely, especially if she has a husband that is only concerned about pleasing himself.
It is my opinion that when it comes to sex, a lot of husbands are selfish. They focus too much on how their wife is going to please them, and not about the quality of the shared experience.
They become so focused on what they are, or are not receiving, that the whole experience starts to feel like an unpleasant obligation to their wife, and most likely, IT IS.
A big key to keeping your married sex life fresh and alive is to learn how to be a selfless lover.
Selfless is when you focus on sharing your love and passion with your wife, without regard of what YOU are getting out of it.
It’s when you make love to her in place of having sex with her. It’s when you look deep into her eyes and make love to her body, mind, and soul that she will feel loved in place of sexed.
When a husband shares himself in this way, sex is no longer “just sex”, it becomes an experience of “love making” that will be more enjoyable for his wife.
True loving sex is always fun, regardless of how many years you may have been together.
So the next time you find yourself having selfish sex with your wife, STOP. Stop thinking about what you want to get out of this,how she is going to repay you, and think instead about what you can give her.
Be selfless and give her your heart and soul. If you do this, don’t be surprised when you find your wife initiating a whole lot more “love making” in the future.
I completely disagree. Been married for 25 years. My experience has been that the more assertive and insistent about sex I am, the better the results.
She MELTS when I dominate and take her. All I have to do is take her by the hand, lead her upstairs and good things happen. She ALWAYS likes and responds to this.
My wife hated it when I was all concerned about her orgasm, making love, connecting on a deep emotional basis. We do that on a day in day out basis, outside of the bedroom. My wife wants me to be the caveman in the bedroom. My assertiveness is part of what attracted her to me in the first place.
My wife would prefer massages (I am pretty good at this). It is sensual, just in a different way.
Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?
And now I know why I thought for the longest time RDJ was female. All your posts have a female bent to them. You seem way too preoccupied with how women feel and have a very negative outlook on any man who asserts himself in a masculine way.
Just reading the OP and the thread you come off as thinking you are superior to most males because you bring a loving soft side to sex with your wife and seem to think you are unique/better in some way.
Yes some men do suck in bed or are very selfish, but the majority are not and women too have a part to play in good sex.
Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?
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Originally Posted by Havesomethingtosay
You seem way too preoccupied with how women feel and have a very negative outlook on any man who asserts himself in a masculine way.
Really? Can you give me some examples?
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Just reading the OP and the thread you come off as thinking you are superior to most males because you bring a loving soft side to sex with your wife and seem to think you are unique/better in some way.
I'm sorry you feel that way. In all honesty, sounds like your problem, not mine! If you don't like what I have to say, don't read my post's. Thats pretty simple?
Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her? 
