Halien

Words may be powerful, but they don't carry feelings of superiority. Tone can be carried through declarative statements, but to equate this to superiority, without the author saying, "I am better than you" suggests subjective translation by the reader. Maybe RDJ can put a paragraph of legal sounding disclaimers, but it would be easier to ignore his fine posts if they offend.

Havesomethingtosay

Boy does RDJ have a cheering section...... I read his thread and found it condescending and very negative in laying all blame at males and accusing us of being selfish, indifferent lovers and partners.

RDJ has not answered my questions as to his OP (post 42) and where he came up with these insights or his research. From what I can tell reading his other posts he has/had a troubled marriage with a spouse who has/had a drinking problem and now things have much improved and now is the self-help guru and savant for men with marriage problems. Good for him.

I do however have an opinion (like you, RDJ and others) and find his sermonizing and this thread laid all blame on males and insufferable.

2nd_t!me iz_best

i really doubt he is placing all blame on m,en, thats ridiculous.
its just a place for men to look as it helped him. youre really trying to over think this to save your masculinity.

greenpearl

He writes from his experience. He is trying to help men to understand themselves.

I have been called a woman hater by members from this forum because I write from a woman's point of view, I see a lot of women are destroying their marriages and lives without even knowing it.

I don't post often now because there are a lot of people who are like you, it's discouraging. Instead of reading the posts objectively, instead of asking yourself if you are making the mistakes he mentioned in his post, you doubt and mock.

We have to admit a lot of men are selfish and they only care about their needs been met or not, of course we have to agree there are also a lot of women are the same. Just ask yourself, are you one of these selfish people or not, if you are not, congratulate yourself and be happy for yourself.

Havesomethingtosay

No he is not blaming all men, just saying that the fault is laid primarily on the male when it comes to a lack of sex in a marriage/partnership. Read the OP, all the responsibility and problems is the male's.

Kobo

You may feel this way is because RDJ gives his opinion in a way that comes accross as if it is fact a lot of times. The posts I have read from him generally read like "if you do A then B will happen". In fact I think I posted in one of his earlier threads that trying to understand your woman is hard enough much less trying to make statements or claims on all women. His threads also have a heavy feminine lean so that's going to turn off some men like myself. No biggie he's just like the rest of us trying to communicate and have discussions.

__________________
“In thy foul throat thou liest.”
― William Shakespeare, Richard III

Havesomethingtosay

Thank you..... We are having a discussion, but there seems to be some piling on going here as I have called him on it. RDJ then has responded to me calling me names, questioning my character, being very condescending and refusing to address my questions to his original post as to where his opinions were formed and asking frther insight in to some of his anti-male comments.

Yes some males are bad partners, selfish in bed, don't read signals and are not supportive. RDJ in his posts comes off sounding that all men having trouble particularly in terms of a lack of sex are those things.

RDJ

I’m fully aware that there are times when a woman may just want to get “ fvcked”, works for me.

Just keep in mind that there just as many times when a woman may just “fvck” because she wants “nothing more from her man”.

This board tells the story quite often. You may be just “fvcking your wife while she is face booking and/or “making love” to the guy at work because her man does not have a clue how to meet her emotional needs.

Thanks for your comments.

__________________
“Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.”
Warmly,
RDJ

Havesomethingtosay

And again a condescending, bitter, nasty response to someone who did not support his OP 100%.

Acorn

What I got from his post is that he shared his opinion that some husbands are selfish. He tried to back up his opinion.

I did not see any fault being assigned and I do not think he shared any of his opinions about wives. If you are really dying to hear his opinions about what flaws wives have in his opinion, why not just ask him? I get the impression RDJ likes to post so I'd imagine he'd at least consider it.

morituri

Time and again, especially in the 'Coping with infidelity' forum, I read story after story of men who say "My wife is having an affair. But we have sex very often before she had the affair".

The problem is that many husbands have the false belief that just because their wives are putting out that they are emotionally bonded with them when in reality they may be simply performing another chore that is expected of them.

How passionate is the wife in having sex with her husband? A husband who simply cares about the sex itself and ignores his wife's involvement while she's having sex with him, may be asking for a world of pain and hurt later on.

__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

Links

Deejo

I'm an angry male.

Cut the sh!t.

I like f*cking.

I like making love.

I had to learn to be selfish, and taking what I want after my last 2 long term relationships cratered after delicately treading around the periphery of washing over the gentle female soul with love, caring and compassion.

Little point in arguing over two points that are both correct.

__________________
"I figured out they were serious eventually but was thinking it was ridiculous. I wanted to kick them in the balls." - Trenton

AFEH

I’m of the opinion that some men think on sex in marriage as being the same as what they see in porn movies. That’s their baseline sort of thing. Same goes for some women as well. Especially the way some of them have spoken about it here. “It’s just sex!!!”. And they keep on insisting on that point of view as though they know no other.


I think in many cases sex itself has been devalued beyond belief. Just been hearing about a seventeen year old girl who doesn’t know how many boys she’s had sex with over the past 12 months, she thinks it’s 15 to 20. I’ve also been watching programs about school children and sex. Now sex even for the under sixteen’s is expected on the first “date” and girls are feeling out of it, not one of the clan, if they don’t “give out”.


Not only has sex been devalued it’s also been desensitised by the use of porn. Men, even very young men are struggling to have sex with a real woman.


As I say I speak from an exceedingly different perspective to many here. I have the perspective of fifty years, I lived through it all. There was no porn in my young life, just the magazines on the top shelf. Sex in schools hardly ever happened because the young girls actually valued what they had. If a girl did give out then she was well known and treated cruelly and called the town bike.




It is so very different these days and I fear much has been lost. In England we have the second highest percentage of unmarried mothers in the world. Second behind the States. Something is exceedingly wrong in all of this and it’s to do with the parents and schools. We’ve a Member of Parliament trying to change things with a Private Bill in the House of Commons.

When she’s sat in on sex lessons in schools she’s been amazed that pupils are taught the mechanics but absolutely none of the relationship and emotional issues associated with sex. There are no teachings of virtues, conscience or morality. She asked one teacher why on earth don’t you teach that it’s actually illegal, against the law of the land to have sex when under sixteen years of age. He’s reply was that he gets an hours training in the topic and how to teach it. Legalities aren’t a part of the training.

Tall Average Guy

I will also note that RDJ typically (though not always) posts these in the Men's forum. I take this as advice to men on what we can do that might improve our marriage and our sex life. Telling men about the changes their wives could be doing is not terribly helpful. Telling men about the changes we can make is, as the only thing that we can change is ourselves.

I will agree that there issues with how RDJ phrases certain statements, but there is often a lot of wisdom. If his advice is not applicable to your situation, that is fine. I do expect that it will be useful for a lot of others. I am not willing to throw it all out because I disagree with how he wrote certain sentences.

RDJ

I have expressed before that I am no more than an average guy. I’m not a counselor, I’m not a writer.

I have experienced a lot of things in my 32 years of marriage. I have made a lot of mistakes, as has my wife.

I post here to share my thoughts and experiences in hopes that someone may be able to avoid some of the mistakes I have made.

Do I write things in a way that cannot be picked apart?

No, I don’t have that skill. I try to express a message.

If you can use it, great! If not, that’s OK too.

Again, Thanks for the replies and support.

My apologies if I offended anyone.

__________________
“Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.”
Warmly,
RDJ