Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?
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Old 01-21-2012, 06:59 PM   #1 (permalink)
RDJ
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Default Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?

For those of us who have been married many years, sex can begin to lose the novelty and excitement. Even with all the games, toys, and role playing that a couple can incorporate, the sexual experience can start to feel too much like “we’ve been there, done that”.

First sex can become routine, then it can become boring, and then it can stop altogether. You suddenly find yourself in a “sexless marriage”.

For some women sex can become just another one of the many chores that have to be completed in order to keep the household happy. In some cases, a woman may find it much simpler to just quickly take care of her and avoid the time and effort of sex completely, especially if she has a husband that is only concerned about pleasing himself.

It is my opinion that when it comes to sex, a lot of husbands are selfish. They focus too much on how their wife is going to please them, and not about the quality of the shared experience.

They become so focused on what they are, or are not receiving, that the whole experience starts to feel like an unpleasant obligation to their wife, and most likely, IT IS.

A big key to keeping your married sex life fresh and alive is to learn how to be a selfless lover.

Selfless is when you focus on sharing your love and passion with your wife, without regard of what YOU are getting out of it.

It’s when you make love to her in place of having sex with her. It’s when you look deep into her eyes and make love to her body, mind, and soul that she will feel loved in place of sexed.

When a husband shares himself in this way, sex is no longer “just sex”, it becomes an experience of “love making” that will be more enjoyable for his wife.

True loving sex is always fun, regardless of how many years you may have been together.

So the next time you find yourself having selfish sex with your wife, STOP. Stop thinking about what you want to get out of this,how she is going to repay you, and think instead about what you can give her.

Be selfless and give her your heart and soul. If you do this, don’t be surprised when you find your wife initiating a whole lot more “love making” in the future.
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Old 01-21-2012, 07:00 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?

Both.

Sometimes I just **** her.
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Old 01-21-2012, 07:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?

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Both.

Sometimes I just **** her.
And she appreciates that.

A good ****ing is always needed.
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Old 01-21-2012, 08:11 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?

F--king is such a crude way of putting it. I prefer the term RAMMING
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Old 01-21-2012, 08:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?

OK wise guys, make fun, till it happens to you?
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Old 01-21-2012, 08:50 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?

Well said RDJ, follower of the great one Calle Zorro.

BTW, have you any experience with Susan Bratton's 'Revive Her Drive' material?
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Old 01-21-2012, 08:51 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?

"Until it happens to us"?

Are you struggling with this?
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Old 01-21-2012, 11:24 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?

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"Until it happens to us"?

Are you struggling with this?
Thanks for your concern TG , I'm fine!

But in all seriousness, there are certainly women complaining about men that just sex them up, and the guy never figures out why she lost interest?

Clearly there are many reasons, but this one is pretty easy to change.
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Old 01-21-2012, 11:26 PM   #9 (permalink)
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BTW, have you any experience with Susan Bratton's 'Revive Her Drive' material?
Checked it out, but she was a major turn off for me. You?
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Old 01-21-2012, 11:44 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?

Making love or as Dr John Grey calls it "Gourmet Sex" is wonderful but
sometimes a quickie is all that is needed.
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Old 01-21-2012, 11:45 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?

And sometimes just a nice, long effing.
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Old 01-22-2012, 12:04 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?

My wife never initiates sex, fakes orgasms, and told me that lingerie was humiliating.....so, I stopped initiating and have denied her any sex for 12 months....she has killed my ego with her anger long ago...I will divorce her soon.
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Old 01-22-2012, 12:05 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?

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Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
Both.

Sometimes I just **** her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by that_girl View Post
And she appreciates that.

A good ****ing is always needed.
THIS!

Two things that I hope bode well for us.

First is that Sex is seen as part of the daily effort that we both put into the relationship (not that we have it daily, though our average is > 1.0x per day, but that it's seen as a very important part of the foundation we've build together, never-ending maintenance on which is being woven into our daily life.

Second is that I've pushed her and taught her to user her "voice" and speak up whenever we are becoming dissatisfied or sense a rut.

We have a standing rule in our relationship: If you don't speak up about something and tell the other clearly, you have zero rights to hold the other person responsible/blame them/punish them/etc... you got to own it or eat it. No expectations of mind-reading allowed. Despite our asymmetric power dynamic, that rule applies to both equally and trumps just about everything else.

She's spoken up a couple times before about feeling a sex rut coming on, and I took action to make our long (and short) term intimacy patterns have more variety and freshness, not just in position or location, but in the mental/feelings department.
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Old 01-22-2012, 12:14 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Anubis,
Great post. We have that same rule. If you don't like what is happening - you speak up. If it still isn't fixed - you exert more pressure. The beauty of that is stuff gets resolved quickly. If my wife ever started down the path of "I have years of resentments, causing me to not want intimacy and I have no idea how long it will take me to get over them" I would rush her to the ER for an emergency cat scan of her brain. She just so isn't like that. There is one guy on here who is LETTING himself be held hostage over forgetting to load film in a camera 6 plus years ago. Hello?

As for sex. Well you are killing me on frequency - but quality is great and largely because communication about sex is just as clear, easy and frequent as about any other topic we address.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Anubis View Post
THIS!

Two things that I hope bode well for us.

First is that Sex is seen as part of the daily effort that we both put into the relationship (not that we have it daily, though our average is > 1.0x per day, but that it's seen as a very important part of the foundation we've build together, never-ending maintenance on which is being woven into our daily life.

Second is that I've pushed her and taught her to user her "voice" and speak up whenever we are becoming dissatisfied or sense a rut.

We have a standing rule in our relationship: If you don't speak up about something and tell the other clearly, you have zero rights to hold the other person responsible/blame them/punish them/etc... you got to own it or eat it. No expectations of mind-reading allowed. Despite our asymmetric power dynamic, that rule applies to both equally and trumps just about everything else.

She's spoken up a couple times before about feeling a sex rut coming on, and I took action to make our long (and short) term intimacy patterns have more variety and freshness, not just in position or location, but in the mental/feelings department.
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Old 01-22-2012, 12:43 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you have sex with your wife, or do you make love to her?

We speak up too. Sometimes there's been weeks where it's ONLY effing and I will say something along the lines of "I miss our gentle sexy times..." Hubs will take the cue and for the next few times it's all gentle and lovey dovey.

Sometimes he'll say something like, 'I just want to kiss you for a while...' which lets me know he's craving affection and/or more intimacy.

But anyway we do it, it's good. I have never complained about sex with this man. He rocked my world from day 1. Well, date 4? LOL But he was the first man that could keep up with me, and i was the first woman to want so much from him! One time, while dating, we had sex 5 times in 12 hours. He just grinned saying he's never been able to do that.

Feels good to know there are still 'firsts' to be had
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