Guys help! Why is my husband acting this way? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-01-2012, 11:59 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: New Jersey
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Question Guys help! Why is my husband acting this way?

I know this is the mens lounge but what better way to figure out a man and his actions then to ask another man. So here is the story:

My husband of 2 yrs and I are seperated for 5 months now, the reason infidelity. I discovered a text message a year ago that told me there had been another woman but I said nothing. Why? I thought he would find a way to lie, I felt he would accuse me of distrust and snooping and becuase I was scared of breaking up my home. I went thru alot of mixed emotions in this year knowing what I new. 1st sadness, pain I even let it affect how I feel about myself I would look in the mirror and think dam I always thought I was a very beautiful woman what is he missing in me. Finally there was anger. Well in June on a job retreat I bumped into someone I use to date about 12 yrs ago it was obvious he was interested and all I could think was if I even the score a cheat for a cheat we will be even and in my heart I can forgive and move on. Well let me say it was the worst decision ever I cried some nights when he wasnt home at the thought I had done it to. The guilt was eating me alive so one night as we lay in bed I confessed.

He got angry of course and here came his confession but his was not a one time cheat it had been many times in a year and I even learned that a block party his mom throws every summer, she came to that cook out. I was devastated I confessed because my heart was heavy and I was guilty but his confession was heart wrenching. He left and went to his moms house we texted back and forth all night. He actually asked if he could come back home and we make love. All I could think was wooooow after that confession hell no are you crazy.

For a few weeks he was at his moms I wanted nothing to do with him feeling there was no way to fix it. The memories that the house carried was to much so I moved out. Eventually he moved his things out. He called to ask again if we can make love I responded get it from the girl you broke our vows for. Then the last time we saw each other was suppose to be a meeting to discuss our marriage. He showed up drunk and I could not speak to him in that condition. He fell asleep on the couch and I went to bed. When I came home from work he was gone. Its been 5 months since that awful night and it feels like I am the culprit. Somewhere between soul searching and praying I realized dam I still love this man he was dam sure wrong but so was I. If he is willing like I am to vow to never go there on the lies, cheating or disrespect then this marriage can be fixed. I text him and he didnt text back, I asked him to talk then silence. The stone wall he put up made me ask (now let me remind you this is all thru text messageing cause he wouldnt pick up when I called" It made me ask if he wants a divorce. His first text said Yes, after breaking down at my desk at work reading it another text came. Its whats best for you not me and everyone who said we wouldn't last. What? that gave me hope that though he said yes he didn't mean it. At least once a week I would text and ask if we can talk and he would say no, I beared my soul all thru a text saying how I still love him and I am sorry for my part in this whole thing, and how I want him back in my life. No response. I was just fed up a friend said stop texing him give him a chance to miss you.... I am lost I just need to know if he is the one who caused this whole thing why is he treating me like I am a lying, cheating back stabber he did this to us. True I did it to but why he acting like the innocecent party here. Guys help me out. His mom said its guilt, and its pride. A male friend said a woman can forgive a cheat but most men cant so I am stuck here in marriage limbo at lost for what to do... Men you understand each other so please help me understand what my husbands actions mean.........
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-01-2012, 12:04 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 8,825
Re: Guys help! Why is my husband acting this way?

Sounds to me like neither one of you has done ANY work to get past either your own infidelity or the others. You both have your heads in the sand, and until you get them out and start figuring yourselves out, you're totally useless to one another.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-01-2012, 01:17 PM
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 121
Re: Guys help! Why is my husband acting this way?

I have to wonder if he is in contact with the other woman. I do think that marriages can be saved after infidelity mine was. It is HARD WORK! So yes, your marriage can be saved, if you both want it to be and both work very very hard.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-01-2012, 07:44 PM
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Re: Guys help! Why is my husband acting this way?

Wow. My vote is that another woman is involved and he would perfer to be with her. Just a guess though.
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