I've made a point to make sure our house is OUR house. We both participated in the selection of pretty much everything. If anything I've catered more to his tastes than mine because I've learned those things matter more to him than they do me.
Having said that while there is no official 'man cave' there is no lack of space for him to hang out alone.
I hope you don't mind me "intruding" in the Man Cave AND in the Clubhouse!! .......but I was curious about this, mostly as my husband has no desire to have a cave.
I remember our friends, a married couple, and the husband created a man cave very similar to how you've described. He was very excited about it and when a few of us (couples) were at their home, he rounded up the men towards the end of the evening, to retreat to his cave for a drink. Hubs felt a bit weird about it, to be honest. Didn't feel natural to him, he wanted to be around me AND them. The next time we visited and that time came for the men to do whatever it is they do in there (have a drink and talk manly things), my husband declined and stayed with me instead. Before the guys of the clubhouse throw tomatoes at this point, I have to say it really touched me when he told me he preferred my company and wanted to hang out with me. He didn't care so much to fit in for the sake of social niceties I guess. He just did what he wanted to do in that scenario.
The kitchen has very recently become my "cave" in a way. I love listening to music and cooking. This relaxes me. I like to be in my own space for this. When hubs cooks he likes me there with him. I wheel my guitar stool in and sit and chat while he cooks. So out of the two of us, I suppose I'm more prone to loner-mode.
I guess the design thing doesn't apply much in our home because we choose everything together and it's usually slanted more to the masculine/neutral style.... and I suppose my interests are similar to my husband's, so I'd have no problem with certain posters or whatever being up. We both like comic books, sci-fi related stuff, records etc. Sorry if I'm missing the point with this lol, but I guess if he wanted to hang a Batman poster up in the front room I'd be all for it!
I am very much like your husband. I spend all day away from my wife and when I get home, I want to be with her. I get home late two or three nights a week anyway and don't get that chance. I would bet your husband is like I am in that one of his love languages is "quality time." Besides that, our house is too small to have a "man cave."
That being said, both of us score as introverts on the Myers/Briggs so we each need some alone time. I have a workbench in the basement for my hobby (clock repair) and in the summer I can sit on the patio in our backyard garden for hours reading and listening to the birds. Most of the the time that I do clockwork or sit on the patio is when she is not home or busy with something else.
(Sitting TOGETHER on the patio and talking is a highlight of my summer as well as making love out there...but that is a bit off topic!)
Yes... Quality Time is on the top of his list .... we have taken a couple of those tests (did a thread on it ) and Physical Touch & Time are in competition - for both of us .....so yeah it all makes sense ..... then Words of Affirmation is following right behind.... I am an extrovert , he is an Introvert. He would even classify himself as a Loner... but never with me.
.... This particular 3-some combination on the top of the Love Languages tree .... I am convinced makes up the Hopelessly Romantic souls of our world, and when you are one, then marry one....Life is a pleasure ride every darn day.
I asked him last night, out of curiosity, after reading Enchantments thoughts ....how he would feel If I needed a "cave".... He said .... "I wouldn't like it, wouldn't like it at all". Now I know him, if that was the case, he wouldn't say a darn thing! ..... but he is being honest, he is happy that I don't.
.....It is not like we are glued together (I know it sounds this way)... he does his thing- while I do mine many times ....just like your example above....when she is busy, you are off doing your hobby in the basement.... we are the same...we manage our time exactly like that in fact.'
He was fixing a train the other day, I was on here, many times he has his computer time, while I have mine, but funny... we do prefer to be in the same room together.......
.....He says he likes knowing if he wants to come over to me- at any time, I am not going to reject his presence, that I need to get away somehow. He wouldn't like that feeling of being "shut out", even if just for a short time. Not that we should look at it this way ...but well, I guess he does !
We have even walked to the silly mail box together- just cause well......we like to be together.
Mistys dad...what did you think your wife would object to? Giving up the space or ???
Ya giving up the space was one concern.
The other was the overt decor of the room. We have always tried to decide together how to decorate the house, although to be fair, I'm better at the decorating. Most of the house has a neutral to slightly "wife tone" to it.
This room has darker colors, black leather furniture and leather grain filing cabinets, some "old style" Harley Davidson type memorabilia, a liquor cabinet, fishing rod rack etc.
I'm an organized person by nature, my wife is not. This room was kind of a cluttered, catch all, storage room. It had a computer set up that I used. I had to step over, around and through "stuff". Well, the computer took a swan dive after something fell over on it. That moment I decided to aggressively unclutter the space and turn it into something I found useful.
Blissful organization....aaahhhhhh.
Love having my wife around, when she is here. Also love some solitary time to clear my head. Prior to building this space, my solitary times were on solo motorcycle trips.
__________________ The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?
OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
Last edited by Mistys dad; 02-04-2012 at 03:46 PM.
I never had a room designated as a man cave, but I did enjoy some "me" time. I always enjoyed listening to music to unwind and just for enjoyment. I'm probably one of the few dinosaurs left who can listen to music as an activity(like in the old days when everyone gathered around the Victrola) instead of in the background while another activity is going on, like washing the car or cooking.
I would go to the bedroom and do that, but I never actually announced that I needed free time, I just sorta took it. I'm divorced now, so I guess whatever i did didn't work too well.
We have a computer room, my wife regards it as a man cave, but i dont... if she had a room for herself, i'd regard each as our own. The Computer is currently in the living room... i like to be around her. so now that lil room she calls man cave sits empty!
Don't need one. I have the living room tweaked the way I like it. 5.1 surround with a 15in sub and a 50 in plasma. BD player, HD-DVD player (did hear a bit about being an early adopter on that dead format), DVD-A- SACD player, PS3 and a Denon AVR. She has a "mini cave" downstairs with a desktop cpu and a 42in plasma. She has never said a word about the front towers in the speaker setup, but did stop me short on getting a projector. Told me it's a living room not a movie theater.
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Re: The "Man Cave" 
and when a few of us (couples) were at their home, he rounded up the men towards the end of the evening, to retreat to his cave for a drink. Hubs felt a bit weird about it, to be honest. Didn't feel natural to him, he wanted to be around me AND them. The next time we visited and that time came for the men to do whatever it is they do in there (have a drink and talk manly things), my husband declined and stayed with me instead. Before the guys of the clubhouse throw tomatoes at this point, I have to say it really touched me when he told me he preferred my company and wanted to hang out with me. He didn't care so much to fit in for the sake of social niceties I guess. He just did what he wanted to do in that scenario.
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