He uses pics/vids of me, but hadn't even related on a basic level, ideas
Well we have always been parted he is in the states i the uk, his choice not mine.
There are severe emotional issues i do believe on his part, that has kept us parted. I now know he is a Passive Aggressive and yes i know all of us have slight PA tenancies its normal human nature. He does have OCD.
For the last few years we didn't talk much, he was never emotional or sexual with me, i was ready to move on and met a new guy last year, when he found out he went ballistic and said he'd been to counselling for the last 8 months for his anger issues, he is also emotional eater and does not allow me to express emotional issues between us, he will always leave or walk away, i do believe because he becomes frustrated and angry. I do believe if you can't discuss things you can't move on and it just builds resentment.
Well the reason he went ballistic is because he was still having sex with me as in fantasy, he was using pics/vids of me to get off to, even doing it at work, it feels as if i were porn and he were an addict, because whilst he did this he didn't need to relate to me, he didn't need real intimacy, or had the need for two way sexual communication, all the while i am totally unaware and longing for real sexual intimacy.
When we were together we always had pretty good sex and i always wanted it, what ever the day had brought. I was very tired of being separated, because however much you have phone sex, written sex it is still just masturbation and it's never the same as sex with two people together and i crave that.
So now he is dying he may have 2 months or maybe 2 years, this is why he is now out pouring emotions that he had withheld before.
I feel overwhelmed by all the issues, i was ready to move on now i feel guilty.
I suppose my question is why would someone be happy to just masturbate rather than have real sex?
Any other ideas are also welcome.
arrrhhhh looks like it's to difficult for the men here to answer.
well kiss my ass, so he shouldn't have pictures like this, or can no one say.
Re: He uses pics/vids of me, but hadn't even related on a basic level, ideas
Quote:
Originally Posted by MSP
That pic isn't considerate in a forum where some people are trying to overcome temptations.
I was thinking the same thing...and the fact she said "Just for views." Just the post itself should be enough to get the point/questions across. I'm surprised the mods haven't removed it.
Re: He uses pics/vids of me, but hadn't even related on a basic level, ideas
Quote:
Originally Posted by MSP
That pic isn't considerate in a forum where some people are trying to overcome temptations.
There are temptations every where you go in life, that is fact, i doubt the above pic is any worse then someone at the beach or pool, magazine cover, advert we could go on, but i shant. And it did get more views
And it wasn't enough for my estranged husband to be with me in person, so can't be that tempting, should i be flattered that he used me as porn, no i don't think so, we have been apart 10 years, married only 3 and that was in name only to help him after the first bout of cancer to get him into the uk, so he could be around his babies, but he chose yet again to return to the US.
I moved on but did not date till last year, all the while in his own imagination he had a relationship with me, note something very sick here.
Yes he is going to die and he has laid a huge guilt trip on me, all the time he has done what he has pleased for himself.
His emotional issues go far beyond that of a sane persons, example a piece of birthday cake served to him, refuses to eat birthday cake and wants a different piece, i'm confused i asked why, he wouldn't tell me at first, got down to that he didn't know if the plate had been rinsed properly. And it goes on and on, if you were sane before you are bound to go crazy.
Yes i have loved and cared for him but i just can't cope with the emotional rollercoaster he is, all the while denying my feelings or emotions.
I am better doing my own thing and finding a man that i can relate to and adore and most importantly wants to be with me.
Re: He uses pics/vids of me, but hadn't even related on a basic level, ideas
Quote:
Originally Posted by trey69
I guess some men don't want to have a emotional/physical bond that sex can create with a woman. Avoidance of emotional/physical relationship.
Anyway, doesn't look like you have much to worry about now. You're free, time to move on.
An emotional/physical bond isn't necessary for good sex, otherwise you wouldn't get one night stands and people that go to prostitutes.
A man or women that gets off all the time to images or videos and who doesn't seek real sexual experience is seriously missing out, you can't compare the sensual feel of someone's skin and the warmth of another's body, the intense pleasure one body can gift to another, and to top it off there is the taste and scent of sex, no image/video can ever recreate that.
My only concern at present is which man to choose and keeping myself safe.
Re: He uses pics/vids of me, but hadn't even related on a basic level, ideas
sounds like he doesn't like the vulnerability that comes with sex.
At any rate as wrong as he may be in what he is doing; if he only has 2 months to live the only human thing to do is ignore that issue and try to be at peace with him until he passes.
Re: He uses pics/vids of me, but hadn't even related on a basic level, ideas
Quote:
Originally Posted by cloudwithleggs
god in your book everyone must be, seeing it so clear to you , shame it is not to me.
why would a simple picture of my body make me an exhibitionist.
your post shows me you are devoid of basic human emotion.
Well, you are the first person that I've seen post an almost nude picture of themself here on this site. So I think that the response that you are an exhibitionist is about right.
As for the rest of your posts…. You have already moved on with your life. Your husband will pass away soon enough and you don’t seem to really care anything for him anyway. So move on and find a new life.
On the topic of why someone would prefer pictures and porn to a real, live sex partner…. Many people have problems with human interaction. Pictures are a lot easier to deal with. They are not emotional, they don’t cry or carry on, they don’t expect anything in return. They are cheaper than prostitutes and don’t transmit STD’s. I’m sure there are other things as well.
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He uses pics/vids of me, but hadn't even related on a basic level, ideas 
And it did get more views 
